Oh I just love my man!!!
I am home alone and listen music from his computer and suddenly one sad song (Tori Amos - Bonny and Clyde) stops and there comes my song!!! (Seminaarimäen mieslaulajat - Taina)
He did some mystic things at the university and took the winamp under his control (windows remote desktop he says) and ahhh. Tears came into my eyes, I was so touched.
Sigh. I just love that man.
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Friday, April 13, 2007
Too Much Thinking
Oh my blogger has been changed in Finnish! Just noticed.
I'm going to go to BiTa today. I'm not in the mood going there but I've already paid it and it has been fun earlier. I believe that I'm getting in the mood when I get to the bus and to the place. Luckily it's near Jyväskylä, so the journey to there won't be long.
I have a worry. My periods haven't started yet. Though my tummy is messed up today (as it always gets on the first day). And though they should've started only yesterday or the day before that. But they were so weird last month too. Only one day period and even that wasn't The Period. Not in details. I hope that my tummy knows these things again. If they don't begin this week (as they should since I eat pills) I'll have to go to YTHS to see a doctor.
I really don't know if I'm more worried about is there something wrong with me or am I pregnant? The latter would change all my plans (including the exchange) and that would piss me off because I've really done a big effort to arrange all my things. But if there's something wrong with me... One of my biggest fear has always been that I am not able to have a child. Though adoption is not an issue for me but still. And abortion. Nothing against to it too but I really don't believe it could be an option for me (though how could I know, I've never been in a situation where I should've had to consider it). And the reason for that is again that if in future I couldn't have a baby I would regret the abortion for the rest of my life. And when it comes to children my emotions are on surface and my baby would be the first thing to be thought of.
I believe that if it would be so that I got pregnant, I would be ready to be a mom. I'd have to. I wouldn't give my baby to anyone. Luckily I'm quite long in my studies, so that if I had baby, I could do some book exams on Fall and few courses on Spring. And then I'd go to USA. But then it might be working business, not studies. Or PhD studies there. So my Big Plans wouldn't change. They would only delay.
And about my love, Tarmo. As always I told him about my worries. It almost got me into tears (again). He's so wonderful! I really can't believe I've such a man. We didn't discuss much about the possibility of me being pregnant. And that's only because I'm too afraid to REALLY think about it. I afraid that it might be true. But back to Tarmo. When I told him what worries me, he didn't say much. He mentioned abortion and I said what I think. Then we did other casual stuff and when we got to bed we talked again. He took me in to his arms and conformed me. Then he said that if I'm pregnant, can I go to US? I said no, at least not for that long time I planned (if so, I might go there for a three months or something like that if that's possible). Nothing much else. But the way he talked to me said that he would accept the baby and wouldn't force me in abortion. At least I feel like that. I think also he doesn't want to think this thing.
Okay, I admit now that I've been thinking this a bit. But as I said, I'm too afraid to think it too much. And I'm too afraid to go to Pharmacist and buy a pregnancy test. At least today. I want to focus my thoughts to BiTa. And if my periods won't start by when I get back I think I have to go to Pharmacist. And then to doctor. But that's the furthest I dare to think this.
I can't deny that I haven't had a baby boom. My hormones tell me a lot of stuff about babies. But my brains say other stuff. And I believe my brains. That's one reason why I wanted our kitties. (One of the other reasons were that I've wanted for long some kind of animal). And I can't say that these darling kitties wouldn't have helped. I do want to have babies as young as possible but not sooner than it's necessary. And I've always thought that that would be then when I have a job and I get enough money to take care of the baby well. I don't say that one can't take care of the baby with a little less money but I'm just that much after money. And I've always thought that I'd finish my studies before getting pregnant. And that's what I want to do!
I believe that it doesn't hurt me to think these stuff even that I'm not pregnant. And I'm so lucky that I have this fiancee that supports me and thinks these stuff with me. That's a lot more that I could have ever hoped (because I'm used to men who are just grumpy if woman wants to talk these kind of stuff). Have I ever told how much I love this man?! And the thing is that I DO want to have his child. BUT NOT YET!
I know that if I'm pregnant our parents will be worried because I know they too want us to graduate first. But I also know that they won't abandon us if that happens and that they will support us. Whatever our decision is. I also know that a lot people will think us crazy. But I really don't care. I'm just concerned about our future and I too obey the Darwin´s laws. I just want to pass my genes on to next generation.
I also know that maybe I shouldn't think these stuff before everything is sure or worry before there is something to worry about. But I don't worry this that much that I couldn't sleep or that it would distract me all the time. This is just me thinking all kind of stuff and thinking what if.
I won't worry too much until Sunday. And that's two more days. And I have all kinds of stuff to do before that. And if I need to worry I know who to call and who to worry with.
But now that I've shared this with the internet I can do some other stuff. I just needed to think these stuff through a text.
I'm going to go to BiTa today. I'm not in the mood going there but I've already paid it and it has been fun earlier. I believe that I'm getting in the mood when I get to the bus and to the place. Luckily it's near Jyväskylä, so the journey to there won't be long.
I have a worry. My periods haven't started yet. Though my tummy is messed up today (as it always gets on the first day). And though they should've started only yesterday or the day before that. But they were so weird last month too. Only one day period and even that wasn't The Period. Not in details. I hope that my tummy knows these things again. If they don't begin this week (as they should since I eat pills) I'll have to go to YTHS to see a doctor.
I really don't know if I'm more worried about is there something wrong with me or am I pregnant? The latter would change all my plans (including the exchange) and that would piss me off because I've really done a big effort to arrange all my things. But if there's something wrong with me... One of my biggest fear has always been that I am not able to have a child. Though adoption is not an issue for me but still. And abortion. Nothing against to it too but I really don't believe it could be an option for me (though how could I know, I've never been in a situation where I should've had to consider it). And the reason for that is again that if in future I couldn't have a baby I would regret the abortion for the rest of my life. And when it comes to children my emotions are on surface and my baby would be the first thing to be thought of.
I believe that if it would be so that I got pregnant, I would be ready to be a mom. I'd have to. I wouldn't give my baby to anyone. Luckily I'm quite long in my studies, so that if I had baby, I could do some book exams on Fall and few courses on Spring. And then I'd go to USA. But then it might be working business, not studies. Or PhD studies there. So my Big Plans wouldn't change. They would only delay.
And about my love, Tarmo. As always I told him about my worries. It almost got me into tears (again). He's so wonderful! I really can't believe I've such a man. We didn't discuss much about the possibility of me being pregnant. And that's only because I'm too afraid to REALLY think about it. I afraid that it might be true. But back to Tarmo. When I told him what worries me, he didn't say much. He mentioned abortion and I said what I think. Then we did other casual stuff and when we got to bed we talked again. He took me in to his arms and conformed me. Then he said that if I'm pregnant, can I go to US? I said no, at least not for that long time I planned (if so, I might go there for a three months or something like that if that's possible). Nothing much else. But the way he talked to me said that he would accept the baby and wouldn't force me in abortion. At least I feel like that. I think also he doesn't want to think this thing.
Okay, I admit now that I've been thinking this a bit. But as I said, I'm too afraid to think it too much. And I'm too afraid to go to Pharmacist and buy a pregnancy test. At least today. I want to focus my thoughts to BiTa. And if my periods won't start by when I get back I think I have to go to Pharmacist. And then to doctor. But that's the furthest I dare to think this.
I can't deny that I haven't had a baby boom. My hormones tell me a lot of stuff about babies. But my brains say other stuff. And I believe my brains. That's one reason why I wanted our kitties. (One of the other reasons were that I've wanted for long some kind of animal). And I can't say that these darling kitties wouldn't have helped. I do want to have babies as young as possible but not sooner than it's necessary. And I've always thought that that would be then when I have a job and I get enough money to take care of the baby well. I don't say that one can't take care of the baby with a little less money but I'm just that much after money. And I've always thought that I'd finish my studies before getting pregnant. And that's what I want to do!
I believe that it doesn't hurt me to think these stuff even that I'm not pregnant. And I'm so lucky that I have this fiancee that supports me and thinks these stuff with me. That's a lot more that I could have ever hoped (because I'm used to men who are just grumpy if woman wants to talk these kind of stuff). Have I ever told how much I love this man?! And the thing is that I DO want to have his child. BUT NOT YET!
I know that if I'm pregnant our parents will be worried because I know they too want us to graduate first. But I also know that they won't abandon us if that happens and that they will support us. Whatever our decision is. I also know that a lot people will think us crazy. But I really don't care. I'm just concerned about our future and I too obey the Darwin´s laws. I just want to pass my genes on to next generation.
I also know that maybe I shouldn't think these stuff before everything is sure or worry before there is something to worry about. But I don't worry this that much that I couldn't sleep or that it would distract me all the time. This is just me thinking all kind of stuff and thinking what if.
I won't worry too much until Sunday. And that's two more days. And I have all kinds of stuff to do before that. And if I need to worry I know who to call and who to worry with.
But now that I've shared this with the internet I can do some other stuff. I just needed to think these stuff through a text.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
TOEFL and other things
The TOEFL is over. It was harder than I expected but I believe it still went ok. I didn't first realize that the time was for the reading AND answering the questions so I was out of time when I had to answer but I was rushing and made it but I hadn't much time to think. And the speaking section was hard. There wasn't enough time to think what to say. I lost my thought in one question and mumbled. And I didn't understand some of the texts fully (they were considering history and business) and when I was supposed to listen and then speak I heard other people talking and it disturbed me. It was hard to concentrate when others were speaking and you could hear it and you should've been thinking what to say or write. But still I hope it went well enough. I always have after all exams my doubts but I quickly stop depressing my self and stop thinking such a things. Instead I start being disappointed in my self when I get results. Or proud. It works that way too.
So it was really quick visit in Helsinki. My mom came with me and we got some coffee after we arrived, I did the test (it really took the four hours), we went to pizza and left back to Tampere. The whole trip took almost 12 hours if one counts the traveling to the railwaystation too. I was tired after that. Especially my eyes were. They didn't have flat screens there so my eyes started hurting after the first hour. The screen kept flashing all the time. Not so nice. And as I already mentioned the headphones let all the voices in so I heard what other people were talking about. Moan moan moan. Just excuses if I fail it. But of course I don't think such a things. And of course I'll success. I hope.
On Wednesday we went to Ideapark and it was nice once again. Mom bought new book shelves and a bed for her. She has planned for a while new book shelves to their livingroom because she hates the ones they have now. And since dad and mom sleep now in different rooms and the bed she (used to be mine) doesn't fit for her back, she bought a traditional bed for herself. She already had a good mattress from the twinbed. And dad got a motorized bed from Olavi. His shoulder was operated last week so it's better for him. And mothers back doesn't like that bed either. It first felted odd that they sleep in different rooms but why not. They both snore BADLY and mom can always push dad to be quiet but if dad pushes mom, she wakes and gets angry and doesn't sleep anymore on that night. And dad still needs to go to work early on the morning so he really needs his sleep. And there was one sparse room left.
I felt how they had both slept better than for a while. They were happy. And dad haven't been drinking this year. Maybe he will keep his promise. It felt good to be there. They spoke to each other and joked around. It's amazing what good night sleep can do to people.
I came back home early. Tarmo had been drinking yesterday and I messed my thoughts and said I'd come half twelve but I meant I'd be in Jyväskylä 12.30. So he was in a hurry and was in the station an hour before I was there! I felt bad about it but he said it was ok, he had something to do there anyway and he had a ride from his friend since it was really cold and that the driver was also supposed to come to city anyway. He said that he knows that I'd start feeling bad and he knows that I didn't mean it. He said that he knows that I hate when people need to do thongs for me and I don't like to bother people. And a tear almost came to my eye when he said that. Once again I realized how well he knows me and how much I love him. And of course I told it to him.
And we had to walk to home. Tarmo didn't have his bike with him and my bikes lock had been frozen and I couldn't open it. We'll get it on Monday.
Ah, and on Tuesday we had a girls night again. It was fun as usual. We gossiped, healed the world and did all the other usual things.
And I got new shoes! Boots!!! They're really nice! I would've had my mothers brown shoes with heals (they didn't for for her) but I walked with them two hours in the Ideapark and my feet started to hurt so much that I almost couldn't walk. So we went to buy new ones (she promised she would've anyway got me new shoes). And I tried these boots I've always wanted to try but I've always doubted if I'd like them. And I love them! They look good on me and feel good! And they have heals! Not THE Heals but that kind of heals I can walk with. And they weren't expensive. I also found a new jacket. It's original price was 70€ but we got it in 15€! It's nice too.
Tarmo has a hangover and I feel sympathy hangover too. I'm tired and I don't feel like doing anything. Tomorrow I have to finish my application and on Monday I have to get some documents for it. And on Tuesday my courses will begin.
I believe I've written enough (if not too much) and I'm going to sleep.
But before that, here's a picture on our Pimp My Lab Team. Sira took this picture so I had to edit her to be in this too (I did it really quickly and I don't have a proper program to do it, sorry Sira!)
So it was really quick visit in Helsinki. My mom came with me and we got some coffee after we arrived, I did the test (it really took the four hours), we went to pizza and left back to Tampere. The whole trip took almost 12 hours if one counts the traveling to the railwaystation too. I was tired after that. Especially my eyes were. They didn't have flat screens there so my eyes started hurting after the first hour. The screen kept flashing all the time. Not so nice. And as I already mentioned the headphones let all the voices in so I heard what other people were talking about. Moan moan moan. Just excuses if I fail it. But of course I don't think such a things. And of course I'll success. I hope.
On Wednesday we went to Ideapark and it was nice once again. Mom bought new book shelves and a bed for her. She has planned for a while new book shelves to their livingroom because she hates the ones they have now. And since dad and mom sleep now in different rooms and the bed she (used to be mine) doesn't fit for her back, she bought a traditional bed for herself. She already had a good mattress from the twinbed. And dad got a motorized bed from Olavi. His shoulder was operated last week so it's better for him. And mothers back doesn't like that bed either. It first felted odd that they sleep in different rooms but why not. They both snore BADLY and mom can always push dad to be quiet but if dad pushes mom, she wakes and gets angry and doesn't sleep anymore on that night. And dad still needs to go to work early on the morning so he really needs his sleep. And there was one sparse room left.
I felt how they had both slept better than for a while. They were happy. And dad haven't been drinking this year. Maybe he will keep his promise. It felt good to be there. They spoke to each other and joked around. It's amazing what good night sleep can do to people.
I came back home early. Tarmo had been drinking yesterday and I messed my thoughts and said I'd come half twelve but I meant I'd be in Jyväskylä 12.30. So he was in a hurry and was in the station an hour before I was there! I felt bad about it but he said it was ok, he had something to do there anyway and he had a ride from his friend since it was really cold and that the driver was also supposed to come to city anyway. He said that he knows that I'd start feeling bad and he knows that I didn't mean it. He said that he knows that I hate when people need to do thongs for me and I don't like to bother people. And a tear almost came to my eye when he said that. Once again I realized how well he knows me and how much I love him. And of course I told it to him.
And we had to walk to home. Tarmo didn't have his bike with him and my bikes lock had been frozen and I couldn't open it. We'll get it on Monday.
Ah, and on Tuesday we had a girls night again. It was fun as usual. We gossiped, healed the world and did all the other usual things.
And I got new shoes! Boots!!! They're really nice! I would've had my mothers brown shoes with heals (they didn't for for her) but I walked with them two hours in the Ideapark and my feet started to hurt so much that I almost couldn't walk. So we went to buy new ones (she promised she would've anyway got me new shoes). And I tried these boots I've always wanted to try but I've always doubted if I'd like them. And I love them! They look good on me and feel good! And they have heals! Not THE Heals but that kind of heals I can walk with. And they weren't expensive. I also found a new jacket. It's original price was 70€ but we got it in 15€! It's nice too.
Tarmo has a hangover and I feel sympathy hangover too. I'm tired and I don't feel like doing anything. Tomorrow I have to finish my application and on Monday I have to get some documents for it. And on Tuesday my courses will begin.
I believe I've written enough (if not too much) and I'm going to sleep.
But before that, here's a picture on our Pimp My Lab Team. Sira took this picture so I had to edit her to be in this too (I did it really quickly and I don't have a proper program to do it, sorry Sira!)
Riikka, Reija, Sira, Piia, Saara, Emilia and me
The Pimp My Lab Team
The Pimp My Lab Team
Muaha! I still need to tell why we have this Team. During our laboratory courses we've came up few ideas we'll do if we don't succeed in our own field. We'll start this enterprise and start to Pimp Labs. We are already started to develop the piko-pipette and we're thinking to start cooperation with Marimekko. We'll print their flower patterns on the objective glasses (so one can invidualize ones own things) and on the microscopes, of course. We have also developed a color coding for the pipettes (baby blue and pink for the smallest and adult colors for the biggest) and for the microscopes (if you roll this purple button it will do this and that, no-one has to learn difficult names for the microscope parts!). And these are only the few ideas we've come up with. SO THESE WERE OUR IDEAS, IF SOMEONE IS USING THEM BEFORE US, WE'LL SUE YOU!
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