Busy

Been busy though I did nothing, just NOTHING last weekend. An on saturday, I didn't even change my nighties! It was awesome! Can't remember when I had done that last time. Me and my mom jused to call those days as "pupelipäivä".
We haven't got our results for the last exam we had. She has been cheked them already but I'm too afraid to go and ask the results. I fear I might be disappointed.
Two weeks. Two weeks. And then all my exams for this year will be over. Can't wait!
My computer is falling apart. Not really but it keeps crashing if I play The Sims 2. And it hasn't done that before. And the guarantee went four days ago. I still emailed to the shop and asked if they still could do something for this.
I just noticed that it's really easy to write in english and think in english. Eeek! I try not to think the exhange thing. I saw a commercial abou a women who was flying to somewhere (a deodorant commercial) and every time I see that, I think about the Big Flight I might experience next year.
Our kitties are cuties. We should vaccinate them soon. I'll call to the vet tomorrow. But the 4D begins. There's something about a boy who beats his mom.

ps. I love Tarmo.

Abroad

I found my lab book. It was in the library, on the table that I hadn't used. But I'm happy I found it. 11 hours at the university again. But I started to read for next exam, did my portion of our representation for tomorrow, were in lab and cultured some cells. Our SH-SY5Y cells are getting old. They're too old to grow well anymore. We'll have to figure out something so that they would las few weeks.
I read Minnas blog and everytime I read it I want more and more to go abroad! She's now in Paris and will move to Dublin. Me wanna too! I already asked Tarmo if we could go to Dublin to see Minna. He just laughed at me.

But I have to go shower. Bah. I wan't abroad!

Interview

I've lost my lab book! It has just disappeared. Pof. Like that.
I wrote something to it yesterday, packed it to my bag and haven't seen it since. It's not at home and it's not there where I last used it. Mysterious. And kind of stupid. I have some really important information in it. I'll have to go tomorrow to ask from library if someone has seen it. If hasn't I have to put a message to our mailing list. Someone must have seen it! It can't understand it! It can't just disappear. CAN'T! Fustrating.

I had an exam on monday and I'll pass it. And today I had the interwiev for the exhange thing! And it went ok. I'll get the results in few weeks. I heard that they had already made preliminary choises and I was in it! That's why I had the interview. Nice! I also had a presentation today. It went ok too. But back to the interview. I had had a task to think what I would tell for an exhange student about my university. I had thought all kind of things but the interview was much shorter than I imagined! I hadn't the time to tell everything I had planned. And then they asked what would be my plan B if I didn't get to USA. And do I understand that the studying in USA is different from studying here. I just looked at them stunned and said yes. Isn't it kind of obvious that I have read thos things? And then they asked can I cope with the culture shock and homesickness. And it was it. It took about 10 minutes. And I saw them to fill some kind of evaluating form of me everythime I opened my mouth. But I couldn't see what they wrote in it! Argh! Hope I was good. Good enough to get to exhange. And if I get that far, I hope I'll get to Kansas! I asked them how long I have to wait and be anxious about this. Few weeks they said. Few weeks.

I had long day, 11 hours. I'm kind of tired now. I'll go and do something that doesen't require brains.

Fun saturday

Been busy. I have an exam tomorrow and I've read, though not very well. But I'll pass the test anyway. And on tuesday I'll have an interview for my exhange! I should tell them in english what I would tell about my university for an exhange student. I've sought some facts and then I'll say something nice, something what I think about my university. That isn't hard since I love my university. And I should do some kind of representation of what I've done with the SH-SY5Y cells. On tuesday we'll have quests from Tampere and they'll give some kind of representations too. But luckily mine doesn't have to be long, I don't have anything to say! I'll just put some pictures we got on friday with Reija about the cells and say something about it. Unfortunately we didn't get any "normal" pictures since our cells weren't stained. But I'll figure out something.

Yesterday we did the "Fab Five"-thing to J-P. We sought some clothes for him and did his hair and he really looked good. Hope he gets that too! We found a nice shirt for him (black with purple lines, H&M), a jacket and trousers from fleamarket. We teared the trousers so that they look rock! Muaha. And made some purple stripes for his hair. It took all day and after that we went to eat. We ate two hours and all were almost too sick! But it was fun. The whole day was.

Today I went to library on morning, read few hours, came home, cleaned and took a nap. Now I thought I'd do something for my interview and for that cell thing.

Lazy weekend

I didn't do half the things I was supposed to do. I wrote the essay for swedish (or read it through) and went through some grammar for it. I also tried to do a linetest but I didn't understand it, and was too lazy to find out more. I also started to find something for another essay but didn't have the energy or will to do anything more. Today I've just watched Tarmo playing. I also cleaned the toilet and washed the diches.
We ordered food from Banthai. We were supposed to go there today but it snowed and I didn't feel like going outside. So we ordered food home there and it was good! As always. And we saved few euros since it's cheaper to eat home. And the delivery was free too (since we ordered enough food). But now I feel better. I feel like I could read again. I'd have an exam tomorrow but I haven't even started to read for it. So I'll go to next exam. We should do a seminar next week for culturing course. And maybe start a bit for the swedish presentation too.
Mom promised they would buy me a new chair for christmaspresent. I already found one. 40€ in Sotka, half of the price. I should get it some day. But I need car for that and no-one of Tarmo's friends had a car this weekend. So maybe next week or weekend. Hopefully. They have red chairs there and I want it!
Kitties are sleeping again. Pollo came again to sleep on my lap. And Neko falled to toilet today! It was funny. We just heard a splash and Neko run away from toilet and her backlegs were all wet. We usually keep the lid down but now we had forgotten it open. Glad we were home and she got out on herself.
My thoughts have again been in USA. Or in exhanging. Few weeks and I get to know if I can go to Kansas! I would love to go there! They have so much interesting courses there and they aren't in medical school. I've been thinking the living there. And I fear already the flight to there! Not the flight it self but when I get to USA I fear that they think I'm some kind of terrorist and examine my stuff and I'll miss my another flight to Kansas or something. I fear that I'll be left alone somewhere. I know this is silly and I shouldn't think such things. But I can't help it! It'll go all right and I'll be fine and get to Kansas without big problems. I'm just so exited if I have to travell all alone for the first time abroad.
But it isn't this days worry. I'll panic when I have to do so. Muaha.

I did it!

I got through it! I got through it! I feel so much better now. Ah! And the sun shines again.

And I get new glasses in two weeks. I went to see new glasses and found nice ones and got even to the opticianist too. No wonder my head have been acing. My seeing has gone worse a lot. I used to be -1.75, now I'm -2,75! The glasses aren't that cheap that I planned they would be, but not too much either. I have afford them (just and just). "Only" 236€. And I bought a christmaspresents for my parents (not as good as I had wished I could buy, but I just don't have the money). Mom did say that I shouldn't buy anything, but how could I do that?! I love giving presents.
I bought them calendars and some stickers. I put for mom stickers for every week and more stickers for her birthday day. And for dad I put stickers for his birthday day. Childish, but it is supposed to be so. And I bought a birthday-christmas present for Tarmo too.
So, now I have spent all my money. Hope that I won't get any sudden expences. The kitties must be vaccinated, but I have the money for that. I'm glad that I don't have to pay everything for them, since theu are Tarmos kitties too.
I'd have an exam next monday but I decided that I won't go there. So I don't have to read for that this weekend. So I can do all the things that I would supposed (or had supposed) to do. Some little essays and tasks. So I can read next week.

I was subculturing the SH-SY5Y cells on my own today. And it went good. And we watched old cells with Reija and wondered were there myelin. I asked that from Tuula and she got excited becouse no-one knows that. So that could be examined too. And she asked would Reija be interested that too. And she is. So now we have a new member and I have a good "colleaque" whom I'll work with. Since now I have been working mainly on my own. And it's boring.

But today I'll do nothing. NOTHING. Period.

Bored and hungry

I woke too early. Tarmo has an exam so we had to wake up before seven. So now I have already got through what I was supposed to read on morning. And now I'm hungry. I'll make some food and go to university. Have to take some fruits with me. Otherwise I'll die for hunger before six. Long day, again.
I had odd feeling that I want baby. Not NOW but sometime. As young as possible. But before that I'd like to graduate. So not to worry. I won't get pregnant for few years. Muaha. I have now two little, black and hairy babies. And one of them tried to hunt my earring while it was on my ear! Luckily I had noticed that she had observed me for a while with That Eye. I had time to avoid the attack. Ha!
But I'm bored. I had the feeling this morning that my head will hurt again. So I thought I won't stress anything and do only little reading. And our culturing course starts at midday and after that I'll go to our lab. And after that I have a lecture. Oh why can't it be weekend already. Or christmas? I need vacation. But I have to read on christmas too, though I WON'T read on christmasholidays. Only when I'm here. And that's because I can't read at Tampere. There is no time and peace.

Head hurts

Oh my head hurts so bad. Can't remember when it has been this bad. And it's cold in here.
I went to get my answers of the failure-exam. The teachers had lost the molecular part of it. And of the cellular part, I got full points! They found my other paper just before my lections started. I had been misthinking. A lot of fool mistakes! And the teachers said I had assumed too much. I didn't explain enough. So I didn't get any points though I had something right. That sucks. But I have read all about the course, and even well. Hope that is enough.
I was differetieting the SH-SY5Y (now I can write it right) cells today. And tomorrow we'll look the cells with the patch clamp equipment. And on friday I'll subculture the cells on my own! And on monday I'll infect the cells with parvo viruses with Kirsi. Exiting! And next week I'll stain the cells and do some microscoping. Luckily Reija will come to help me a bit. I have to count the cells and see where the viruses have gone and take some pictures.
I got my bike yesterday and it's so much easier to drive now though the snow is melting away now. And it sucks to drive in this weather, I can't control the bike. It's kind of scary. But it would suck more to walk to university.
I stayed home today until midday. I read and made some food. Tomorrow I'll do the same. Kitties were crazy. It was fun to play with my pen while I was writing! I gave them a straw and they were happy.
But my head hurts so bad that I have to go to lie down and maybe to sleep. I was too tired this morning.

Birthday

Emmi, Kirsikka and Vanhanen came here to check our kitties. And I had bought some icecream for us and made some coffee and tea. They had no idea I had birthday today. Muaha. Good. And Jussi and his girlfriend woke too late today (surprise?) so they didn't come. It would have been so late that they would have been here. And at six we go to give Sami his birthdaypresent. a lot of deodorent. I mean A LOT. 50 or so. He always forgets his somewhere. And this group of people are known for their insane presents.
Neko sleeps on my shirt. Cutie. She's right next to me.
And I didn't clean yesterday. We did it this morning. And I read the cell biology part. Though not so well...

I'm not crazy anymore

Yesterday was a hard day. Both in physically and emotionally. The funerals were nice, if one can say so. I cried a lot. But now it is over and I feel better. I didn't have the time to go to the comemorial, since my brother, Hannu can't drive at dark. He hurted his eye last summer, and can drive, but doesn't see good at dark. And I found out on thursday that I have the exam netx thursday and I hadn't taken with me my notebooks. And since some of my friends may come to visit tomorrow and I have a lot to do next week, I don't have much time to read for the exam. So I thought it would be better if I would leave with my brothers to Tampere earlier, since my parents would be at Tampere earliest at seven. And the sun was already going down, so we had to leave when the funerals ended. And we got jammed at Tampere, but still I catched the train. I had five minutes!
But it made me sad that I didn't have the time to go to the comemorial. I heard there was a picture there, in which there was me, Olavi and Sanni (my cousin). Luckily they promised that I would get a copy of that picture. And the priest talked nice words about Olavi. He was a veteran and had been in important job in the war (as all soldiers). And he wounded there. I never heard him talking about it. Very few did. I cried on the way to Tampere. And slept most of the journey to Jyväskylä. The train was again half an hour late. I talket a bit with some boy who sat next to me. I was too ashamed to look him in the eyes, since mine were all red. I bet he thought I was shy or something. Muaha. Well, I am, but not that shy.
Tarmo came to the station and walked with me home. I hadn't eaten since morning and I wasn't hungry. Still Tarmo made something to eat for me. I slept well and we woke at seven though we got up at eight. Or I did. I was supposed to go to the library to read, but since it's halloween, I didn't. The library isn't open. Luckily Tarmo gave me his chair (my back gets hurted if I sit in my own since I can't adjust the height of it). And I read enough for this day and spotted some things I had misunderstood or hadn't understood well enough. I got through the molecular part of that course. Tomorrow I'll read the cell part. And the exam will go fine. I hope.

I'm not as stressed anymore. It was the funerals that made me crazy.

And Neko is sweetheart. She doesn't mind being stroked but today was the third time she slept on my lap. And she came there just to sleep. And she is so warm and cutie and feels good... And Pollo slept at my feet on the remoters. Our babies.

We should clean our house, but I'm not inspired. Maybe later. Or tomorrow. Before the quests come and before we go to Sami's birthday. Or we'll just give him his birthdaypresent or something. And I have to read a bit. Though not as much as today. Maybe it would be better if we cleaned today. But later. Still not inspired.

Tired thoughts

This is quite stressing.

Sira made my day today. She delivered a little present (chocolate popcorns) for me via a friend. I was totally surprised. I was so touched, that I almost developed a tear. And I've been teary all day and that pisses me off. There is now good reason for that. Next exam is next week (the one I didn't pass) and I have time to read for it. And it is no problem to do the another exam later.

I took my bike to be fixed. 100€. But it's not that bad, I bought new tires and all things will be changed for better. Riikka brought me a new glass shops address and I was supposed to visit there but I went to wrong direction and was too tired to return though I had time. And the train was late for half an hour. I couldn't do anything reasonable while travelling. Though I had planned to read a bit.

My appetite have been lost today and I haven't eaten much. I ate fish too much and now I don't feel so well. My head have been acing again. I'm just stressed about tomorrow. I've been down all day. But now I feel a bit better. I'm just tired. Very tired. Hope this will go away after the funeralf. I don't have afford to be tired now. Only couple months for "vacation". Though at christmas holidays I'll read for neurobiology.

We talked about how I feel with Tarmo last night. It made me feel better. He's so sweet. Supports me all the time. No wonder I love that man. My love.
I went to microscope SH5SHY (can't remember was that right) cells and they were nice. Jonna laughed at me when I said I like those kind of cells.

But my thoughts are messy and my head isn't clear. I'm too tired to think. I've got to sleep and get home soon.

I thought today that I'm lucky. I'm easy to get laugh. Though I'm sad, I still can laugh. And I don't even fake much of it. But it isn't so nice when I supposed to be mad. Muaha. Though I really am not mad often.

Fucking fuck

Fuck fuck fuck fuck!!!!
Again, I proved myself that I am stupid. Just stupid. An Idiot! Fuck!
So, I did not pass yesterdays exam. Though I thought it went ok. But obviously it didn't. And here's the problem. I could go to do the exam again on friday, but I'm in funerals! Fuck! So now I have to read all again, and better, becouse obviously I hadn't understood anything about the course. I thought I could've read next week on another exam, but now I don't have time since I have this another exam too. Fuck! And I should start to culture the cells on monday, but how can I do anything if I'm this stupid?! I thought the exam was easy! FUCK!
I'm so pissed of my self. So disappointed. I thought I had understood everything on the course and I thought I could handle the exam. But NO. NO NO NO NO.
And I can't read anything this weekend since there is this funeral and I'm so stressed about that that I can't read. Oh this is so stupid. STUPID.

I already cried this to Tarmo and I feel so stupid. This is so stupid thing to cry over. But I'm just so pissed off!!! Poor Kitties don't dare to come near to me. But I will get myself over this. I will read more. I will pass the course. I have to.

And I'm so ashaimed becouse all my friends passed the exam. And that makes me feeling even more stupid. And I don't trust in my self. Ah this just sucks!

I had some good things happening this day but I'm so pissed off, so I won't even tell them.