Stress

I fucking messed up with my cells. Damned!

Well not really badly but still it pisses me off. Yesterday was a good day. I did a lot at lab an read a bit. But at night about 4.30 am I suddenly wake up eyes wide open - shit! I forgot to put cells in multiwells! What will I do now? I can't do any staining!!! I was up two hours and it took all that time to realize that it's really not that bad mistake. But I kept swearing how stupid I am and how can I forget such a thing. I finally fell asleep but woke really tired. And still pissed. I send Tuula a message where I said that there will be no cell dyeing this or next week. I also said that maybe it's good. If I can't remember a simple thing and concentrate enough to seed my cells at all needed plates, maybe it's not good to do hundred different experiments at the same time. She agreed.
And besides I still have four weeks time, and in that time I can still do the experiments three times. So no big harm. I still have a lot work to do, 100 plates to shoot and count. And in these plates I'll have four different cells and eight different treatments. So I believe that's enough for one week. And I still have one extra week if I need one, though then I won't have any free time... So I hope I can do all my experiments in a month.

And now next week isn't so stressful for me. On Tuesday I need to go to Helsinki for my visa interview and on Saturday we need to go to Tampere (grandmothers funerals). And on both of these days I'd have work to do and it would've been Reija who had done them. And now she doesn't need to stain the cells (and I would've wanted to do those because my cells don't play with me and the colors I use). So now she only needs to take pics and count the cells on Tuesday and on Saturday I need to come to work after the funerals, I need to shoot some pics, count the cells and do some apoptosis tests... Sigh.
And I would like just to be at home and do my work but I fucking have to travel around Finland. Maybe it's good to leave this environment just for a couple of hours, I don't know why I stress so much in here. Maybe it's because I would like to hang around home and be with Tarmo and cats as much as I can before I leave, because I start to realize that I'll be gone for half a year and because my experiments don't go well. I'd like to get all results before I leave and get some kind of conception what I've done and why.

These times I just hope I could do a meaningless job, where I could just do my work and wouldn't need to think anything. But I've done that job for six months in my life and I got bored! It's not for me. I love research. It's my dream job. I try to enjoy it. It's just that I'd need to get all results so soon. Luckily I was clever enough when I scheduled my masters thesis, I said I'd be ready only next spring. And it will.

I'll go home now to sleep with cats.

I Love My Man!

Oh I just love my man!!!

I am home alone and listen music from his computer and suddenly one sad song (Tori Amos - Bonny and Clyde) stops and there comes my song!!! (Seminaarimäen mieslaulajat - Taina)

He did some mystic things at the university and took the winamp under his control (windows remote desktop he says) and ahhh. Tears came into my eyes, I was so touched.

Sigh. I just love that man.

Midsummer

It was fun. We left on Thursday at 9 am, went to pizza, bought some groceries and at 2 pm we were there. We sang a bit before all the others arrived, then we ate and jumped with a rope! It was so fun that we had to buy another one too. And our legs got really sore but it didn't bother us at all. We ate too much and more. Four days went too fast and I could've been there few days more though it was nice to return home. And the whole time everyone were nice, we needed only one comment on someones behavior but after that it was quite nice. Weather could've been a bit warmer and sunnier but it was ok. We were quite a lot outside and the mosquitoes were a nuisance. But all in all the trip was really nice. I relaxed and didn't think work at all. Here's some pics:

Jump baby jump!

Still jumping.

I also tested my camera under water.

Some nice scenery at night.

Bonfire.

And still jumping.


I needed to test this video thing. J-P greets the others and some jumping.

I was really confused today. I was going to do wrong works and didn't remember what I should have been doing. But I did all things that I could do, I was supposed to take some photos but the computer said I didn't have enough space and I couldn't take any pics. I'll try again on Thursday. Tomorrow I'll stay home and edit some pics and try to write something.

Dyeing and Midsummer

We'll go to Tarmos parents cottage next weekend to celebrate Midsummer. There will be 10 people. Kitties will go to Tarmos mom. Can't wait!

I shot some pics of this family and they'll pay me for that! I still should do some work for them but I haven't got the time. I already worked with my cell pics several hours today. I did some dyeing and got some dim results. I'll use stronger concentrations tomorrow.

SH-SY5Y

This pic isn't informative but pretty. I had to learn all by my self how to make these pics from BW pics. It took few hours too last night. But now I know how to do it!

My day rhythm is funny. I've always been able to wake early but now I'm up until midnight and all tired at morning (I still wake up every day at 7 am). But I'll fix that starting next week. I'll try to invert my day schedule as much as I can. Then it'll be easier to go to US and (I hope) then the jet lag won't be that terrible. Eight hours backwards. I'd be happy to make even few hours change.

But we'll go to BBQ and chat about next weekend at our back yard.

She slept away today.

100th Post

Miracle!

Oh this just can't be true!!!
Grandmom will survive. They were injecting contrast matter in her and the blockage opened!!! Mom said she's live and kicking. Muaha. My super grandmother!

But now the issue is where she'll stay. She can't live alone anymore without constant supervision. I think she'll be hospitalized and that would be good. She's still weak but won't die in a days.

I can't do nothing but laugh. If someone survives from intestinal blockage, thats grand mom. It almost killed my mom and she was young and healthy then!

I just can't believe this. Unbelievable.

Now I'm in a good mood again.

And my apoptosis test worked well! NOW the dying went well and we got perfect pics. If only I just hadn't messed up with the concentrations, they would be perfect. Though I'll do them anyway again, the nanotubes will be needed to solve in some solvent we haven't figured out yet. And I played with my cells today in a such a way that I don't need to wake up at 4am next week when we need to leave at 9am to party midsummer into Tarmo's cottage.

And I went through my closets today because we'll reserve a table from a flea market to sell our stuff. I marked these words into my brain "Lose everything you can't remember when you have worn them last time, you'll get new ones from US". Muaha.

Super!

Grandmother

Grandmom is dying.

She got hospitalized last weekend because hes intestine got blocked up. She has the hospital bacteria so there will be no surgery. And even if there would be, she wouldn't survive. She's after all almost 100 years old (97 if I remember correctly). Mom says she won't last longer than three days.

I'm sad. Yet I feel that there will be better place for her. She got bitterer and nastier every year (she lived through war and her husband chased her with a knife around their house, so I don't wonder her moods) and she can't see or hear very well anymore. Not to mention the hallucinations she got. She didn't recognize her kids or other relatives and saw maggots in her ceiling and dead man in the backyard (and rats in the closet).

We thought that she had died already last time she had pneumonia but she survived from that. I cried a lot so I guess that's why I don't cry now. At least now. And I can't understand this yet.

Friend Gone

Many things done.

Flights are now (finally) in order, Tarmo will come to US via Amsterdam and stay one night there. He'll be at Tennessee at 20:30 if I remember correctly. When it's time, I'll try to book my flight to Tennessee about that time too. So we'll go to our hotel (or whatever) same time.

Which reminds me that I should start to look some houses/rooms that are rent. We'll rent a room for us because it will be more convenient that way to us and won't cost too much (I hope). If I just find some room that will be near the university, we don't have a car to use there. But we'll figure out something.

My visa should be ok too, I filled some forms (and it was a hell). I spent two hours filling the forms and trying to call to our international services office to ask some questions about the form. But there were no one who could help me. The officer said I should try later, so I went to eat and tried again. She said they have some meeting and after that there should be someone. So finally I got answers to my questions and filled the forms completely. After that firefox jammed. My other form wouldn't print out and acrobat reader jammed too. So I restarted it and filled the forms again. And same thing again. I was so nervous and mad! Tarmo came to rescue me while I was filling my forms for the second time and after I lost it. We tried to fill the forms via explorer but still I had problems to proceed with the other form (I did get the other form out though). I had to go to walk a bit to calm my self down and Tarmo tried to fix the computer. Finally at 3pm I got all the forms (and I started to fill them after 9am) and paid all fees and reserved an interview.
But I was so tired! I was supposed to do some apoptosis tests but I couldn't do that so I reserved the laminar for this day. I slept a bit and Tarmo bought us some candy. Have I ever told how cute he is! If he hadn't come there and helped me, I would have never finished the forms and would have ended up to some mental institution. Muaha! But really, I mean it. After I typed my information to the forms for the fourth time he checked that they all went right. I was so tired.

I don't understand it. Why did I get so tired about that? Maybe it was so stressful and I should have done some other things too that day. And it's not that the form was hard to fill, it's the computers. They seem always (well quite often) fail me when it's something I must do just that moment and I can't do home. This time I needed the printer and had to fill the forms at university for that reason. If I had been home, I'd have thrown the PC out of the window.

But, flights are in order and visa is almost in order. I'll have the interview next month.

I have some bad news too. Saana left. Snif.
She came to Jyväskylä to finish her courses and spent one night at our place. We went to terrace and to picnic. Next day we went to university to finish up things (that was the day I was fighting with the visa thing). We went eating and quite soon from there she left to her train back home. I knew all day that she'd go but when she was leaving, it happened so quickly. I hardly had time to say goodbye. Which is good, I would have cried. I almost did when she left but then I had to call about the visa.
Tarmo conformed me when I said I was sad. He said "You'll have skype and we can go and visit her". She will study at Ireland and we thought we could go there next summer for a vacation. She agreed. Nice!
But I miss her already! She is one of my best friends and even though we are quite different (and then again, we aren't), so I'm not surprised about my sorrow. I'm happy for her, I know she really wanted to go to study all those whale things (muaha) and she didn't like to be in Finland. And now I have one place to go to vacation for a reason! And it's always nice to have friends all over the world. I know we'll stay in touch. She's too valuable to lose.
But now I get all emotional, I better stop this issue here.

So, I went to do some apoptosis test today. The weather was (and is still) so good that I thought we should go out to do something with Tarmo. So we went to grill and ate in our backyard and after that rested for some time laying in the sun. But I'm so sensitive to sun so we couldn't be there too long. But we were there long enough to get my hands all red (though not burned, luckily). After that I reorganized my exchange papers and made do-list. Not much to do anymore. Some little details (including sending some of my stuff to US and getting the damned visa).
I realized I'll be in Finland only for two months anymore. I'll be leaving so soon! I know that this time will go fast, I'll be doing my masters thesis work intensively, I'll need to go to Tampere for that too and arrange leaving party one weekend (next month) and go to Tampere one weekend to see all my friend there too. And I really don't know how I can arrange all this time, I'm going to do all kinds of tests to my cells almost every day! Not to mention all the reading and writing I should do.
But no panic. This is why I scheduled my work to be done ready next Spring. I will not do it badly.

Oh it's so hot! I can't concentrate. I'll go and do something not related to thinking.

ps. Vepa dyed my hair and I love my new red hair!!! She put some stripes on it too, but I don't have any pics about it yet. But here's one pic of me and Saana.

Saana and me

ps. my arm looks like some animals leg. Muaha!

Fuck Kilroy!

MOAN MOAN MOAN!

Fucking Kilroy. They say that they'll cancel our flights if there is no flights for Tarmo. And Blue1 haven't announced their flights yet to Dublin and all the other flights to US will include at least three stops (now two) which wouldn't be nice at all. So if we don't book flights for Tarmo like by tomorrow, they'll cancel the flights and charge us 35€ per ticket!!!!!!!!

Fuck them! We've booked flights in USA and form New York to Dublin without problems and now there's suddenly a problem!

I'm so pissed!

We just need to wait and hope that Kilroy provides us some flights by tomorrow. Argh!

Of course I'll look some alternatives too but this is still unfair that we have to pay almost 100 euros for nothing!!!

Still Bad Flights

Still not right.

I can't book our flights because Tarmo doesn't still have his flights to USA. So we should book the first. But because I don't know which day my last exam is and when I'll go to Tennessee, we haven't booked flights for him. But now we should do so.

Now, that's not a big problem. I'll leave Iowa the last day when I can and that's 21st December. Tarmo will come to USA on the same day. No problem. I tried to look as simple flights for him as possible (and that is three flights max). And found flights from Dublin to New York and from there to Tennessee. But no flights from Finland to Dublin!!! I know Blue1 flies there but it doesn't show any flights yet. And there is no other direct and cheap flights to Dublin.

Not nice at all!

Since we don't know if Tarmo is able to go to Dublin on the same morning (staying night there is too expensive) we can't book the other flights either.

I still send an e-mail to Kilroy and asked if they could see some direct and cheap flights to Dublin and gave them the other flights too that I found for him. So I just wait an e-mail from them and hope that we could have the flights I already paid!!!

Annoying.

By the way, I did set up new blog for my exchange, I found this travelers blog where there is a map which shows all the palaces I visit. Quite handy and nice! I'll announce this new blog when it is time. Still two months to go.

And it's hot here and I played with my cells today, three hours on the lab! That must me my record. Usually it takes maximum two hours. And if Reija wouldn't have come it would have been four hours. But I did a lot today. Ampulled and stuff.

And now I have some weird phase. Usually I haven't been able to read efficiently at home but now I can't read at the university. Library is too short time open and the main library is boring (I don't like it) and at university there is too many people to chat with. I can't read there anymore! So I want to come home to read. And because of that we came home early (well, not so early, we still spent 6 hours at university) yesterday and today.

But now, the reading. I just had to write my aggressions about the flights so that I could concentrate on reading. Muaha!

Bad Flights

Luckily I noticed this!!! One of our flight wasn't booked!!! I wondered why there hadn't come a payment for it but it turned out that there is no flight!

This was all my fault because I thought Kilroys flexible flight would be such a kind that you could pay it later since I didn't get any bill. But it wasn't so and so we didn't have any flights to come home on January! But luckily I had already looked good flights and they changed only a bit. Still going through Copenhagen when we come home from USA (and Dublin). Only the change between the flights in Copenhagen is two hours longer. There was no earlier flight (which I had thought I had booked). But that's not a big deal.

But NOW I've payed them and they should be ok. And I also found out that I can't order ISIC card because it'd be only for this year and I need it next year! But that fixed with IYTC card. Complicated. It's 5 euros more expensive than ISIC but it'll be valid for a year. So those things should now be in order.

For the exchange I still should go to see a doctor to get my pills recipe and vaccination and other stuff in english. And visa. But for that I need some paper from ISEP which I still haven't got. And print out my official records. And reserve hotel for the first weekend since I can't go to Burge Hall's temporary accommodation until Monday (if there's space). And reserve a shuttle bus to Iowa too from the airport. And I should call!!! I hate calling! It's so expensive!
And mail my stuff to Iowa because I can't take it with me. And go to bank to get money and checks. And some documents from my insurance company.

And that should be it. At least I think so.

We should have played today but one of our friends didn't show up and we would have needed him. And I could've been in a bar talking about our fight with ecologists (not a real fight really). I was there an hour before I had to leave to play. But now I could reserve our flights and plan tomorrows cell things. And go sleep early. It's hot and I'm sleepy. I think I should start a new blog for my exchange period. I'll just find some nice one.

I've started to think the exchange again. And I'm excited.

Relaxing weekend at countryside

Last weekend was great!

Tarmo's mom was here and we gave kitties with her when she left home and went on Thursday to Savonranta. We visited Tarmo's grandparents and went to his cottage. And it was so relaxing! We slept 12 hours, went to sauna and I even jumped into (really cold) lake! We cooked and read books. Next day we went back to Savonranta and came home today. Weather was nice! And kitties enjoyed the countryside too. At least I hope so. Muaha!

The cottage

Lake scenery

We wondered how the kitties let us sleep in peace and this was why. They had found Tarmo's moms threads. It was so nice to roll them back. And of course kitties wanted to help with cleaning!

And I fell in love with Tarmo's moms new kitchen. I love the colors and that thing in the middle! I'm too tired to even think its Finnish name. The bus was hot and noisy and the kitties kept beeping almost all the way home. Or Neko beeped. She was so upset, poor thing. It was too hot to travel for them. But now it's nice to be back home.

And Pollo ate a bee. But luckily it didn't sting him.

And I rally should start to work beginning next week. And I will. I really needed this weekend. Now I'm not so tired of doing all things.

And I realized one thing a while ago. On Spring, when my menstruation wasn't right, I slept all the time. So maybe it was some kind of burn out or a big stress. Though I didn't realize it.

I had funny dream last night. I met (IRL) this girl from Germany who is also coming to Iowa next Fall (I've seen her photo once) and she was with me at Iowa (in the dream now). Iowa was in Helsinki and Tarmo was there too though only one day. I was surprised because I didn't have to share my room with someone else but had my own room. There was a bed and some chair but our desks were at living room (and they were way too small). We lived next to a monastery where we could rent a bike and there was a library too.

The monastery came to my dream because we went to Valamo's monastery on Saturday. It was a beautiful place but there wasn't anything more. But it was nice to sit in the car while Tarmo drove. I've always enjoyed traveling in a car. And traveling as it self.


But I'm too tired to write anything more. Not that much anything else had happened. Muaha!