Stress

I fucking messed up with my cells. Damned!

Well not really badly but still it pisses me off. Yesterday was a good day. I did a lot at lab an read a bit. But at night about 4.30 am I suddenly wake up eyes wide open - shit! I forgot to put cells in multiwells! What will I do now? I can't do any staining!!! I was up two hours and it took all that time to realize that it's really not that bad mistake. But I kept swearing how stupid I am and how can I forget such a thing. I finally fell asleep but woke really tired. And still pissed. I send Tuula a message where I said that there will be no cell dyeing this or next week. I also said that maybe it's good. If I can't remember a simple thing and concentrate enough to seed my cells at all needed plates, maybe it's not good to do hundred different experiments at the same time. She agreed.
And besides I still have four weeks time, and in that time I can still do the experiments three times. So no big harm. I still have a lot work to do, 100 plates to shoot and count. And in these plates I'll have four different cells and eight different treatments. So I believe that's enough for one week. And I still have one extra week if I need one, though then I won't have any free time... So I hope I can do all my experiments in a month.

And now next week isn't so stressful for me. On Tuesday I need to go to Helsinki for my visa interview and on Saturday we need to go to Tampere (grandmothers funerals). And on both of these days I'd have work to do and it would've been Reija who had done them. And now she doesn't need to stain the cells (and I would've wanted to do those because my cells don't play with me and the colors I use). So now she only needs to take pics and count the cells on Tuesday and on Saturday I need to come to work after the funerals, I need to shoot some pics, count the cells and do some apoptosis tests... Sigh.
And I would like just to be at home and do my work but I fucking have to travel around Finland. Maybe it's good to leave this environment just for a couple of hours, I don't know why I stress so much in here. Maybe it's because I would like to hang around home and be with Tarmo and cats as much as I can before I leave, because I start to realize that I'll be gone for half a year and because my experiments don't go well. I'd like to get all results before I leave and get some kind of conception what I've done and why.

These times I just hope I could do a meaningless job, where I could just do my work and wouldn't need to think anything. But I've done that job for six months in my life and I got bored! It's not for me. I love research. It's my dream job. I try to enjoy it. It's just that I'd need to get all results so soon. Luckily I was clever enough when I scheduled my masters thesis, I said I'd be ready only next spring. And it will.

I'll go home now to sleep with cats.

Party party or not?

Why can't people do things the easiest way?

It makes me sad because I really have made an effort to do food and arranged a place where we could celebrate i peace, and where we'd have a lot of space etc. And then people just say that "we'll just stop by". Fuck them. I even arranged some mattresses there so that people would be comfortable to sleep. But now it seems that NO-ONE is going to sleep there. And I already promised to go and carry some other mattresses away from one building in order to get mattresses for us. And because I already promised it I can't cancel it. So all in vain.

I'm sure I'm going to make way too much food there but that's not that big problem, we'll just have to eat them our selves during Eastern. But the thing that pisses me off is that people don't even bother to say to me that they won't sleep here and will leave early. Not until I ask and have already arranged all.

I know I'm just stressing too much over this but it's just that I'd like everyone to have fun and eat well and me a good hostess and no-one ever thanks me. Well Tarmo says that I'm doing everything well so on. But he'd better to say that! Muaha!

But not anymore about that. If people won't enjoy I'll hang my self. Or not.

But some nice things too have happened. I've done my Bachelor of Sciences courses! All of them! And I got 5 from the virology course! Nice!

And still nothing from Iowa. I keep thinking that they won't take me there and I've arranged all my things in vain. I don't know why it's one of the most biggest things that bothers me always. I mean that I'm always afraid that all my efforts are in vain and I do things just for nothing and all my plans will go fucked. Stupid, I know.

I got some funny pics about our kitties but I've been lazy and they're still in my camera. I should empty it for tomorrow so that there would be only our engagement pics. Our parents will come tomorrow at noon and we reserved a table from Banthai! Tarmos mom Raija and her husband Kari came to stop by already today. They're going to Tampere and will come from there tomorrow. And my other brother and his girlfriend won't come at all. Stupid. They didn't even bother to say anything before. Though I knew already that they won't come the first time I asked them because they were so lame about it. "We'll see" they said. Yeah right!

But again away from the moaning. Our parents will come tomorrow and after they leave I'll do all the salads for Saturday. And on Saturday morning I'll bake some baguette. And then it's it.

I hope we could arrange the places already today so that we could just take all the stuff to the place on Saturday.

I just want everything to be perfect. That's why I'm stressing. I know. Nothing's perfect. And that sucks.