Phef, not pregnant. Well, that wasn't the most obvious reason for my lack of periods. But one possibility. Thank God it wasn't so. I worried about it a bit in BiTa but not way too much. And about BiTa:
It was fun. There were more familiar people than I assumed and we formed a nice group there. I was drunk on Friday night but not too much. I didn't have any hang over but I had so much fun! We were the first there (as not obvious since we were the city who arranged BiTa this year). So we had much time to spend so we played games. And because of that most of my muscles are sore now. One other reason was the hard floor we slept on. On Friday we went to the other of the two local bars and it was so fun! I didn't drink much there and had a class of water every time I got cider. A nice way to keep on. And I chatted with many people. And Teppo. Again. He was so wasted that it almost got me pissed off. But I promised him I'd take care him so that he'd end up sleeping at the place where we slept. We'll he had to have a taxi in order to get to the place but I didn't go to it, it was only 15 minute walk! So he went with some other friends and we got to fire place to continue partying. Soon it was 4 am. and me and Reija got back to the place to get some sleep. Then Sari came to me and asked if I had seen Teppo, he was gone missing. So I dressed up again and went to find him. And I found him. He was sleeping in the most tiniest place he could find and since he didn't snore we couldn't find him. And his cell phone was soundless.
So finally I got some sleep but didn't sleep well. At 8 am. we went to get some breakfast and took a short walk since the weather was beautiful. Then we got to the first seminar and after that we went back to sleep. The subjects in the other seminars weren't so interesting for us. And then we got lunch and went back to sleep. And then coffee and back to sleep. Though we couldn't sleep because of the noise but at least we rested. And then we got outside just to hang out and after that on dinner. And after that we got to sauna while others played some games that didn't interest us. And hanged out at there, moved back to the place and at 11pm. to the other local bar. I drunk only one cider because I felt a bit strange and nauseous and worried a bit. And shared my worry with Reija and Kirsikka. They were supportive and I felt better after telling someone. And we were back to sleep at 2am. Though people came back all noisy at 4am. and performed a show (I was too tired to get up and I've seen it twice so I just listened and laughed at my sleeping place). And when it finished I fell back to sleep and woke up at 9am. I felt nauseous again but it was only because of the SMELL there were. Old booze and puke. YUK!
Luckily I had called to Tarmo last night if he and his friend could pick me up earlier to home (we were supposed to be back at 2pm. and there wasn't anything to do anymore, except to clean the place of course). But I was worried and wanted to get home. So they picked me up at 11 am and we got home via Pharmacist. And only after then I finally found out that I REALLY wasn't pregnant. My periods still haven't started.
I'll call to the doctor tomorrow morning.
I still feel a bit tired (not a surprise) but I hope I'll cheer up by tomorrow. But in order to do that I'll go to sleep now. I'm too tired to get my pics on the camera, so I'll do that later.
SO glad my plans won't go all messed up. I hope.
Showing posts with label pregnant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pregnant. Show all posts
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Friday, April 13, 2007
Too Much Thinking
Oh my blogger has been changed in Finnish! Just noticed.
I'm going to go to BiTa today. I'm not in the mood going there but I've already paid it and it has been fun earlier. I believe that I'm getting in the mood when I get to the bus and to the place. Luckily it's near Jyväskylä, so the journey to there won't be long.
I have a worry. My periods haven't started yet. Though my tummy is messed up today (as it always gets on the first day). And though they should've started only yesterday or the day before that. But they were so weird last month too. Only one day period and even that wasn't The Period. Not in details. I hope that my tummy knows these things again. If they don't begin this week (as they should since I eat pills) I'll have to go to YTHS to see a doctor.
I really don't know if I'm more worried about is there something wrong with me or am I pregnant? The latter would change all my plans (including the exchange) and that would piss me off because I've really done a big effort to arrange all my things. But if there's something wrong with me... One of my biggest fear has always been that I am not able to have a child. Though adoption is not an issue for me but still. And abortion. Nothing against to it too but I really don't believe it could be an option for me (though how could I know, I've never been in a situation where I should've had to consider it). And the reason for that is again that if in future I couldn't have a baby I would regret the abortion for the rest of my life. And when it comes to children my emotions are on surface and my baby would be the first thing to be thought of.
I believe that if it would be so that I got pregnant, I would be ready to be a mom. I'd have to. I wouldn't give my baby to anyone. Luckily I'm quite long in my studies, so that if I had baby, I could do some book exams on Fall and few courses on Spring. And then I'd go to USA. But then it might be working business, not studies. Or PhD studies there. So my Big Plans wouldn't change. They would only delay.
And about my love, Tarmo. As always I told him about my worries. It almost got me into tears (again). He's so wonderful! I really can't believe I've such a man. We didn't discuss much about the possibility of me being pregnant. And that's only because I'm too afraid to REALLY think about it. I afraid that it might be true. But back to Tarmo. When I told him what worries me, he didn't say much. He mentioned abortion and I said what I think. Then we did other casual stuff and when we got to bed we talked again. He took me in to his arms and conformed me. Then he said that if I'm pregnant, can I go to US? I said no, at least not for that long time I planned (if so, I might go there for a three months or something like that if that's possible). Nothing much else. But the way he talked to me said that he would accept the baby and wouldn't force me in abortion. At least I feel like that. I think also he doesn't want to think this thing.
Okay, I admit now that I've been thinking this a bit. But as I said, I'm too afraid to think it too much. And I'm too afraid to go to Pharmacist and buy a pregnancy test. At least today. I want to focus my thoughts to BiTa. And if my periods won't start by when I get back I think I have to go to Pharmacist. And then to doctor. But that's the furthest I dare to think this.
I can't deny that I haven't had a baby boom. My hormones tell me a lot of stuff about babies. But my brains say other stuff. And I believe my brains. That's one reason why I wanted our kitties. (One of the other reasons were that I've wanted for long some kind of animal). And I can't say that these darling kitties wouldn't have helped. I do want to have babies as young as possible but not sooner than it's necessary. And I've always thought that that would be then when I have a job and I get enough money to take care of the baby well. I don't say that one can't take care of the baby with a little less money but I'm just that much after money. And I've always thought that I'd finish my studies before getting pregnant. And that's what I want to do!
I believe that it doesn't hurt me to think these stuff even that I'm not pregnant. And I'm so lucky that I have this fiancee that supports me and thinks these stuff with me. That's a lot more that I could have ever hoped (because I'm used to men who are just grumpy if woman wants to talk these kind of stuff). Have I ever told how much I love this man?! And the thing is that I DO want to have his child. BUT NOT YET!
I know that if I'm pregnant our parents will be worried because I know they too want us to graduate first. But I also know that they won't abandon us if that happens and that they will support us. Whatever our decision is. I also know that a lot people will think us crazy. But I really don't care. I'm just concerned about our future and I too obey the Darwin´s laws. I just want to pass my genes on to next generation.
I also know that maybe I shouldn't think these stuff before everything is sure or worry before there is something to worry about. But I don't worry this that much that I couldn't sleep or that it would distract me all the time. This is just me thinking all kind of stuff and thinking what if.
I won't worry too much until Sunday. And that's two more days. And I have all kinds of stuff to do before that. And if I need to worry I know who to call and who to worry with.
But now that I've shared this with the internet I can do some other stuff. I just needed to think these stuff through a text.
I'm going to go to BiTa today. I'm not in the mood going there but I've already paid it and it has been fun earlier. I believe that I'm getting in the mood when I get to the bus and to the place. Luckily it's near Jyväskylä, so the journey to there won't be long.
I have a worry. My periods haven't started yet. Though my tummy is messed up today (as it always gets on the first day). And though they should've started only yesterday or the day before that. But they were so weird last month too. Only one day period and even that wasn't The Period. Not in details. I hope that my tummy knows these things again. If they don't begin this week (as they should since I eat pills) I'll have to go to YTHS to see a doctor.
I really don't know if I'm more worried about is there something wrong with me or am I pregnant? The latter would change all my plans (including the exchange) and that would piss me off because I've really done a big effort to arrange all my things. But if there's something wrong with me... One of my biggest fear has always been that I am not able to have a child. Though adoption is not an issue for me but still. And abortion. Nothing against to it too but I really don't believe it could be an option for me (though how could I know, I've never been in a situation where I should've had to consider it). And the reason for that is again that if in future I couldn't have a baby I would regret the abortion for the rest of my life. And when it comes to children my emotions are on surface and my baby would be the first thing to be thought of.
I believe that if it would be so that I got pregnant, I would be ready to be a mom. I'd have to. I wouldn't give my baby to anyone. Luckily I'm quite long in my studies, so that if I had baby, I could do some book exams on Fall and few courses on Spring. And then I'd go to USA. But then it might be working business, not studies. Or PhD studies there. So my Big Plans wouldn't change. They would only delay.
And about my love, Tarmo. As always I told him about my worries. It almost got me into tears (again). He's so wonderful! I really can't believe I've such a man. We didn't discuss much about the possibility of me being pregnant. And that's only because I'm too afraid to REALLY think about it. I afraid that it might be true. But back to Tarmo. When I told him what worries me, he didn't say much. He mentioned abortion and I said what I think. Then we did other casual stuff and when we got to bed we talked again. He took me in to his arms and conformed me. Then he said that if I'm pregnant, can I go to US? I said no, at least not for that long time I planned (if so, I might go there for a three months or something like that if that's possible). Nothing much else. But the way he talked to me said that he would accept the baby and wouldn't force me in abortion. At least I feel like that. I think also he doesn't want to think this thing.
Okay, I admit now that I've been thinking this a bit. But as I said, I'm too afraid to think it too much. And I'm too afraid to go to Pharmacist and buy a pregnancy test. At least today. I want to focus my thoughts to BiTa. And if my periods won't start by when I get back I think I have to go to Pharmacist. And then to doctor. But that's the furthest I dare to think this.
I can't deny that I haven't had a baby boom. My hormones tell me a lot of stuff about babies. But my brains say other stuff. And I believe my brains. That's one reason why I wanted our kitties. (One of the other reasons were that I've wanted for long some kind of animal). And I can't say that these darling kitties wouldn't have helped. I do want to have babies as young as possible but not sooner than it's necessary. And I've always thought that that would be then when I have a job and I get enough money to take care of the baby well. I don't say that one can't take care of the baby with a little less money but I'm just that much after money. And I've always thought that I'd finish my studies before getting pregnant. And that's what I want to do!
I believe that it doesn't hurt me to think these stuff even that I'm not pregnant. And I'm so lucky that I have this fiancee that supports me and thinks these stuff with me. That's a lot more that I could have ever hoped (because I'm used to men who are just grumpy if woman wants to talk these kind of stuff). Have I ever told how much I love this man?! And the thing is that I DO want to have his child. BUT NOT YET!
I know that if I'm pregnant our parents will be worried because I know they too want us to graduate first. But I also know that they won't abandon us if that happens and that they will support us. Whatever our decision is. I also know that a lot people will think us crazy. But I really don't care. I'm just concerned about our future and I too obey the Darwin´s laws. I just want to pass my genes on to next generation.
I also know that maybe I shouldn't think these stuff before everything is sure or worry before there is something to worry about. But I don't worry this that much that I couldn't sleep or that it would distract me all the time. This is just me thinking all kind of stuff and thinking what if.
I won't worry too much until Sunday. And that's two more days. And I have all kinds of stuff to do before that. And if I need to worry I know who to call and who to worry with.
But now that I've shared this with the internet I can do some other stuff. I just needed to think these stuff through a text.
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