Busy

Been busy though I did nothing, just NOTHING last weekend. An on saturday, I didn't even change my nighties! It was awesome! Can't remember when I had done that last time. Me and my mom jused to call those days as "pupelipäivä".
We haven't got our results for the last exam we had. She has been cheked them already but I'm too afraid to go and ask the results. I fear I might be disappointed.
Two weeks. Two weeks. And then all my exams for this year will be over. Can't wait!
My computer is falling apart. Not really but it keeps crashing if I play The Sims 2. And it hasn't done that before. And the guarantee went four days ago. I still emailed to the shop and asked if they still could do something for this.
I just noticed that it's really easy to write in english and think in english. Eeek! I try not to think the exhange thing. I saw a commercial abou a women who was flying to somewhere (a deodorant commercial) and every time I see that, I think about the Big Flight I might experience next year.
Our kitties are cuties. We should vaccinate them soon. I'll call to the vet tomorrow. But the 4D begins. There's something about a boy who beats his mom.

ps. I love Tarmo.

Abroad

I found my lab book. It was in the library, on the table that I hadn't used. But I'm happy I found it. 11 hours at the university again. But I started to read for next exam, did my portion of our representation for tomorrow, were in lab and cultured some cells. Our SH-SY5Y cells are getting old. They're too old to grow well anymore. We'll have to figure out something so that they would las few weeks.
I read Minnas blog and everytime I read it I want more and more to go abroad! She's now in Paris and will move to Dublin. Me wanna too! I already asked Tarmo if we could go to Dublin to see Minna. He just laughed at me.

But I have to go shower. Bah. I wan't abroad!

Interview

I've lost my lab book! It has just disappeared. Pof. Like that.
I wrote something to it yesterday, packed it to my bag and haven't seen it since. It's not at home and it's not there where I last used it. Mysterious. And kind of stupid. I have some really important information in it. I'll have to go tomorrow to ask from library if someone has seen it. If hasn't I have to put a message to our mailing list. Someone must have seen it! It can't understand it! It can't just disappear. CAN'T! Fustrating.

I had an exam on monday and I'll pass it. And today I had the interwiev for the exhange thing! And it went ok. I'll get the results in few weeks. I heard that they had already made preliminary choises and I was in it! That's why I had the interview. Nice! I also had a presentation today. It went ok too. But back to the interview. I had had a task to think what I would tell for an exhange student about my university. I had thought all kind of things but the interview was much shorter than I imagined! I hadn't the time to tell everything I had planned. And then they asked what would be my plan B if I didn't get to USA. And do I understand that the studying in USA is different from studying here. I just looked at them stunned and said yes. Isn't it kind of obvious that I have read thos things? And then they asked can I cope with the culture shock and homesickness. And it was it. It took about 10 minutes. And I saw them to fill some kind of evaluating form of me everythime I opened my mouth. But I couldn't see what they wrote in it! Argh! Hope I was good. Good enough to get to exhange. And if I get that far, I hope I'll get to Kansas! I asked them how long I have to wait and be anxious about this. Few weeks they said. Few weeks.

I had long day, 11 hours. I'm kind of tired now. I'll go and do something that doesen't require brains.

Fun saturday

Been busy. I have an exam tomorrow and I've read, though not very well. But I'll pass the test anyway. And on tuesday I'll have an interview for my exhange! I should tell them in english what I would tell about my university for an exhange student. I've sought some facts and then I'll say something nice, something what I think about my university. That isn't hard since I love my university. And I should do some kind of representation of what I've done with the SH-SY5Y cells. On tuesday we'll have quests from Tampere and they'll give some kind of representations too. But luckily mine doesn't have to be long, I don't have anything to say! I'll just put some pictures we got on friday with Reija about the cells and say something about it. Unfortunately we didn't get any "normal" pictures since our cells weren't stained. But I'll figure out something.

Yesterday we did the "Fab Five"-thing to J-P. We sought some clothes for him and did his hair and he really looked good. Hope he gets that too! We found a nice shirt for him (black with purple lines, H&M), a jacket and trousers from fleamarket. We teared the trousers so that they look rock! Muaha. And made some purple stripes for his hair. It took all day and after that we went to eat. We ate two hours and all were almost too sick! But it was fun. The whole day was.

Today I went to library on morning, read few hours, came home, cleaned and took a nap. Now I thought I'd do something for my interview and for that cell thing.

Lazy weekend

I didn't do half the things I was supposed to do. I wrote the essay for swedish (or read it through) and went through some grammar for it. I also tried to do a linetest but I didn't understand it, and was too lazy to find out more. I also started to find something for another essay but didn't have the energy or will to do anything more. Today I've just watched Tarmo playing. I also cleaned the toilet and washed the diches.
We ordered food from Banthai. We were supposed to go there today but it snowed and I didn't feel like going outside. So we ordered food home there and it was good! As always. And we saved few euros since it's cheaper to eat home. And the delivery was free too (since we ordered enough food). But now I feel better. I feel like I could read again. I'd have an exam tomorrow but I haven't even started to read for it. So I'll go to next exam. We should do a seminar next week for culturing course. And maybe start a bit for the swedish presentation too.
Mom promised they would buy me a new chair for christmaspresent. I already found one. 40€ in Sotka, half of the price. I should get it some day. But I need car for that and no-one of Tarmo's friends had a car this weekend. So maybe next week or weekend. Hopefully. They have red chairs there and I want it!
Kitties are sleeping again. Pollo came again to sleep on my lap. And Neko falled to toilet today! It was funny. We just heard a splash and Neko run away from toilet and her backlegs were all wet. We usually keep the lid down but now we had forgotten it open. Glad we were home and she got out on herself.
My thoughts have again been in USA. Or in exhanging. Few weeks and I get to know if I can go to Kansas! I would love to go there! They have so much interesting courses there and they aren't in medical school. I've been thinking the living there. And I fear already the flight to there! Not the flight it self but when I get to USA I fear that they think I'm some kind of terrorist and examine my stuff and I'll miss my another flight to Kansas or something. I fear that I'll be left alone somewhere. I know this is silly and I shouldn't think such things. But I can't help it! It'll go all right and I'll be fine and get to Kansas without big problems. I'm just so exited if I have to travell all alone for the first time abroad.
But it isn't this days worry. I'll panic when I have to do so. Muaha.

I did it!

I got through it! I got through it! I feel so much better now. Ah! And the sun shines again.

And I get new glasses in two weeks. I went to see new glasses and found nice ones and got even to the opticianist too. No wonder my head have been acing. My seeing has gone worse a lot. I used to be -1.75, now I'm -2,75! The glasses aren't that cheap that I planned they would be, but not too much either. I have afford them (just and just). "Only" 236€. And I bought a christmaspresents for my parents (not as good as I had wished I could buy, but I just don't have the money). Mom did say that I shouldn't buy anything, but how could I do that?! I love giving presents.
I bought them calendars and some stickers. I put for mom stickers for every week and more stickers for her birthday day. And for dad I put stickers for his birthday day. Childish, but it is supposed to be so. And I bought a birthday-christmas present for Tarmo too.
So, now I have spent all my money. Hope that I won't get any sudden expences. The kitties must be vaccinated, but I have the money for that. I'm glad that I don't have to pay everything for them, since theu are Tarmos kitties too.
I'd have an exam next monday but I decided that I won't go there. So I don't have to read for that this weekend. So I can do all the things that I would supposed (or had supposed) to do. Some little essays and tasks. So I can read next week.

I was subculturing the SH-SY5Y cells on my own today. And it went good. And we watched old cells with Reija and wondered were there myelin. I asked that from Tuula and she got excited becouse no-one knows that. So that could be examined too. And she asked would Reija be interested that too. And she is. So now we have a new member and I have a good "colleaque" whom I'll work with. Since now I have been working mainly on my own. And it's boring.

But today I'll do nothing. NOTHING. Period.

Bored and hungry

I woke too early. Tarmo has an exam so we had to wake up before seven. So now I have already got through what I was supposed to read on morning. And now I'm hungry. I'll make some food and go to university. Have to take some fruits with me. Otherwise I'll die for hunger before six. Long day, again.
I had odd feeling that I want baby. Not NOW but sometime. As young as possible. But before that I'd like to graduate. So not to worry. I won't get pregnant for few years. Muaha. I have now two little, black and hairy babies. And one of them tried to hunt my earring while it was on my ear! Luckily I had noticed that she had observed me for a while with That Eye. I had time to avoid the attack. Ha!
But I'm bored. I had the feeling this morning that my head will hurt again. So I thought I won't stress anything and do only little reading. And our culturing course starts at midday and after that I'll go to our lab. And after that I have a lecture. Oh why can't it be weekend already. Or christmas? I need vacation. But I have to read on christmas too, though I WON'T read on christmasholidays. Only when I'm here. And that's because I can't read at Tampere. There is no time and peace.

Head hurts

Oh my head hurts so bad. Can't remember when it has been this bad. And it's cold in here.
I went to get my answers of the failure-exam. The teachers had lost the molecular part of it. And of the cellular part, I got full points! They found my other paper just before my lections started. I had been misthinking. A lot of fool mistakes! And the teachers said I had assumed too much. I didn't explain enough. So I didn't get any points though I had something right. That sucks. But I have read all about the course, and even well. Hope that is enough.
I was differetieting the SH-SY5Y (now I can write it right) cells today. And tomorrow we'll look the cells with the patch clamp equipment. And on friday I'll subculture the cells on my own! And on monday I'll infect the cells with parvo viruses with Kirsi. Exiting! And next week I'll stain the cells and do some microscoping. Luckily Reija will come to help me a bit. I have to count the cells and see where the viruses have gone and take some pictures.
I got my bike yesterday and it's so much easier to drive now though the snow is melting away now. And it sucks to drive in this weather, I can't control the bike. It's kind of scary. But it would suck more to walk to university.
I stayed home today until midday. I read and made some food. Tomorrow I'll do the same. Kitties were crazy. It was fun to play with my pen while I was writing! I gave them a straw and they were happy.
But my head hurts so bad that I have to go to lie down and maybe to sleep. I was too tired this morning.

Birthday

Emmi, Kirsikka and Vanhanen came here to check our kitties. And I had bought some icecream for us and made some coffee and tea. They had no idea I had birthday today. Muaha. Good. And Jussi and his girlfriend woke too late today (surprise?) so they didn't come. It would have been so late that they would have been here. And at six we go to give Sami his birthdaypresent. a lot of deodorent. I mean A LOT. 50 or so. He always forgets his somewhere. And this group of people are known for their insane presents.
Neko sleeps on my shirt. Cutie. She's right next to me.
And I didn't clean yesterday. We did it this morning. And I read the cell biology part. Though not so well...

I'm not crazy anymore

Yesterday was a hard day. Both in physically and emotionally. The funerals were nice, if one can say so. I cried a lot. But now it is over and I feel better. I didn't have the time to go to the comemorial, since my brother, Hannu can't drive at dark. He hurted his eye last summer, and can drive, but doesn't see good at dark. And I found out on thursday that I have the exam netx thursday and I hadn't taken with me my notebooks. And since some of my friends may come to visit tomorrow and I have a lot to do next week, I don't have much time to read for the exam. So I thought it would be better if I would leave with my brothers to Tampere earlier, since my parents would be at Tampere earliest at seven. And the sun was already going down, so we had to leave when the funerals ended. And we got jammed at Tampere, but still I catched the train. I had five minutes!
But it made me sad that I didn't have the time to go to the comemorial. I heard there was a picture there, in which there was me, Olavi and Sanni (my cousin). Luckily they promised that I would get a copy of that picture. And the priest talked nice words about Olavi. He was a veteran and had been in important job in the war (as all soldiers). And he wounded there. I never heard him talking about it. Very few did. I cried on the way to Tampere. And slept most of the journey to Jyväskylä. The train was again half an hour late. I talket a bit with some boy who sat next to me. I was too ashamed to look him in the eyes, since mine were all red. I bet he thought I was shy or something. Muaha. Well, I am, but not that shy.
Tarmo came to the station and walked with me home. I hadn't eaten since morning and I wasn't hungry. Still Tarmo made something to eat for me. I slept well and we woke at seven though we got up at eight. Or I did. I was supposed to go to the library to read, but since it's halloween, I didn't. The library isn't open. Luckily Tarmo gave me his chair (my back gets hurted if I sit in my own since I can't adjust the height of it). And I read enough for this day and spotted some things I had misunderstood or hadn't understood well enough. I got through the molecular part of that course. Tomorrow I'll read the cell part. And the exam will go fine. I hope.

I'm not as stressed anymore. It was the funerals that made me crazy.

And Neko is sweetheart. She doesn't mind being stroked but today was the third time she slept on my lap. And she came there just to sleep. And she is so warm and cutie and feels good... And Pollo slept at my feet on the remoters. Our babies.

We should clean our house, but I'm not inspired. Maybe later. Or tomorrow. Before the quests come and before we go to Sami's birthday. Or we'll just give him his birthdaypresent or something. And I have to read a bit. Though not as much as today. Maybe it would be better if we cleaned today. But later. Still not inspired.

Tired thoughts

This is quite stressing.

Sira made my day today. She delivered a little present (chocolate popcorns) for me via a friend. I was totally surprised. I was so touched, that I almost developed a tear. And I've been teary all day and that pisses me off. There is now good reason for that. Next exam is next week (the one I didn't pass) and I have time to read for it. And it is no problem to do the another exam later.

I took my bike to be fixed. 100€. But it's not that bad, I bought new tires and all things will be changed for better. Riikka brought me a new glass shops address and I was supposed to visit there but I went to wrong direction and was too tired to return though I had time. And the train was late for half an hour. I couldn't do anything reasonable while travelling. Though I had planned to read a bit.

My appetite have been lost today and I haven't eaten much. I ate fish too much and now I don't feel so well. My head have been acing again. I'm just stressed about tomorrow. I've been down all day. But now I feel a bit better. I'm just tired. Very tired. Hope this will go away after the funeralf. I don't have afford to be tired now. Only couple months for "vacation". Though at christmas holidays I'll read for neurobiology.

We talked about how I feel with Tarmo last night. It made me feel better. He's so sweet. Supports me all the time. No wonder I love that man. My love.
I went to microscope SH5SHY (can't remember was that right) cells and they were nice. Jonna laughed at me when I said I like those kind of cells.

But my thoughts are messy and my head isn't clear. I'm too tired to think. I've got to sleep and get home soon.

I thought today that I'm lucky. I'm easy to get laugh. Though I'm sad, I still can laugh. And I don't even fake much of it. But it isn't so nice when I supposed to be mad. Muaha. Though I really am not mad often.

Fucking fuck

Fuck fuck fuck fuck!!!!
Again, I proved myself that I am stupid. Just stupid. An Idiot! Fuck!
So, I did not pass yesterdays exam. Though I thought it went ok. But obviously it didn't. And here's the problem. I could go to do the exam again on friday, but I'm in funerals! Fuck! So now I have to read all again, and better, becouse obviously I hadn't understood anything about the course. I thought I could've read next week on another exam, but now I don't have time since I have this another exam too. Fuck! And I should start to culture the cells on monday, but how can I do anything if I'm this stupid?! I thought the exam was easy! FUCK!
I'm so pissed of my self. So disappointed. I thought I had understood everything on the course and I thought I could handle the exam. But NO. NO NO NO NO.
And I can't read anything this weekend since there is this funeral and I'm so stressed about that that I can't read. Oh this is so stupid. STUPID.

I already cried this to Tarmo and I feel so stupid. This is so stupid thing to cry over. But I'm just so pissed off!!! Poor Kitties don't dare to come near to me. But I will get myself over this. I will read more. I will pass the course. I have to.

And I'm so ashaimed becouse all my friends passed the exam. And that makes me feeling even more stupid. And I don't trust in my self. Ah this just sucks!

I had some good things happening this day but I'm so pissed off, so I won't even tell them.

Love in the air

They're over. And hopefully I passed both. I believe I did. But I have failed so much in this fall, so I don't really rely on my self much.
Our reports are ready and I think they are ok too. So that course is over. Next one begun on monday (and another lecture course today). But no more new courses this semester. The hardest part is over. I hope.

Our kitties are little angels and devils. Last night Neko came purring in our bed and bit my ear. Though not hard. And after I put her down on the floor, she jumped back and bit my arm, many times. Pollo was sleeping on our feet, so Neko thought she could play with us. So the kitties went out of our bedroom and we closed the door. And they were fine. We thought we could do that now every night so that we can sleep and kitties can play. The first few nights the sought comfort from us but now they sleep somewhere else. And they are so cute when the come to say hello when we come home. And Pollo loved me a lot yesterday. He purred and purren and tossed me. Neko is not so much after attention.

I'll have long days now. Lectures on morning, some lab on day and lectures at the evening. Ten hours in the university a day. Luckily not all days are that long. I'll have to start to read tomorrow for next exam. On thursday I'll have to go to Tampere. On friday is Olavis funeral. I'll come back on saturday. Emmi and maybe her boyfriend will come to look our kitties. maybe even Jussi comes. He slept over today and didn't left to Jyväskylä at all. But it's okay, since I had long day anyway.

Kitties are rampaging again. Well, then they sleep at night. Our little babies.

Cuties again

Our little angels. They have terrorised only one flower. One of them found it nice to jump on the climbingtree to the flowers and it (well both of them) fell. We moved the flowers to the bookshelf. Yesterday they were quite tired and slept most of the day. Today they have been wild. Played several hours in the morning, slept few hours and now they are playing again. We woke them up so they would sleep at night too.
This time they didn't sleep with us (like in the first night) but the come to sleep at day with us. They keep quite a lot noise. Kurrr, purr and meow. When you stroke them, they are happy. I tried to read at the morning but Neko came on my book and purred. Cutie!
They have been attacking on everything that moves today. They also watched nature program with me. Our cute little mosters. Me likes!

I have an exam tomorrow. And day after that. But I won't read anything today anymore. And Jussi might come and see our babies on tuesday. And Ilja and his friend came yesterday evening to see them. We're popular now! Muah!

I'm in love

Oh they are wonderful! Besides that they are cute, they are easy to handle! We gave them their first worm medicine and it was so easy. Tarmo just hold the kitten and I gave the medicine. And I tried first to give only dry food but they just tried to cover it (by pawing the air). So I gave wet food (which I knew they had eaten before) and the ate it with good appetite. They have played with each other, slept a bit and played again. Oh I just love them!
I will teach them to eat the dry food also, but all in time. I'm just so happy and surprised how fast they were like in home. Neko is a bit more shy than Pollo. Pollo doesn't run away when we take it in arms but Neko won't give you to take in arms right away when you have released her. But she doesn't want emediately away either. Oh my little babies <3

Kitties came home

Our kittens came home! Pollo is the boy and Neko is the girl. Pollo is more active than Neko, but that how it usually goes with boys and girls.

They are so cute. They are friendly and active. They aren't afraid of us. CUTIES!

Tired veins

I'm kind of tired. I planned to go to gym today, but now I feel tired. I've been listening my veins today and it feels like there really is something a bit wrong. They feel heavy. My heart beats a bit too fast and I don't catch my breath as fast as usually. Maybe I really should rest and relax. I have already read everything for today. So I'll just watch tv or something the rest evening. We bought (or Tarmo bought) Friends' sixth season. Oh that sounds good. Friends, candles, blanket, tea and cookies. Oh! Heck with the fittness! Muaha!
But I forgot to get my recipie. Damn. I'll have to get it tomorrow. And I have swedish again tomorrow. We had this reading task. I've already looked it and read it throuhg, but I thought if I should look it better. Well maybe not today. I'll concentrate for that course later. First I get these two exams over. Yes. That I will do.
Mom called. She had bought me a dress and a jacket for the funeral (though they are so casual, I can wear them anywhere). Her description sounded good. And (fortunately!) they weren't expensive. I had forgotten that my birthday (!!!) is the same weekend as the funerals are. (So ofcourse I won't celebrate it.) But she said this is my birthday present. Unfortunately she has to buy a suit for my brother too. He doesn't have anything to wear for this kind of situations. And he doesn't have the money. Hope my other brother has. I think he has. He has to have. Luckily dad has and mom is making her's, or borrows from a friend if time runs out.
My aunt is coming in Finland on saturday. She's a week in here. That's good. Now mom and she can support each other. I'll go to Tampere next week, on thursday.
But we get our kittens soon! KITTENS! Yeah!

But the blanket and tv is waiting for me. Maybe Tarmo could get me some tea and watch Friends with me.

Better day

Today has been better day. My swedish course begun and it doesn't feel as bad as it did last year. Though it lasted for four hours per day, and no, I did not failed the course then, it just was cancelled. And I have few friends there too and we will make together our presentation. And we can substitute lectures by going to some other group. Because the cell culturing will go three times at same time as the swedish.
And I got the handouts for the cell culture course today, I read a bit (though I have to read more) and went on two seminars. And I talked with Tuula, and we should culture neurocells next month. And take some pictures of them and differentiate them and infect with virus and culture them for ourselve too. All the others we maybe do for others. And Tuula brought me a brain calendar and a mouse mattress where I can find all the common aminoacids and their structures! It's wonderful! I feel like being pro. Muaha!
And Nina had answered for my mail, we will get the kittens on friday noon. Aah, can't wait! But now I will go to read the exam area to the end so I can start reading the next course tomorrow. Or maybe I relax just a bit and read then. I'll do that.

***
I can't write, had to correct my mistakes for three times.

Monday, definietly monday

Monday is not my day. I read in the morning and got to university at noon. I had planned to go to buy the cell culturing courses handouts but their bank card device was broken. So I went to print another courses handouts to our adp-center but the computer said it doesn't have a printer installed. So I changed computer and fought with some handouts, becouse there was some kind of error. Next I went to seminar where I got a headace. I tried to see the slides but since my glasses aren't anymore the right ones for me (since I don't have the money to buy new ones), I couldn's see. So my head aces. Even still. Then I went with Tarmo to buy the handouts I tried to buy at the noon, but their device was still broken. And we had to wait the sells person for 20 minutes since she was on lunch.
But it's okay, I can buy it tomorrow. Next we went to center to take Tarmos shoes to the shoemaker and after that to the pharmacist to buy my pills. But my recepie had been expired and I hadn't noticed it. So I went to the nurse. There we waited for 20 minutes again. I get my recepie next wednesday but I have to go again there after two weeks since my bloodpressure was too high. Stress. Stress. Stress.
I'm sure it won't go nown in two weeks so I'm sure to have to meet the doctor and get some kind of medicine, and I don't have the money to buy it! God this sucks.

But I read the pre exam material today. As it says, it should have been read for the pre exam, but I didn't have the time. Tomorrow I have to read the handouts and the works we've made. And after that I have to rehearse another course and on weekend both of them.

But the kittens come on friday. I try to be positive. I read what I planned to read this day. My head aces and I'm tired and kind of teary, so I think I won't go to gym today.

Never, ever again thim much work and stress! Ever!

Grief and stress

We watched X-men2 and slept. I couldn't read. There's just more to next week.
The funerals are third day, on friday. I'd have an exam and lab that day. But now I have to do the exam on tuesday (I have another exam on monday) and do something else for that lab. I feel I have to go to the funerals. Olavi was quite close to me.
I have to be strong for my mom. She has to tell everyone else. I don't cry on phone to her, I feel like loading a bit too much of her. I'm so happy to have Tarmo. He hugs and gives me comfort.
I had thought to take next week a bit relaxed. I wouldn't read on weekend when the kittens come. But it doesn't always go like you plan. Fortunately I don't have so much things to do next week and we wrote most of the reports on saturday.
I think I can handle the exams. It has always been my way to grief. Reading. Hope something catches to my mind too.

By the way. I thought to try to write in english this blog. To develop my writing skills. Maybe.

I'm kind of tired though I slept well at night and few hours at evening. My dad griefs by sleeping. Maybe I do that too.
I wish Tarmo comes soon from sauna. I feel I'd need a hug now.
I think I'll be better tomorrow. It always helps to sleep a night over.