New Plans

Eastern was peaceful, nice and needed holiday. On Saturday we visited my parents as my Mom turned 60. We got loads of food with us and ate a lot. We also went for walking too so I wasn't just being lazy, though I did almost nothing for my Thesis. Yesterday I broke my back when we went to play kids, i.e. went to slide down. And there was a huge space where to slide and we managed to find the only ice cube and bumbed to it. And now my back muscles ache.

I also had to redo my plans. As I can't read for the exam I was supposed to have in three weeks (the book hasn't arrived yet), I need to write my thesis and start reading next week and do the exam three weeks later that I was supposed to do it. At the same time I'm having a seminar (luckily it's only for two weeks) and I need to read for other exam too as I'm doing the internship at the same time I should read for the exam. An instead of six weeks I'll have only three weeks time to read for that if I don't start earlier. So, so much of my relaxing Spring.

But it's okay. I just want to graduate. In June. Please.

Blah.

I know it's been ages, I've just been too "busy" meaning that I've been too lazy... I have done some work for my thesis, of course. But not too much yet... I'm still not in the mood for writing, so I'll just tell shortly what's going on.

I've done one essay for one course to get the points and done things to get my courses from Iowa to my degree. And on Thursday we went to a bar with Tarmo to have some drinks with couple of professors from our university, that was fun!

We also visited Kuopio again to see Tarmo's possible future boss. Though it was really weird from the beginning. First in the morning Tarmo wrote an e-mail to him asking when could they meet and he answered that he's there the same day. Tarmo replied and said what time we'll be there (we went by train) and asked where should he go. He just replied that give me a call. We had to leave soon after that and he never told where to go. So on our way to Kuopio Tarmo tried to call him but he didn't answer. When we arrived to Kuopio, still no answer. We thought that we need to eat something quickly if Tarmo needs to be soon somewhere else. But again, even though Tarmo called every half an hour to him, he never answered. Tarmo even tried to check his e-mail with my phone but it didn't work out. We started looking the center of Kuopio, browsing in the shops. Finally around three he callet to Tarmo, said an address and didn't even answer when Tarmo asked the name of the company. So at four they met (I was with Kaisa) and in five minutes it was over. He didn't even take Tarmo inside but talked with him outside! He didn't remember where Tarmo was from (he graduated from the same university and Tarmo had said that before) and his answer was "we don't take graduated people"!!! WHAT?? And Tarmo very clearly said that he's graduating and his reply was "we always need physichist".
I said to Tarmo that good that he didn't take Tarmo, he seems to be way too weird to be a good boss. But it still pisses me off, this all could've been figured out by e-mail, it cost us some money to go to Kuopio all for nothing, and it cost us a work day AND we didn't even have time to go to taekwondo since it was already too late when we got back home. So stupid...

So, this weekend we've just relaxed, cleaned the house, played with kitties etc etc. Feels good to do nothing, for a change. Though I need to do some work for the thesis to get my results done, I've finished Matherials and Methods, almost done with Results, and started to read articles for the introduction and to do some research... So I'm not in panic and my thesis has already some pages done...

But that's how things are here. No deeper analysis about my daily life. :P

Baby is (are) Back

So, I'm back in here.

I've gotten myself in order, no more waking up at 2 am, no rash and I have been doing few things for my future too! Life in Finland is easy. I don't feel weird, I love being back home. We got our babies back yesterday too and I love the feeling when someone comes and wipes his/hers tail against my leg ^^ Though they've grown up so much!
I'm having tomorrow my welcome back party, my friends arranget everything and it feels so weird because I don't know what's been planned and what should I do...

But as I'm not in the mood for writing much today, I'll just briefly tell what's going on.
I'm writing an essay for one course I couldn't do before but which I need to do for my degree. After that's done I'll return for my results and try to make some kind of picture of my work in my head and after that I'll start writing. I also should go to nurse to get last of my hepatite vaccination done, get my courses from Iowa in my degree and send some flights to insurance company. My first course is beginning only next month so I have some time to do all these little things though I've planned to get my Introduction mostly done by the time the course begins. Luckily it's only two weeks and labs, after that I'll return to writing and I should get my thesis done as soon as possible, as I need to do two book exams after that (one is exam about the literature I used and one is THE final examination in cell biology). I'll have my other course on April-May I think and I hope that by that time my thesis would be quite ready as I'm having the seminar course and I need to give a representation of my work by then. And after that I should find a place to do a short internship so that I could get all the needed courses for my degree and then I'd be kind of ready!

And the reason for horrying things up is that I'm moving to Kuopio with Tarmo next Summer!!! I GOT THE PLACE! I mean in the research group and I'll start as soon as I'm done in here. I'm quite happy ^^ They promised that there would be a place for me for the next 4-5 years!
And as Tarmo is graduating too, there's no problem moving away. And he has his things almost in order too...

But as I finally updated my stuff in here, I can go sleeping soon...

Oh how I love having our kitties back!!!

Party party or not?

Why can't people do things the easiest way?

It makes me sad because I really have made an effort to do food and arranged a place where we could celebrate i peace, and where we'd have a lot of space etc. And then people just say that "we'll just stop by". Fuck them. I even arranged some mattresses there so that people would be comfortable to sleep. But now it seems that NO-ONE is going to sleep there. And I already promised to go and carry some other mattresses away from one building in order to get mattresses for us. And because I already promised it I can't cancel it. So all in vain.

I'm sure I'm going to make way too much food there but that's not that big problem, we'll just have to eat them our selves during Eastern. But the thing that pisses me off is that people don't even bother to say to me that they won't sleep here and will leave early. Not until I ask and have already arranged all.

I know I'm just stressing too much over this but it's just that I'd like everyone to have fun and eat well and me a good hostess and no-one ever thanks me. Well Tarmo says that I'm doing everything well so on. But he'd better to say that! Muaha!

But not anymore about that. If people won't enjoy I'll hang my self. Or not.

But some nice things too have happened. I've done my Bachelor of Sciences courses! All of them! And I got 5 from the virology course! Nice!

And still nothing from Iowa. I keep thinking that they won't take me there and I've arranged all my things in vain. I don't know why it's one of the most biggest things that bothers me always. I mean that I'm always afraid that all my efforts are in vain and I do things just for nothing and all my plans will go fucked. Stupid, I know.

I got some funny pics about our kitties but I've been lazy and they're still in my camera. I should empty it for tomorrow so that there would be only our engagement pics. Our parents will come tomorrow at noon and we reserved a table from Banthai! Tarmos mom Raija and her husband Kari came to stop by already today. They're going to Tampere and will come from there tomorrow. And my other brother and his girlfriend won't come at all. Stupid. They didn't even bother to say anything before. Though I knew already that they won't come the first time I asked them because they were so lame about it. "We'll see" they said. Yeah right!

But again away from the moaning. Our parents will come tomorrow and after they leave I'll do all the salads for Saturday. And on Saturday morning I'll bake some baguette. And then it's it.

I hope we could arrange the places already today so that we could just take all the stuff to the place on Saturday.

I just want everything to be perfect. That's why I'm stressing. I know. Nothing's perfect. And that sucks.

Happy Angry

Finally I can say it!

We are getting engaged!!

And what an effort it has been not to blurt it out! I have already said something like:
"We got a gift for... err... dishes..."
"Oh I almost said it but didn't"
"What are you doing on Eastern? We have... err... party"

I am big mouthed but I kept it as a secret! Of course our parents were the first ones to know and to get invitation. And we sent the cards for our friends last week. But I still have to say that I hope that not everyone is coming. We don´t have that big apartment. And if everyone was coming, it would be over 50 person in small room! Because the kittens must be in our bedroom so that people with allergies can be here and because someone of the guests are smoking and if people are drunk, they might not notice if a cat sneaks out to the balcony and fells down! We're living at seventh floor!
We are planning though to rent Lillukka, so the kitties would not be a problem and we could get more space. And Rentukka would be closer. But still planning. It would help if I could know who all are coming!

But some bad news too. One of by best and oldest friends and his boyfriend broke up! I was and still am so sad. But the guy was an idiot and he disgusts me! My friend had already suspected something. This guy had been partying since the late Fall and he didn't want to take her with him anymore. He didn't come home at nights but went to after parties. He didn't care her anymore as he used to care. I already then thought that this process would be so hard for her because they have an apartment together, most of their stuff are common and his mom is hers boss! And he already has a kind of place where to move in but she doesn't have.
Oh I cried so much after her call. I was playing like every Monday and went outside to talk to her and after a marathon call I cried to Tarmo so much that all got worried what had happened. And Vepa said that if I need to talk, I could talk to her. It was so sweet! I was sad but I was OK.
I called her every day and asked how she was. I was so proud of her (and still am) because she said she is sad and she still can't believe what had happened and she wouldn't like to leave him but she knows she has to. And she told me she is afraid that she can't let go. And I told her that I know she is strong! But still I was a bit worried if she couldn't let go. And even though I hated him for the grief he caused, I knew that this kind of things happen and it´s better to stop a relationship if people aren't happy in it anymore.
BUT last Monday I called her again and she was crying. She had read his messages from his cell phone and found like 200 messages from a girl! And he had sworn that there wasn't anyone else. Oh NOW I hate that guy! He had all the guts to get angry with her reading his messages! Yes, it is wrong but it was right in this situation! DAMN! I get all angry even thinking what happened.
He was explaining that it didn't mean anything for him and he was just laughing that girl with his friends. But the messages were from January to this day! JANUARY! FUCK!!!
GOD HE PISSES ME OFF!
HOW DOES HE DARE! HOW DOES HE DARE TO LIE IN A SUCH WAY! ARGH!

I can't write everything I think about this situation. But the point is that if I had been there I would've punched him. Or shaked him and yelled at him. I mean it. I'm not a violent person but I really got THAT angry. And still get angry when I think that. Did I already say it?

I don't know if they have already discussed about it and what has happened since because I tried to call her yesterday and she sent me a message saying she's too tired to talk about it. I said to her that she has to call me soon back. And promised that if she doesn't I will call. She hasn't called yet and if she doesn't call by tomorrow, I'll call. I need her to know that I care and that she can talk to me. I try not to judge anyone but can you blame me if I said something bad about him after last Monday?

But now I got all angry again so I'll change the subject.

It was funny today. There was a presentation in our department about a molecular biology corporation and the man in there thought that I had my own research group. It was so funny that I didn't correct him but kept talking like a real researcher. And it was real fun to act like a researcher! Even though I'm planning my own research and I'm going to try new things which haven't been tried before, I still don't think myself as a researcher. I'm just a student who can't do anything and who doesn't know anything. Even though people seem to assume that I know things, I think I don't. I've realized that the more I study the stupider I become and the less I know. I know, a common dilemma in science.

And back to the engagement thing. I'm kind of disappointed about the reactions we got when we told to our friends. We got few really nice reactions (and by this I mean the surprise it was meant to be). But most of people have only thanked about the invitation. Like the supposed this to happen? I don't know.

Tarmo got his new computer parts yesterday and he has been working on them since then (he did sleep at night though). He got even a "guru" friend here to help him today. And he's all smile. I can't help it but he's so cute when he gets this excited. And after his new machine is all ready, I get the old computer for playing. (Yes, I play games! The Sims 2 is quite addictive, my newest addiction is Civilization 4, though I play only at weekends.) But the problem is that we don't have an extra screen but Dad bought a new flat screen so I get his old one. What a coincidence!

I have a quite big sore bruise on my arm. I have no idea where it has become. And my back got jammed in the Monday sports. But it's already better. What else? I didn't menstruate last week like usual (no details about it). Anything else about my health? Muaha. Like the old peoples conversation.

I've been waking up quite early and have been able to read enough for the next exam about virology. Not that much to read which is nice. But it worries me because I think the course is easy, so I would suppose to get 5 from it (the best grade). And if I don't I get all disappointed on me again. I should write an essay for one course to get it through (no exam). And then I have still two laboratory courses this Spring. The other starts next week. It had a pre-exam and I believe (and hope) it went well.

But I think I have already written too much. How many of you read this this far?? Muaha.

Bored again

Whoa. Nothing much happened. I got 4 from the bioinformatics test but the teacher said it will rise to the 5. Yes! I've started my masters thesis (4 pages some real stuff and 12 pages just outline). And I'm now official "thesis worker". And I should start the experiments next month! (Though not until half of the month) It's kind of exciting.
I got my TOEFL scores and it went ok.
I went to the Suomen Solubiologit Ry. (Finland's cell biologists) meeting on Friday and now I'm a member of the committee. Sira came there with me and we got all these great ideas for what we're going to do in our department for the Molecular Recognition people! A whole area with tables and chairs just for us and there will be some magazines and stuff. Oh I hope it's going to be great and that we get people excited. We already made up our slogan so that no-one can blame us: We're not responsible, we're just loud! Muaha!

I'm bored. Yesterday we just do some laundry nothing more and today we cleaned and Tarmo did (and still does) his calculations for some course and I read something for our presentation on the EM-course but I'm really not in the mood so now I just try to think something to do. Long enough sentence?

Jane and Juksu should come here tomorrow but Jane is now in Riga (will be back today) with Niina and she's sick. Jane I mean. And it's too bad if she's sick tomorrow too and they can't come here because I've been waiting it. But of course if she's sick they can't come. I don't want to get sick.

But I'm going to go and think something to do. Bored! But it's good to be bored sometimes. With that I have the energy to be really effective some other day.

ps. Something nice will happen.

Anyone seen my thoughts?

I kind of depressed just. I found my first roommate's old e-mail from my Thunderbird and decided to write to her. But her e-mail wasn't working anymore. So I felt down. But then I was smart and put her name in The Google (I knew that she lives in Helsinki and might teach in some school) and I found her (or someone named her) e-mail from some schools web sites. Now I just hope that she is she!

I saw a dream last night. I was in check-in. Going to USA. We talked about exchange yesterday in our course so it is maybe because of that that I had that dream.

So a new course (electron microscopy) begun on Monday. Yesterday. Yes. We're now in Tuesday, right? It's fun again and we have a nice group there working. Nice chatting all the time.

My thoughts are now somewhere far away and I really can't concentrate on anything.

We are supposed to go to do our (that is me and Reija) project to the bioinformatics course and I should do the last assignments for the lipid trafficking course. But all that will take too much time! I'll hope we could finish our project tomorrow and I could do the things for the traffic thing on Thursday and finish it on weekend so we could start to do this EM-courses things. I desided to do all the things in time this year so that I can concentrate in my pro gradu research too.

Ah but who can find my thoughts??? I've lost them. It took so much effort to even write this right.

Still cold

So, it was kind of cold today. But I put enough clothes on so I was fine. It was hard to bike (it just didn't go forward) but it was still better way to go to the university and back home. But I don't want to go outside anymore today. It was THAT cold.

But you never believe what our kitties had done during the night!! They had eaten my bananas! MY BANANAS! Actually they didn't eat them but they had peeled one of them (and the banana was still one nice banana) and the other had been bitten and played with. So I couldn't eat them anymore. But it was funny. I can't even imagine how they managed to peel the banana so cleanly!

And by the way, the kitties feel fine. They're just like before. No more poor kitties.

And about last weekend. It was fun and I got so much out of it. Mostly we discussed about Heidi's work but we thought some things I would start to do too. And I surprised Jaska too. I didn't realize that it was the medical university we went (Jaska studies there) and while we were drinking coffee in he cafeteria I saw Jaska and went to say hello. And we saw again on Saturday when we went to the MM-Kyykkä. It was fun there too. We went there at 9 am and started to "celebrate" right away. I saw Riina there too and we hanged with her and her friends there. Then we found Jaska and hanged with him and his friends. And then me and Tarmo went to see my brother and his family and after that one of my friends had a party and we went there. And finally we were back at my parents house at midnight.

Me and Riina
Tarmo and me


Some doctor guys (Jaska behind me) and me
(Can't remember the other two names)

And on Sunday we woke up early (we slept in the living room so the kitties were with us and got all wild at 7am). And we were back home at 4pm. And I learned all the 20 normal amino acids while sitting in the train (when we went and when we came back). And the test was on Tuesday (not on Monday as I thought). And it went well. And I got 4 of the neurobiology exam!
I'm starting to be smart again. Maybe it's because I now have the time to study well.
I'll have another exam on Monday. And then I'll have a laboratory course (electron microscopy). I thought that it would be cool if me and my partner (Reija) could do some brain slices there (we'll do some specimens there, but not about the brain). So I went to the supervisor and asked if that could be possible. And it is! No-one in our university knows well how it should be done or what we should see in them but she said we can still try. How awesome! And Tuula praised my idea and the thing that I thought such a thing and went to ask about it. It after all is one aspect of my interests (not that I would do it necessarily in any point of my life) so it's really useful for me to know how these kind of specimens are done.
The only thing is, that because no-one knows about this issue, me and Reija have to do much more work for our things in that course. But I don't mind. At least now. Muaha.

But I have to go back to do dome research for one cource.

Overwhelmed

Wow. Soon I'll not understand what's happening in my life.

We'll be going to Tampere tomorrow morning to this lab to look some cells and to talk about what to do next. They'll teach me some things about cell culturing and we'll start thinking what I should do and what I could do so that my research would fill some missing things in their research. something. It will be interesting. This will be my first time in some one else's lab. Kind of excursion. Exiting!

AND, the BIG thing! We talked with Tuula about me going to Tennessee to Miki's lab to visit while I'm in the USA and the possibility that I could go to there after my USA studies for few weeks before I come back to Finland. And he had said yes. YES. YES! So, I'll be going there to do some little project for a few weeks. Then I asked (I fas half kidding) if Tuula would know someone in physics field there and she got all exited and looked right away if she knows someone from the Vanderbilt University when she goes to Biophysics meeting next March. She doesn't but she said she'll find and ask someone when she goes to the meeting.
So, Tarmo will be coming to the university to do something when I'm there. That's so GREAT! I'm so happy!

AND that's not all, folks. When (notice, WHEN) I'm going back there to do the research for my Ph.D. Tarmo can come too! He'll might come there to do something in the biophysics field (which has a lot to do with neuroscience). So happy!

He'll take some courses with me this spring (actually three) in biochemistry so he knows something in that field too.

Oh god I can't even say how excited I am! EXCITED! OH!

I couldn't even imagine anything like this. I'm on my third year in the university and I'm going to start my masters thesis soon, I'll go to visit someone else's labs and do some cooperation with someone who really knows things. And I already have a place where to go to do research. I can't understand this! I'm so overwhelmed.

But I'll tell something else too, though really shortly only.

SO, well go to Tampere. We'll take the kitties with us to my parents. On Saturday we'll go to look WM-contest in kyykkä and visit some friends. On Monday I'll have to know the 20 amino acids by names and by structure. And I did my maturity for my B.Sc. today. It went well.