Week and two days

Long time no see. Still I'm not in the mood to write all the new things that has happened. But I feel like writing a bit.

I'll have my last exam in nine days. I still have 400 pages to read though... I also should write a report of my internship and look at the results. But I'm not in the mood for that. So I'll just be lazy today. Just washing some laundry, that's all.

I bought PS3 (!!!) and will play that today :> Though Tarmo is playing now, my turn comes later. I've been playing it more than he, so it's his turn :) I also bought a sewing machine but it has some problems so I can't sew anything. Have to wait for a friend to look at it tomorrow. But that's okay, I'm not in the mood for sewing much either...

But now I need to go to do some laundry. Just wanted to say hi, I'm still here...

One Month

Moan moan moan. Excited. Moan moan moan.

New Plans

Eastern was peaceful, nice and needed holiday. On Saturday we visited my parents as my Mom turned 60. We got loads of food with us and ate a lot. We also went for walking too so I wasn't just being lazy, though I did almost nothing for my Thesis. Yesterday I broke my back when we went to play kids, i.e. went to slide down. And there was a huge space where to slide and we managed to find the only ice cube and bumbed to it. And now my back muscles ache.

I also had to redo my plans. As I can't read for the exam I was supposed to have in three weeks (the book hasn't arrived yet), I need to write my thesis and start reading next week and do the exam three weeks later that I was supposed to do it. At the same time I'm having a seminar (luckily it's only for two weeks) and I need to read for other exam too as I'm doing the internship at the same time I should read for the exam. An instead of six weeks I'll have only three weeks time to read for that if I don't start earlier. So, so much of my relaxing Spring.

But it's okay. I just want to graduate. In June. Please.

Boring Everyday

Still there's nothing much else in my life than Tarmo, kitties and The Thesis. Oh yeah, and taekwondo and gym. And all of those are in order :)

I still have deficiency of Tarmo and I love spending my time with him. I seek the warmth of his hugs all the time and I spend a lot just having company of him. I play with our kitties and build nests to them (see the cat blog I made, though it's in Finnish, but you can at least see the pics ^^), go to the gym, and love taekwondo more and more every time. I even won a challenge in there! Though no-one knew that there was a competition going on but even still, I WON! HA! It felt so good :) I've learned something! The point was that I made "the most pure" movements. I did mistakes, noticed a lot of them and corrected my moves and even got corrected by our teacher. But as they said, I concentrated a lot and my moves were in balance. And I really did concentrate, I was short of breath and sweaty after the poomsae, even though it really isn't that hard :D

I did nothing last week and this week I got half of my Thesis back from the first correction round, been doing that and been fixing some things for the internship I'm doing in May. And that's that. I've played role playing games too (once, finally).

And honestly, that's my life.

I've been missing a bit Iowa City. When I see pictures of familiar streets and people, I miss them. I miss especially the summer time there. Everything was new and exciting, I didn't miss Tarmo so badly and things were better than later (I mean the death, water damage etc). I partied and went to all events and didn't worry about school. But all fun ends in good time. But I MISS YOU GUYS! <3

I hope to get the corrections done by Eastern Holidays so that I can read and relax. Then I need to read for one exam, then I write The Thesis (and try to finish it), go to the seminar, do the internship and at the same time read for the final exam. And that's it.

I want to move! I dream of the bigger apartment (I hope so much that we get the student apartment!) and decorating it. I already found the first thing I'm going to buy when I get my first pay check:

I love it! And I know our kitties will love it too ^^ Me wanna!

To Doll:

People don't worry. I'm quite happy with myself, I just need some irony once in a while :) I still think there's something to loose but if it doesn't leave with this excercise I'm doing, then it's supposed to be there. I'm woman with some curves :>

(And those who know me should imagine the tone I'm saying this phrase

I'm not perfect

;) )

A Doll

I just did something horrible. I edited myself. I could have so nica body if I wasn't shaped like this and if I was thin :P And if my face would be shaped in a different way, I could be beautiful. Too bad that most of the editing I did to myself, there's nothing I really can do to change those features. I have already lost aroung 5 kg since I came back and all there is left now is to firm up my body. And I can say I'm doing good job in trying to do so.
Here's one edit:


Quite obvious what I have done. If you can't see those, compare my jawline, forehead, shoulder, nose, lips and eyes. Well. That was alomost there is in this pic :D

Just had to share this horrifying truth. I'm not perfect.

Been through a very stressful course which is now over and done some pages for my thesis. Trying to read some more articles. Been in gym, weight has stuck in the same though during weekends I almost always gain one kilogram. And that's because I allow some goods for myself which aren't allowed during the week (candy and chips) and I don't do any exercise. But I always lose that kilogram in the week... I'm starting to have by abs back in shape too and that makes me really happy. Still should get my arms thinner... But I'm doing pretty good progress in there too. I don't want impossible things and I know my limits. I also won't ever give up food, chips or candy 'cause I love eating and food! :P

Well. That's quite all what there is. I love taekwondo and I almost can do the first poomse right.

Bah.

I'm sorry, I've been lazy. I have had the time to write but I haven't been in the mood.

There's nothing much new going on. I have one lab course that bursts my neuronal cells. Flow cytometry, where we have three lab times and need to write three reports AND we have practical exam after those three times. And I really didn't understand those graphs we got out (I did know what they ment but I couldn't wrtie a thing about them), I needed to stare at those pics for hours and hours and now I need to write a the second report today. I also should get my theisis to a point that I could give it to the first check. But as the lab course needed so much of my time and made my head ache, I haven't been able to write it. I'll try to do something during next week after I'm done with the third lab report. Though it does look quite good already, there's enough pages, lots of results and some new things too, and I have some ideas...

I'm still being most of the time lazy during the weekends. We do some laundry, clean the house and cook. Then I watch Tarmo playing or play Sims2, sometimes go to my friends place to sing Singstars or have party. Though I haven't been drinking much. I got another phone bill and now I can't afford to eat at the university. Luckily I don't have such a courses that I had to be 8 h at the university, if I have long day (ie 6 h) I do something to eat at home and take it with me. I already got bored (after almost two months, not a surprise...) to the food I made (pasta/noodels with crushed soy and dried mushrooms with some random sauce) and I bought potatoes and made soup. I also found some very cheap fish rissoles (yummy!) that had their last date but I put them in the freezer. So that's my food for the next two weeks, after that I need to make something else... But I don't mind cooking. I love it. And now I can be at home (most of the time) and decide my own rythm. It's nice. Though I do go to do some sports almost every day (except during weekends) and sometimes I go to see my friends at the university (and drink coffee with them). So, nothing new.

I had a really bad day at the beginning of this week. Or evening to be proper. After a long day at the university I got home and there was the bill waiting for me. That got me in the bad mood because I realized then that now I can't afford to go and get my driving licence this Spring/Summer. That was my dream as long as I had the money but now I don't have it anymore... I don't know if I have time to go and do the lisence later, as the PhD studies will take so much time and I'm going to continue the taekwondo. It makes me sad because I would've wanted to be a driver too so that Tarmo wouldn't always need to drive, as we need to buy a car this year. Anyway, because of this bill I was getting really mad at myself and snapped to our kitties :( Then I felt so bad because really they didn't do anything THAT bad, went to bed and soon Tarmo joined me. He noticed immediately that I was miserable and just hugged me for few hours and I cried. (It made me feel even worse as it didn't make me feel better, I just kept Tarmo awake too...) Finally he fell asleep. I slept for few hours and felt miserable the next day too. Then I made some desicions and I felt better.
It's always money that makes me sad. I'm so used to deal with my things in a way that I have money to eat. And I've always had some savings to use if my other money isn't enough. Now I had made so much savings that I could go and get my drivings lisence and then I had to take money from there. I could continue to save money there but now there's no money I could save from as I need every penny of the money I get in order to eat. And after I get the paycheck, I need to pay my student loan and we need to buy few new furnitures and the car. And after we have all that, I'll start saving to a new computer (as this one is getting in the point that it will break soon) and then I'm going to start to save for our own apartment. And then it's what, 2012?? And at least then we need to move to a new (hopefully our own) apartment and need to start paying apartment loan back. Argh loans make me feel like I didn't have money at all! I hate when I need to loan money. But I understand that I need to get the loans if I ever want to live in an apartment of my own. And me want to!
Yeah, big problems again. See, this is why I don't write, I start brain storming and then I have a book. Bah. And I'm not in money problems. As I said, I have savings. I just don't want to use them :D But I will, I love food and eating too much to stop it ;)

I really need to get some clothes on and finish my breakfast and start writing the damned report. Oh yeah! One really good thing has happened, I've lost some weight! And I'm starting to get back in shape, yey!

ps. Sorry for the misspellings, I'm too lazy to check...

Blah.

I know it's been ages, I've just been too "busy" meaning that I've been too lazy... I have done some work for my thesis, of course. But not too much yet... I'm still not in the mood for writing, so I'll just tell shortly what's going on.

I've done one essay for one course to get the points and done things to get my courses from Iowa to my degree. And on Thursday we went to a bar with Tarmo to have some drinks with couple of professors from our university, that was fun!

We also visited Kuopio again to see Tarmo's possible future boss. Though it was really weird from the beginning. First in the morning Tarmo wrote an e-mail to him asking when could they meet and he answered that he's there the same day. Tarmo replied and said what time we'll be there (we went by train) and asked where should he go. He just replied that give me a call. We had to leave soon after that and he never told where to go. So on our way to Kuopio Tarmo tried to call him but he didn't answer. When we arrived to Kuopio, still no answer. We thought that we need to eat something quickly if Tarmo needs to be soon somewhere else. But again, even though Tarmo called every half an hour to him, he never answered. Tarmo even tried to check his e-mail with my phone but it didn't work out. We started looking the center of Kuopio, browsing in the shops. Finally around three he callet to Tarmo, said an address and didn't even answer when Tarmo asked the name of the company. So at four they met (I was with Kaisa) and in five minutes it was over. He didn't even take Tarmo inside but talked with him outside! He didn't remember where Tarmo was from (he graduated from the same university and Tarmo had said that before) and his answer was "we don't take graduated people"!!! WHAT?? And Tarmo very clearly said that he's graduating and his reply was "we always need physichist".
I said to Tarmo that good that he didn't take Tarmo, he seems to be way too weird to be a good boss. But it still pisses me off, this all could've been figured out by e-mail, it cost us some money to go to Kuopio all for nothing, and it cost us a work day AND we didn't even have time to go to taekwondo since it was already too late when we got back home. So stupid...

So, this weekend we've just relaxed, cleaned the house, played with kitties etc etc. Feels good to do nothing, for a change. Though I need to do some work for the thesis to get my results done, I've finished Matherials and Methods, almost done with Results, and started to read articles for the introduction and to do some research... So I'm not in panic and my thesis has already some pages done...

But that's how things are here. No deeper analysis about my daily life. :P

Baby is (are) Back

So, I'm back in here.

I've gotten myself in order, no more waking up at 2 am, no rash and I have been doing few things for my future too! Life in Finland is easy. I don't feel weird, I love being back home. We got our babies back yesterday too and I love the feeling when someone comes and wipes his/hers tail against my leg ^^ Though they've grown up so much!
I'm having tomorrow my welcome back party, my friends arranget everything and it feels so weird because I don't know what's been planned and what should I do...

But as I'm not in the mood for writing much today, I'll just briefly tell what's going on.
I'm writing an essay for one course I couldn't do before but which I need to do for my degree. After that's done I'll return for my results and try to make some kind of picture of my work in my head and after that I'll start writing. I also should go to nurse to get last of my hepatite vaccination done, get my courses from Iowa in my degree and send some flights to insurance company. My first course is beginning only next month so I have some time to do all these little things though I've planned to get my Introduction mostly done by the time the course begins. Luckily it's only two weeks and labs, after that I'll return to writing and I should get my thesis done as soon as possible, as I need to do two book exams after that (one is exam about the literature I used and one is THE final examination in cell biology). I'll have my other course on April-May I think and I hope that by that time my thesis would be quite ready as I'm having the seminar course and I need to give a representation of my work by then. And after that I should find a place to do a short internship so that I could get all the needed courses for my degree and then I'd be kind of ready!

And the reason for horrying things up is that I'm moving to Kuopio with Tarmo next Summer!!! I GOT THE PLACE! I mean in the research group and I'll start as soon as I'm done in here. I'm quite happy ^^ They promised that there would be a place for me for the next 4-5 years!
And as Tarmo is graduating too, there's no problem moving away. And he has his things almost in order too...

But as I finally updated my stuff in here, I can go sleeping soon...

Oh how I love having our kitties back!!!

New Motivation Post

This time I've found the things I really really want:

For livingroom:

this (FUTURE, around 1670e, ISKU)...

and this (FUTURE, 999e, ISKU) but...

in this way.

And...

this but with the fabric showed in here (Kulmadivaani Pal KD-023, 1199e, Kalustekauppa)

And for kitchen:

this (DINE, 436e + 4 x 59e, ISKU)...

or this (TYYNI, 487e, ISKU) but with previous chairs or with these chairs:

(PEPPER, 4 x 39e, ISKU) though I'm not sure about this as the legs are quite different from the legs of the table...

Oh God why oh WHY do I have to have so expensive taste?? Though, ISKU furniture are expensive but they last forever... And the couch is also a bed so that's why it's so expensive.

I love dreaming! :>

Yöllinen keskustelu #kortexilla

Sorry, this is in Finnish...

03:31 <@pokemon> mmpåp
03:33 <@Fencist> where's the love
03:34 Juulia_151 no ei ainakaan täällä!
03:34 <@pokemon> höh
03:34 -!- Diablesse [~Diablesse@jenni.kortex.jyu.fi] has quit [""]
03:34 <@pokemon> katonny mitä teit
03:34 <@pokemon> gimme some lööööv
03:35 Juulia_151 en!
03:35 <@pokemon> pässi!
03:35 Juulia_151 hammasharja!
03:35 <@pokemon> repskukkuu
03:36 Juulia_151 kotkot
03:36 <@pokemon> sä mitään mitään tajua
03:37 <@pokemon> koittasit ny vähän ees täristä samaan tahtiin!
03:37 Juulia_151 pässi!
03:37 <@pokemon> hammasharja!
03:37 Juulia_151 etkö sie nyt usko ettei se onnistu!
03:37 <@pokemon> e
03:37 <@pokemon> :>
03:37 Juulia_151 pässi!
03:37 <@pokemon> sain sut jo iskettyä NYCin metrossa sänkyyn kolmeks yöks
03:37 <@pokemon> emmä niin vaan luovuta :P
03:38 Juulia_151 ja viiminen yö vielä saman peiton allakin :D
03:38 <@pokemon> NI!
03:38 <@pokemon> ja sit loppu se loma :(
03:38 Juulia_151 niih...
03:38 <@pokemon> pitää taas nukkua yksin peiton alla :(((
03:38 Juulia_151 :(
03:38 <@pokemon> ha, eipäs pidäkään!
03:38 Juulia_151 ja täristä eri tahtiin
03:38 <@pokemon> mulla onki kisu!
03:38 <@pokemon> HA
03:39 <@pokemon> no ei se mitään vaikka eri tahtiin täristään kunhan muistetaan vetää välillä henkeä...
03:39 Juulia_151 niih... se on tärkeintä...
03:39 <@pokemon> ni
03:39 <@pokemon> ettäs tiiät pässi
03:39 <@pokemon> !
03:39 Juulia_151 hamamsharja
03:39 <@pokemon> hoho
03:39 <@pokemon> et osannu
03:39 Juulia_151 oho...
03:39 Juulia_151 osaaminen <3>
03:40 pulla Anteeksi nyt tytöt, mutta jos ette koe saavanne tarpeeks rakkautta niin mä voin auttaa.
03:40 <@pokemon> :>
03:40 <@pokemon> ihan varmasti
03:40 <@pokemon> ootko oikeella puolella atlanttia?
03:40 pulla oon. te ootte vaan vääräl.
03:40 <@pokemon> :D
03:40 <@pokemon> no se on kyl totta
03:41 <@pokemon> täytyy sit vaan oottaa kiltisti kolme viikkoa ja kolme
päivää...
03:41 Juulia_151 mut en mie kyllä usko että pulla osaa täristä samaan
tahtiin...
03:41 <@pokemon> :D
03:41 <@pokemon> joo kato tää tärinä vaatii kaks jänistä
03:42 Juulia_151 :D
03:43 pulla nyt jopa minä, joka luulin omistavani kieron mielen, tippu
kärryiltä
03:43 Juulia_151 :D
03:43 <@pokemon> :D

Motivation Post

Noresund night table 19€

Detolf showcase 49€

Lack TV stand 59€

Lack Table 49€

Mysinge couch 720€

Hedda carpet 199€

Laver kitchen table and chairs 89€

All were from ikea.com

Plus new curtains and book cases and computer tables and shelves and and... Oh yeah, Tarmo says which car we get. And the drivers license. See?? I need money! I need a job! I need to graduate!

STUDY HARD! WORK HARD!

Something's in the Air

I'm just goofing around my two blogs, and write every other day to the other so that I don't seem to be so bored, muaha!

Now our house is clean, I even washed the floor! Laundry is still drying and I can't pack my bags ready until I get all my clothes from there (well, one skirt). Vepa will dye my hair today, so that it looks fine again. Now my own color starts to show way too much.

I didn't sleep this morning enough (as I haven't slept all week), everybody just keeps calling and messaging me and I always wake up because of them and can't sleep. On Monday it was Taru, yesterday it was mom and today Tuula. Hope I could sleep late enough tomorrow... Because I can't go bed earlier that 3 am because I'm not tired!

Our cats seem to realize that something's in the air. They come to me all the time, and they usually don't come so often! Last night I almost got my first leaving tear in my eye when we went to bed and chatted about my leaving. So now it starts. I bet I'll cry this night (for some reason I cry more easily at night than at daytime) or tomorrow.

Oh god! I just realized that next night will be my last night in my home for a while... Maybe I should go bed early just to goof around with Tarmo. And try to stay there as long as possible on the morning... Because I just love our bed! It's the best place in the world when Tarmo lies there beside me. And I have to play with our cats the whole night because then it's cool enough and they're active. Now they're just sleeping and trying to find the coolest place in here.

And tomorrow I'll leave to Tampere, we'll see Reija at Matkakeskus and I'll give her my key so that she can take care of our babies for the weekend. I'm a bit sad because I didn't see all my friends before leaving though I still try to keep in mind that half a year goes by quickly.

I think this is the last post I'll write in here for a while, so check out my exchange blog if you're interested how's life going at the other side of the sea. (Feels strange to say that.)

ps. Tarmo gave me the red network cable, I asked if we had one spare for me to take with me, he gave me blue, I asked that didn't we have red one somewhere, it was in use but he replaced it with the blue one so that I could have the red one. I just love that man! He didn't even argue, muaha!

Bags Almost Packed!

HA!

I did it! Well almost, it weights now 6kg 100g!!! I still should pack my laptop bag to see how my electronics fits there and how much extra space is left to pack some more with me.

Here's my stuff and...

...here's my red suitcase!

And yes, I'm bored. I still should edit few pics but I'm just not interested enough to do that. I thought that I'd send the few pics that Tuula asked me to mail her and then I'll just see if I could fin strength to edit the last pics too. Then I could give the dvd and one book to Reija and she could give them to Tuula as I won't go to the university anymore.

I've been founding more and more butterflies from my stomach. I've started to go through in my mind the coming flights. Sometimes I even get in to the point when it isn't so scary anymore. But mostly I'm nervous. I asked Tarmo if he already gets excited and nervous and he said yes. He worries that what will he do in here when I'm gone. Cute. I won't have to worry what I'll do but I do worry what he'll do. I don't wan him just to sit at home waiting for me. Or waiting to come to US to spend Christmas with me (that is what I'm already waiting for). Though I do know that after the first days and weeks he'll get used to it and he'll live just as normal life as before, maybe hanging out more with his friends.

By the way, Taru called me this morning. Mom and dad weren't invited to Laura's confirmation and party but I and Tarmo were. We couldn't go there unfortunately. But it was funny, she talked me with all the issues she usually talks with mom. It's just that now she couldn't call to mom because she talked mostly of the party where my parents weren't invited. I know that especially mom was offended by that and I think she has all the reasons to get offended. After all mom is close to them. And even though mom says she's not THAT offended, I know she is. I'm too for her... And I don't know why they weren't invited. Nor does she. Usually they go to all parties and they love Mira and Laura both very much. Just another thing that I don't understand. Not that I would understand many things in any case, muaha!

It's so hot. And beautiful weather. But I don't want to go outside because there it's even hotter and I only get burned. Even kitties are all sleepy. But nice weather for my vacation.

We still should clean the house and do some laundry. I think we'll do those on Wednesday and tomorrow we'll go to buy vacuum cleaner pouches. And I really should edit the pics by tomorrow... Maybe I'll do that this evening/night. Now I'm not in the mood.

Leaving Party and Butterflies

Omg! I just got a swarm of butterflies into my tummy. I added this counter application to my facebook site and it says 5 days! It can't be!

Yesterday was fun. We jumped again with jump-rope and barbecued and got drunk and went to Rentukka and then back to our place. I also called Jesse and got a good laugh when he asked (and we talked about my thesis) "can I have a testicle cancer in my brains?". I laughed so much!

J-P and Maria are so cute... at the background we're jumping.

Me, Kirsikka and Reija

Me and Kirsikka dancing, after this song Kirsikka bended me back too much and I spilled our drinks over my computer (luckily not over my laptop).

And it's funny, we went to sleep at 4 am which is only hour later than we usually go to sleep! And woke up at noon which is also normal in these days. And I'm not having hang over because I drunk water (about 2 liters) before I went to bed. And that's good.

5 days!!! I can imagine being abroad but I can't imagine traveling alone there... But I can still remember how it was so exciting to travel by train to Tampere and back for the first times. Muaha! Or to Savonlinna and I had to change to bus and I had never traveled there before. It's not that it's not exciting to travel with someone, but alone! I don't know why it's such a big deal. Maybe because I've used to be with Tarmo everywhere I go. Or that I'm not that experienced in traveling and I fear that I get lost (right...) or confused (could happen!) or I get so nervous that I can't speak English (right...) or I miss my flight (so what?) or or... I still know that this will develop me and I want to experience this. But it still scares me.
I know that traveling alone doesn't mean that I won't be social or get company on my way, I know that I will look so frightened that someone more experienced will come and chat with me, muaha! No, I mean that I'm so social that I'll chat with people anyway and that'll relieve my fears. I know that there will be other people who are just in the same situation that I'm in. And it's no point thinking (seriously) what if questions. If something happens then it happens.

I'm not so nervous about actually being at Iowa, not knowing anyone. Well, I almost know someones there. But whole new environment doesn't make me nervous. I know that there are so many other people who I'll meet who are just in the same situation, and I know how to get to the hotel, I'll get my breakfast there on Saturday morning and then my temporary roommate Paola will come and then, then we'll go to check out the city or something. But then I have someone who I can talk with. And it's not that I couldn't go and check out the city by myself but it's the company. And still the airports scare me. Not the flying itself but the airports. All the security checks make me nervous (as they're supposed to do I think) and as being control freak I fear that my tickets are wrong (aren't), my bags include something prohibited (don't), flights will be late (matters only if the flight from Helsinki to Dublin is hours late) or or or... And here I go again.

But still I need to think about these things. I still wait when I'll start crying to Tarmo that I'll miss him, I don't want to leave him and our cats and home, I want him to come with me. The hardest part of this exchange thing is that we'll be separated for four-five months. We're so close to each other and we are used to cuddle, chat and just be with each other every day. We'll still talk to each other every day in the internet but it's not the same. I need comfort and Tarmo gives it to me. But we'll manage. I can only wait the Christmas when he comes there.
And the kitties. I will miss them too, I'm so used to someone soft and warm to curl around my leg or back when I take nap or some black tail to sweep me now and then. Sigh. I will miss my friends and family too. But then again, it's only half a year. It goes by so fast and then I'm suddenly back.

I did this choice to go overseas. I did this choice to miss everyone (not that I could make a choice not to miss anyone, muaha). This is one of my dream come true. Oh I get so excited!

Today is going to be a hang over day though I don't have hang over. This means that I don't need to dress up or go to anywhere. I can just relax. Nice.

Dream Bag

Now how come everyone dies at the same time??? My mothers cousins dad just died. Olavi's brother. Sigh. But he (hopefully) is last of that generation, now there shouldn't be anyone who'd pass away of old age. He wasn't so close to me though that doesn't mean that I wouldn't mourn him.

I realized yesterday while I checked my flights (and realized that I really can't check them earlier that 48h before the departure) that I have a problem. I was supposed to carry with me a small suitcase, laptop bag and handbag. BUT I can have only my small suitcase AND ONE personal item which is laptop bag OR handbag... So I'll have to leave my handbag away and try to fit my papers etc stuff in that suitcase and it can weight only 6kg! My laptop is so heavy that I can't put it in the suitcase and the laptop bag is so small that I can't put my handbag stuff there. Did I explain my situation clear enough? I'm in trouble! I can't leave without handbag! Where am I supposed to carry my items when I'm in US? I could buy a new bag but I need time to find a PERFECT bag (though I'm bagaholic, I won't buy just ANY bag). Though if I leave my bag home that'd be a good reason to try to find my dream bag... I already found one from Helsinki but it cost over 100€... And I've been trying to find one almost a year! It's like this:
BUT brown and bigger and it has smocking like this bag:

And yes, I really have seen one! So my dream bag exists! Sigh. I feel so superficial. Muaha! Which reminds me of my another problem. My hairdryer. I can't take it either with me. I didn't pack it before because I thought it had fit into my suitcase but it turned out that it doesn't fit. But that isn't that big problem. My hairdryer isn't so good anymore so I'd need to buy new one anyway sometime... But the bag... By the way, these bags are Daniel Ray bags if someone wants to know.

I packed my suitcase yesterday and weighted it, I got 1kg away by leaving some papers away but it still weights 1kg too much. But I thought that I'll try again next week. Thought there isn't much stuff that I can leave anymore... I need to survive one week with that bag (and its contents) so I can't just leave clothes away (and I don't have many in that bag). And my cosmetics include only must-haves like shampoo etc and they're all samples! But I'll worry that again next week. My bag just weights alone so much... But I can't buy new one because I already have this one, it's red and I got it from my friends as a gift and I want to use it because it reminds me of my friends. Oh why is this so complicated?? And it really isn't, I just make it complicated.

But now that I wrote it down, maybe I'll leave my handbag and buy new one from Iowa. I'll buy new bags anyway, muaha! Yes. That I'll do. The bag weights quite much anyway... Problem solved.

It's beautiful weather outside, it's been ages since there was that beautiful and warm weather! And that suites me because I'm having my leaving party today and I'll keep it outside! We'll barbecue and when it gets cold and late we'll go to Rentukka.

And last but not least, me. I got ready almost an hour ago, still another to go before the party starts! I just needed to take a pic where my hair and makeup is fresh. Muaha! And I don't know why but it looks like my eyebrow had a scar. Though it is kind of bold from that spot, has always been. But there's no scar. But I kind of like it.

On Vacation

I felt so grown up today! I was at the bank and I got some dollars and travelers checks. I've never had checks before. And I've never changed money at bank. I had to take a pic of my new money, muaha!


I used as a background our new pillowcases and pillows! I've been supposed to buy new pillows for ages since the old ones were quite bad already and then I had really wakening moment when we slept at Ilona's. Her pillows were so perfect that I thought, now! And they were expensive, 70€ each, but at 70% discount! I also bought pillowcases for them and new curtains to bedroom!


I'd like to have new shower curtain too because kitties tore the old one and it looks ugly. But I couldn't find any nice shower curtains! So I didn't buy new one.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm about to move away for six months and I can soon decorate my new room, but now I got this weird decoration boost and I'd like to have all kinds of new stuff in here! I already found sofa, tv surface, shelves, coffee table, dinner table and chairs, night table... Which means that I already renewed our house totally. I also dream of new curtains to our livingroom and new carpet... But I think we'll start to look those things when we get money somewhere. Tarmo already said that he trusts in my taste so that means no fighting! Muaha!

Yesterday we had a meeting where we went through my work. I didn't have enough time to go through all my pics but we wouldn't have had enough time to go through all of them anyway. But it cheered me up because I indeed got some results! I hadn't realized those things before, not that I had much time to think my work... I still need to edit the last pics and send Tuula some pics, then it's all done. But that can wait, I'm on vacation now!!! Finally!!! I washed our fridge and I thought I'd go through my exchange papers too today, or tonight. On Saturday I'll have my leaving party at our backyard. Then I'll just relax and enjoy Tarmo and kitties.

In a week I'll be at Iowa! Awful! Yet still wonderful! I still should call and reserve the transportation from the airport to the hotel and check my flights and pack bags. And check where I should be and what time when the orientation starts. I got a new ticket to my student card and there were lots of exchange students too. My tummy started to prickle...

But now I get back to arranging our stuff...

Feeling Better

Phew, I just had a nice migraine. My fingers went numb, as went my tongue and throat. Then the headache hit and even painkiller wouldn't help. I tried to do some editing with my photos but I couldn't stare the screen for long. Finally I went to sleep, slept almost and hour and now it's better. But my motivation is too low. I'd just want to relax. But that'll be soon.

During the weekend I read Harry Potter and the Deadly Hallows! On Friday we left to Tampere and I bought the book on our way there. On Saturday we went to this nice bar and some of my friends came there (though some of them didn't and I feel sad because of that though I know the must've had something else to do). But I had fun. And after all it's only half a year I'm away. We don't see each other anyway often.

But here's some pics from the evening.

Me and Ilona at her place (which was beautiful)

Tarmo and me (always so peaceful)

And I love this pic, Tarmo and me again. Quite drunk already.

We has so much fun that night. We went to sleet at Ilona's and slept well. My parents couch wasn't so comfortable and we slept that night badly the other night at Tampere. On Sunday we came back home. We had a friend who looked after the kitties, they were good, not a problem at all. So it's not that big thing to leave them alone over a weekend if someone just comes and sees them twice a day. Though I don't prefer that solution but sometimes there's no other way.

I'd need to edit about 1500 pics for Wednesday. My cell pics I mean. I'll just need to sit by my laptop the whole day tomorrow. I still have post migraine feeling.

But so, I read Harry Potter. No worries, I'm not going to spoil. It was nice reading. I sat my nose buried in that book all the time I could. Though I had to get it finished during the weekend so that I'd had time to edit my pics.

Ilona's place was beautiful. She lives in this old house and though it was a small place it looked so like her. Neat, white and brown, nice green couch, elegant. Now I want a sofa in here too really badly! But we don't have enough money to buy one now. So it'll have to wait. I dream of buying new sofa, bookshelf and some other objects. But maybe only after I get some money from somewhere (meaning salary).

It's not even two weeks and I'm gone! Awful! I still need to get the pics out of my to dos before I can start to think the exchange more. I need to go to bank and call a transportation for Iowa, the almost all should be in order. I also should clean out house throughly before I leave.

But now back to the pics. I still have much to do with them tonight. Luckily my day rhythm has changed, I stay up 3 am and wake up 11 am. Good.

I still need to say that I felt so much better last Friday when I put all my cells away. No more lab!

My Past

Muaha, I just found my old old blog I wrote when I had just moved in Jyväskylä. Oh god I was such a partygirl! Almost every weekend at bar. How could I afford that??? Well, I had been working last summer so maybe I had money. And I was lonely. I see it only now. I'm so much happier and more balanced than ever.

And my stress is beginning to ease. Though I'm now sick, luckily I had only two really bad days (fever and still 9 hours at the lab). I'm better now, still coughing and my throat is sore. Still one week to go with the work, not so long hours which is more that good. I'll survive as I said. And I'm happy that I did this much work.

I heard that the last Harry Potter has been published! I thought it'd come out tomorrow. I try to get it as soon as possible. Maybe I could read it next week. Or the week after that.

Tarmos mom and her husband will come here tonight. And my parents visited yesterday. and next weekend we'll go to Tampere.

I'm still thinking my earlier blog. My life was only reading, bar and tv. Well not only, I had friends but I realize now that I still was lonely. But what else could I feel? I'd just ended my long relationship, had moved to a new city ans started whole new life. But I must say, I did enjoy my single life, at least most of it. I do feel better now with Tarmo but I needed that time. And I'm glad that I experienced that all. My biggest fear was that I'd turn up cold but I didn't. It was fun to read my thoughts two years ago and to notice how much I've changed. I am adult now and I've developed much emotionally. And I feel more secure now. I don't stress up so much of exams (though I should) and I've calmed down. But isn't that what happens when one gets in a relationship? Though I'm much poorer now so I can't afford to go to bars every weekend.

But enough of my past life. Lets think my future.
I chatted with Saana last night and I realized that I'm starting to think the excange more and more. Now I have the time to think about it. I start to be nervous about the flights (well I'm not nervous now but every time I think of them, I get nervous). How do I find all the desks? I've been traveling so little especially by plain, so I fear airports a bit. Though I know I'll manage, I can speak and I'm not afraid to ask someones help if I need it. And luckily I'm women so people are more friendly towards me. At least I believe so. I'll just look innocent and frightened so that they'll just feel sorry for me and help me. Muaha!

I'll try to wake up at 11 am beginning next week. Then I've turned my dayschedule four hours. And the last week I'll try to wake up at 12 am. I believe that's the point I just can't sleep later.

This text is beginning to be just a stream of consciousness so I'll stop writing now. In a hour there will be this movie I'll watch. Hope the next week goes fast! I want to stay home!

I'm Cracking Up

Oh I'm so tired.

I don't know why but Tuula has some kind of stressing influence on me. Every time I talk to her I just get more and more stressed. She doesn't seem to get it that I really have enough work to do. She has said herself that she hasn't been in the lab for a years and I believe she has forgotten that even a little things take time.

I made these tests for her and she forgot to mention some important things about them and it took several hours to figure them out and because of that I couldn't take pics of my own cell things and because of that I now have too many object glasses to shoot. And it stresses me more. I should shoot them in order to get some results and I need the results now to know what to do next.

And I think she got angry with me today. I was in a hell of a hurry and she'd already messaged me and I hadn't had the time to read all the messages and then she calls, the phone is right beside me and there is other person at the lab too so I answer and say quickly that I don't have time to talk now, call later, bye. Then I get a message: I'm not calling. WHAT THE HELL??? Then don't. I don't care. Well I do and I get sad if someone is mean to me. Because I could tell that she got offended or something and got angry. Well I am sorry but I was in a hurry and I couldn't speak!!! It pissed me off so much that if I had been alone I would've cried.
I know that she just tried to help me because I just had said her that I'm missing some dyes. But she was supposed to be at the university today and she didn't come (we should've had a meeting) and she asked if I'd need her and I answered that not necessarily (I didn't want her to come just for me cause I know she'd want to be home). Argh! Then I messaged her back few hours later (when I had time to write her) and said some things where she usually replies but now nothing. So I know that she's insulted. And so am I! But I'm just me and I won't say anything. But I know that if she says something tomorrow, I'll have to leave her room cause I'm so stressed that I'll get tears in my eye just for nothing. And this stresses me even more!

Luckily Reija helps me. If there wasn't her, I'd die. But I don't want to bother her too much. Just now I hang on because I know in a week I don't have to go to the university every fucking day. Then I just need to think what I've done and why and make some pics and charts... But then I can be at home.

I don't know why I'm starting to get a burn out (again) now... I'm so close finishing my tests and I do have all the material (in the form of experiments) I need for my thesis, I don't need to write it now and if I need to, I can do some extra experiments later. So why am I cracking up now?? Everything is perfect at home so it's not that either. Everything is fine with friends too. Why??? I feel like I'm so weak that I can't handle the pressure. And I'm getting a flu. I'm sure the first day I stay at home, I get a fever and I can't do anything.

I've been updating the official lab book too, I'm only a week behind (and that is 20 pages). I'll try to get it on date today. Then I should use my evenings after lab to do all the charts ready (not a big thing really) and retouch hundreds of pics (a big thing really). And all this before August. I plan to do NOTHING RELATED TO WORK on August. I need a vacation and I'm going to take it too. Muaha!

Still two weeks... I'll manage. I have to. I will.