Feeling Better

Phew, I just had a nice migraine. My fingers went numb, as went my tongue and throat. Then the headache hit and even painkiller wouldn't help. I tried to do some editing with my photos but I couldn't stare the screen for long. Finally I went to sleep, slept almost and hour and now it's better. But my motivation is too low. I'd just want to relax. But that'll be soon.

During the weekend I read Harry Potter and the Deadly Hallows! On Friday we left to Tampere and I bought the book on our way there. On Saturday we went to this nice bar and some of my friends came there (though some of them didn't and I feel sad because of that though I know the must've had something else to do). But I had fun. And after all it's only half a year I'm away. We don't see each other anyway often.

But here's some pics from the evening.

Me and Ilona at her place (which was beautiful)

Tarmo and me (always so peaceful)

And I love this pic, Tarmo and me again. Quite drunk already.

We has so much fun that night. We went to sleet at Ilona's and slept well. My parents couch wasn't so comfortable and we slept that night badly the other night at Tampere. On Sunday we came back home. We had a friend who looked after the kitties, they were good, not a problem at all. So it's not that big thing to leave them alone over a weekend if someone just comes and sees them twice a day. Though I don't prefer that solution but sometimes there's no other way.

I'd need to edit about 1500 pics for Wednesday. My cell pics I mean. I'll just need to sit by my laptop the whole day tomorrow. I still have post migraine feeling.

But so, I read Harry Potter. No worries, I'm not going to spoil. It was nice reading. I sat my nose buried in that book all the time I could. Though I had to get it finished during the weekend so that I'd had time to edit my pics.

Ilona's place was beautiful. She lives in this old house and though it was a small place it looked so like her. Neat, white and brown, nice green couch, elegant. Now I want a sofa in here too really badly! But we don't have enough money to buy one now. So it'll have to wait. I dream of buying new sofa, bookshelf and some other objects. But maybe only after I get some money from somewhere (meaning salary).

It's not even two weeks and I'm gone! Awful! I still need to get the pics out of my to dos before I can start to think the exchange more. I need to go to bank and call a transportation for Iowa, the almost all should be in order. I also should clean out house throughly before I leave.

But now back to the pics. I still have much to do with them tonight. Luckily my day rhythm has changed, I stay up 3 am and wake up 11 am. Good.

I still need to say that I felt so much better last Friday when I put all my cells away. No more lab!

My Past

Muaha, I just found my old old blog I wrote when I had just moved in Jyväskylä. Oh god I was such a partygirl! Almost every weekend at bar. How could I afford that??? Well, I had been working last summer so maybe I had money. And I was lonely. I see it only now. I'm so much happier and more balanced than ever.

And my stress is beginning to ease. Though I'm now sick, luckily I had only two really bad days (fever and still 9 hours at the lab). I'm better now, still coughing and my throat is sore. Still one week to go with the work, not so long hours which is more that good. I'll survive as I said. And I'm happy that I did this much work.

I heard that the last Harry Potter has been published! I thought it'd come out tomorrow. I try to get it as soon as possible. Maybe I could read it next week. Or the week after that.

Tarmos mom and her husband will come here tonight. And my parents visited yesterday. and next weekend we'll go to Tampere.

I'm still thinking my earlier blog. My life was only reading, bar and tv. Well not only, I had friends but I realize now that I still was lonely. But what else could I feel? I'd just ended my long relationship, had moved to a new city ans started whole new life. But I must say, I did enjoy my single life, at least most of it. I do feel better now with Tarmo but I needed that time. And I'm glad that I experienced that all. My biggest fear was that I'd turn up cold but I didn't. It was fun to read my thoughts two years ago and to notice how much I've changed. I am adult now and I've developed much emotionally. And I feel more secure now. I don't stress up so much of exams (though I should) and I've calmed down. But isn't that what happens when one gets in a relationship? Though I'm much poorer now so I can't afford to go to bars every weekend.

But enough of my past life. Lets think my future.
I chatted with Saana last night and I realized that I'm starting to think the excange more and more. Now I have the time to think about it. I start to be nervous about the flights (well I'm not nervous now but every time I think of them, I get nervous). How do I find all the desks? I've been traveling so little especially by plain, so I fear airports a bit. Though I know I'll manage, I can speak and I'm not afraid to ask someones help if I need it. And luckily I'm women so people are more friendly towards me. At least I believe so. I'll just look innocent and frightened so that they'll just feel sorry for me and help me. Muaha!

I'll try to wake up at 11 am beginning next week. Then I've turned my dayschedule four hours. And the last week I'll try to wake up at 12 am. I believe that's the point I just can't sleep later.

This text is beginning to be just a stream of consciousness so I'll stop writing now. In a hour there will be this movie I'll watch. Hope the next week goes fast! I want to stay home!

I'm Cracking Up

Oh I'm so tired.

I don't know why but Tuula has some kind of stressing influence on me. Every time I talk to her I just get more and more stressed. She doesn't seem to get it that I really have enough work to do. She has said herself that she hasn't been in the lab for a years and I believe she has forgotten that even a little things take time.

I made these tests for her and she forgot to mention some important things about them and it took several hours to figure them out and because of that I couldn't take pics of my own cell things and because of that I now have too many object glasses to shoot. And it stresses me more. I should shoot them in order to get some results and I need the results now to know what to do next.

And I think she got angry with me today. I was in a hell of a hurry and she'd already messaged me and I hadn't had the time to read all the messages and then she calls, the phone is right beside me and there is other person at the lab too so I answer and say quickly that I don't have time to talk now, call later, bye. Then I get a message: I'm not calling. WHAT THE HELL??? Then don't. I don't care. Well I do and I get sad if someone is mean to me. Because I could tell that she got offended or something and got angry. Well I am sorry but I was in a hurry and I couldn't speak!!! It pissed me off so much that if I had been alone I would've cried.
I know that she just tried to help me because I just had said her that I'm missing some dyes. But she was supposed to be at the university today and she didn't come (we should've had a meeting) and she asked if I'd need her and I answered that not necessarily (I didn't want her to come just for me cause I know she'd want to be home). Argh! Then I messaged her back few hours later (when I had time to write her) and said some things where she usually replies but now nothing. So I know that she's insulted. And so am I! But I'm just me and I won't say anything. But I know that if she says something tomorrow, I'll have to leave her room cause I'm so stressed that I'll get tears in my eye just for nothing. And this stresses me even more!

Luckily Reija helps me. If there wasn't her, I'd die. But I don't want to bother her too much. Just now I hang on because I know in a week I don't have to go to the university every fucking day. Then I just need to think what I've done and why and make some pics and charts... But then I can be at home.

I don't know why I'm starting to get a burn out (again) now... I'm so close finishing my tests and I do have all the material (in the form of experiments) I need for my thesis, I don't need to write it now and if I need to, I can do some extra experiments later. So why am I cracking up now?? Everything is perfect at home so it's not that either. Everything is fine with friends too. Why??? I feel like I'm so weak that I can't handle the pressure. And I'm getting a flu. I'm sure the first day I stay at home, I get a fever and I can't do anything.

I've been updating the official lab book too, I'm only a week behind (and that is 20 pages). I'll try to get it on date today. Then I should use my evenings after lab to do all the charts ready (not a big thing really) and retouch hundreds of pics (a big thing really). And all this before August. I plan to do NOTHING RELATED TO WORK on August. I need a vacation and I'm going to take it too. Muaha!

Still two weeks... I'll manage. I have to. I will.

Visa, Funeral and Party

I got my visa today! So another big thing under control.

I've been checking so many times for how long I really can be in the States. And I finally found a page where it is said clearly enough so that I don't worry anymore. It's just that in every place it says that one can stay in the US as long as is said in the visa. And it's 31 Dec in my case! I remember clearly that I've read many times that it's that time plus 30 days. But all I could find from the embassy's pages was that how much earlier I can enter US! But now I used half an hour to really find it. And here it is:

The initial admission of an exchange visitor, spouse and children may not exceed the period specified on Form DS-2019, plus a period of 30 days for the purpose of travel. The 30-day grace or travel status period is intended to be a period following the end of the exchange visitor’s program and is to be used for domestic travel and/or to prepare for and depart from the U.S., and for no other purpose.

From here.

So, now I stop worrying about that. It says so in my blog and I'm always right, right? (Please Kirsikka, leave a comment). Muaha!

And the funeral is over too. It's funny that before the funeral I cried once when I heard that grandmom had died (if the one time isn't counted, I cried when I thought she'd going to die last Fall), and once at the funeral (well almost all the time at the chapel). Then I felt relieved. It was over. The ceremony as it self was boring. There weren't any Karelian pasties!!!! Who cares if they had been bought from some shop??? Grandmom ALWAYS made them! Bah. And all the relatives from that side are lunatic. Well, almost all. Most of them.
One of her children is the craziest. She was there AND wrote an address where was something like this "Mom, sorry mom, you were important blaa blaa". Oh, so strange! They were always fighting (mom says there's gotta be something at the background, no-one can be that angry with ones mom!) and now she was so regretting and all. And everyone could see it's only a fake show. She's just so weird. She is! Her kids couldn't come there because they are having some fight (that has lasted as long as I can remember)... I just can't understand. I hope I don't have to invite them to any parties! I do hope so though if I'm going to have any party (meaning wedding or something, which means that at least SHE should have died.. she's over 70... mean but still...) I need to invite them. I'm not going to participate in their fights, as long as they don't fight in my party!

I'd post a pic of grandmoms coffin but I don't consider it acceptable. So I won't.

After the funeral we got back home and I left almost immediately back at lab, did some cell things and got back home. After that we went to Emmi's and Elina's birthday party. I had booze from the midsummers and took it with me. And drank it all. Plus the punch. Though not all of it. Muaha. Then I felt like partying and went to Karma where the sock sweat and urine smelled (not nice) and the floor was all sticky. But we spent some hours there, and I even danced! And drank three ciders. And water. After that we went to get some pizza and walked home with Kirsikka. I had a really good night and after being a bit quiet at the sisters place (Elinas actually) I felt nice. We spoke english at the pizza place and it was fun. I have no idea what time it was when I got to bed, my watch is at clockmaker. Next day I woke up at 9 am and couldn't sleep because I knew my parents would be here in a few hours (they were going to my aunts cottage, it's about an hour and a half drive from here). We had time to clean the house (the usual Sunday cleaning) and to recover a bit. I had a slight hangover. But not too bad. Now I can be sober for a month. Well, three weeks. Then I'm going to Tampere to celebrate my leaving with some friends and after that the next weekend I'm going to celebrate it again in here.

Oh, I just realized that I'm going to leave in a month! It can't be so soon...

And my cells... I don't have enough time to repeat my experiments as many times as I'd like to and would be recommended but I just need to cope with that. If I'm hard working, I'll get my experiments done in a three weeks. Then I'll have few days to think what I've done and few days off too. The latter one sounds quite nice.

And the final thing in this blog entry; I hate this summer! I mean the weather. It's nothing but rain and gray sky! It makes me feel tired!

I still had something to say but I forgot it so it must be nothing interesting. Oh now I remember, I turned one watch in our house to display the Iowa time. Now I don't feel so bad when waking up and staying up late. Handy.

Visa Interview

I had my visa interview yesterday and it was quite scary! Not really. The security protocol there was the scary thing.

So I left on Monday to Tampere, missed the train I was supposed to go by, got late at my parents house, went late to bed and slept about three hours. At 3.30 am I woke up to make coffee and our bus to the train left 4.50 am and the train left 5.33 am. Too early! So we were at Helsinki at 7 am and walked to the embassy area. It was beautiful and when we reached our destination, the US embassy, there was right away a policeman (quite handsome one) questioning us, who were we, what were we doing there and I had to show my applications and passport. Then he said that we should go to some cafe to wait until it's 9 am. So we walked to the beach (harbor actually) but the cafe was open only after 9 am. And mom got a call from her cousin who told that their other cousins husband had just died. So she cried and was really sad. And she said I shouldn't comfort her or she will just cry. So I gave her a big hug and tried to cheer her up.
Then we walked back to the embassy and I got in exactly 9.05. I went through a security check, got escorted (by other handsome policeman) to the interview place and waited there for an hour! There were three desks and the interview people were all behind this glass and you talked with them via microphone (just like in prisons... or in movies, muaha) and everyone could hear what you said to them and what they said to you! The first desk checked my application and took it in. After about half an hour the second desk asked my finger prints (the device looked just like the ones which removes your fingerprints!) and finally the third desk asked me three questions: where will you study, what will you study and how long have you studied in university. And then I got escorted back (by the first handsome policeman), got my bag back and then it was it. It was quite fun (with my imagination).

After that we went shopping. And it was... exhausting. We had this list but finally we got only half of the things (and the list wasn't long!). We sought for FIVE hours a shirt for me for the funerals! There weren't ANY nice and conservative, black shirts anywhere!!! Well there were but then they cost like 100 €. Finally we found this nice dress for me (it was quite expensive though in sale). Then we tried to find some quiet pizza place but couldn't find one (mom wanted a pizza) so we went to some chicken fast food place, ate nuggets and tried to use our last hour finding the last things we were supposed to buy. But still we didn't get all. Then the last train left and I read a cosmo with a BIG cup of coffee in front of me, changed train in Tampere (which luckily waited our late train) and got home 10 pm. And I was so exhausted!!! I couldn't even go to shower and I'm still tired. But my things to do -list is now one thing shorter. Visa in order, it should be here by tomorrow or Friday.

Last week on Sunday we had our anniversary and we went to eat to Banthai (surprise surprise). The food was (as usual) delicious. After that we went to home and just relaxed the rest of the day.

Tomorrow I'll have hard day again. I need to do hundred different things and I hope I can keep all of them in my head so that I'll do them also! I will.

And on Saturday we'll go to the funerals.

Rough week. Luckily it's already Wednesday, halfway through the week.

We'll go soon to downtown and find Tarmo a dress shirt and a tie for the funerals and some other things and then we'll go to Waynes Coffee for a chocolate coffee and big chocolate muffin!