New Motivation Post

This time I've found the things I really really want:

For livingroom:

this (FUTURE, around 1670e, ISKU)...

and this (FUTURE, 999e, ISKU) but...

in this way.

And...

this but with the fabric showed in here (Kulmadivaani Pal KD-023, 1199e, Kalustekauppa)

And for kitchen:

this (DINE, 436e + 4 x 59e, ISKU)...

or this (TYYNI, 487e, ISKU) but with previous chairs or with these chairs:

(PEPPER, 4 x 39e, ISKU) though I'm not sure about this as the legs are quite different from the legs of the table...

Oh God why oh WHY do I have to have so expensive taste?? Though, ISKU furniture are expensive but they last forever... And the couch is also a bed so that's why it's so expensive.

I love dreaming! :>

Yöllinen keskustelu #kortexilla

Sorry, this is in Finnish...

03:31 <@pokemon> mmpåp
03:33 <@Fencist> where's the love
03:34 Juulia_151 no ei ainakaan täällä!
03:34 <@pokemon> höh
03:34 -!- Diablesse [~Diablesse@jenni.kortex.jyu.fi] has quit [""]
03:34 <@pokemon> katonny mitä teit
03:34 <@pokemon> gimme some lööööv
03:35 Juulia_151 en!
03:35 <@pokemon> pässi!
03:35 Juulia_151 hammasharja!
03:35 <@pokemon> repskukkuu
03:36 Juulia_151 kotkot
03:36 <@pokemon> sä mitään mitään tajua
03:37 <@pokemon> koittasit ny vähän ees täristä samaan tahtiin!
03:37 Juulia_151 pässi!
03:37 <@pokemon> hammasharja!
03:37 Juulia_151 etkö sie nyt usko ettei se onnistu!
03:37 <@pokemon> e
03:37 <@pokemon> :>
03:37 Juulia_151 pässi!
03:37 <@pokemon> sain sut jo iskettyä NYCin metrossa sänkyyn kolmeks yöks
03:37 <@pokemon> emmä niin vaan luovuta :P
03:38 Juulia_151 ja viiminen yö vielä saman peiton allakin :D
03:38 <@pokemon> NI!
03:38 <@pokemon> ja sit loppu se loma :(
03:38 Juulia_151 niih...
03:38 <@pokemon> pitää taas nukkua yksin peiton alla :(((
03:38 Juulia_151 :(
03:38 <@pokemon> ha, eipäs pidäkään!
03:38 Juulia_151 ja täristä eri tahtiin
03:38 <@pokemon> mulla onki kisu!
03:38 <@pokemon> HA
03:39 <@pokemon> no ei se mitään vaikka eri tahtiin täristään kunhan muistetaan vetää välillä henkeä...
03:39 Juulia_151 niih... se on tärkeintä...
03:39 <@pokemon> ni
03:39 <@pokemon> ettäs tiiät pässi
03:39 <@pokemon> !
03:39 Juulia_151 hamamsharja
03:39 <@pokemon> hoho
03:39 <@pokemon> et osannu
03:39 Juulia_151 oho...
03:39 Juulia_151 osaaminen <3>
03:40 pulla Anteeksi nyt tytöt, mutta jos ette koe saavanne tarpeeks rakkautta niin mä voin auttaa.
03:40 <@pokemon> :>
03:40 <@pokemon> ihan varmasti
03:40 <@pokemon> ootko oikeella puolella atlanttia?
03:40 pulla oon. te ootte vaan vääräl.
03:40 <@pokemon> :D
03:40 <@pokemon> no se on kyl totta
03:41 <@pokemon> täytyy sit vaan oottaa kiltisti kolme viikkoa ja kolme
päivää...
03:41 Juulia_151 mut en mie kyllä usko että pulla osaa täristä samaan
tahtiin...
03:41 <@pokemon> :D
03:41 <@pokemon> joo kato tää tärinä vaatii kaks jänistä
03:42 Juulia_151 :D
03:43 pulla nyt jopa minä, joka luulin omistavani kieron mielen, tippu
kärryiltä
03:43 Juulia_151 :D
03:43 <@pokemon> :D

Motivation Post

Noresund night table 19€

Detolf showcase 49€

Lack TV stand 59€

Lack Table 49€

Mysinge couch 720€

Hedda carpet 199€

Laver kitchen table and chairs 89€

All were from ikea.com

Plus new curtains and book cases and computer tables and shelves and and... Oh yeah, Tarmo says which car we get. And the drivers license. See?? I need money! I need a job! I need to graduate!

STUDY HARD! WORK HARD!

Something's in the Air

I'm just goofing around my two blogs, and write every other day to the other so that I don't seem to be so bored, muaha!

Now our house is clean, I even washed the floor! Laundry is still drying and I can't pack my bags ready until I get all my clothes from there (well, one skirt). Vepa will dye my hair today, so that it looks fine again. Now my own color starts to show way too much.

I didn't sleep this morning enough (as I haven't slept all week), everybody just keeps calling and messaging me and I always wake up because of them and can't sleep. On Monday it was Taru, yesterday it was mom and today Tuula. Hope I could sleep late enough tomorrow... Because I can't go bed earlier that 3 am because I'm not tired!

Our cats seem to realize that something's in the air. They come to me all the time, and they usually don't come so often! Last night I almost got my first leaving tear in my eye when we went to bed and chatted about my leaving. So now it starts. I bet I'll cry this night (for some reason I cry more easily at night than at daytime) or tomorrow.

Oh god! I just realized that next night will be my last night in my home for a while... Maybe I should go bed early just to goof around with Tarmo. And try to stay there as long as possible on the morning... Because I just love our bed! It's the best place in the world when Tarmo lies there beside me. And I have to play with our cats the whole night because then it's cool enough and they're active. Now they're just sleeping and trying to find the coolest place in here.

And tomorrow I'll leave to Tampere, we'll see Reija at Matkakeskus and I'll give her my key so that she can take care of our babies for the weekend. I'm a bit sad because I didn't see all my friends before leaving though I still try to keep in mind that half a year goes by quickly.

I think this is the last post I'll write in here for a while, so check out my exchange blog if you're interested how's life going at the other side of the sea. (Feels strange to say that.)

ps. Tarmo gave me the red network cable, I asked if we had one spare for me to take with me, he gave me blue, I asked that didn't we have red one somewhere, it was in use but he replaced it with the blue one so that I could have the red one. I just love that man! He didn't even argue, muaha!

Bags Almost Packed!

HA!

I did it! Well almost, it weights now 6kg 100g!!! I still should pack my laptop bag to see how my electronics fits there and how much extra space is left to pack some more with me.

Here's my stuff and...

...here's my red suitcase!

And yes, I'm bored. I still should edit few pics but I'm just not interested enough to do that. I thought that I'd send the few pics that Tuula asked me to mail her and then I'll just see if I could fin strength to edit the last pics too. Then I could give the dvd and one book to Reija and she could give them to Tuula as I won't go to the university anymore.

I've been founding more and more butterflies from my stomach. I've started to go through in my mind the coming flights. Sometimes I even get in to the point when it isn't so scary anymore. But mostly I'm nervous. I asked Tarmo if he already gets excited and nervous and he said yes. He worries that what will he do in here when I'm gone. Cute. I won't have to worry what I'll do but I do worry what he'll do. I don't wan him just to sit at home waiting for me. Or waiting to come to US to spend Christmas with me (that is what I'm already waiting for). Though I do know that after the first days and weeks he'll get used to it and he'll live just as normal life as before, maybe hanging out more with his friends.

By the way, Taru called me this morning. Mom and dad weren't invited to Laura's confirmation and party but I and Tarmo were. We couldn't go there unfortunately. But it was funny, she talked me with all the issues she usually talks with mom. It's just that now she couldn't call to mom because she talked mostly of the party where my parents weren't invited. I know that especially mom was offended by that and I think she has all the reasons to get offended. After all mom is close to them. And even though mom says she's not THAT offended, I know she is. I'm too for her... And I don't know why they weren't invited. Nor does she. Usually they go to all parties and they love Mira and Laura both very much. Just another thing that I don't understand. Not that I would understand many things in any case, muaha!

It's so hot. And beautiful weather. But I don't want to go outside because there it's even hotter and I only get burned. Even kitties are all sleepy. But nice weather for my vacation.

We still should clean the house and do some laundry. I think we'll do those on Wednesday and tomorrow we'll go to buy vacuum cleaner pouches. And I really should edit the pics by tomorrow... Maybe I'll do that this evening/night. Now I'm not in the mood.

Leaving Party and Butterflies

Omg! I just got a swarm of butterflies into my tummy. I added this counter application to my facebook site and it says 5 days! It can't be!

Yesterday was fun. We jumped again with jump-rope and barbecued and got drunk and went to Rentukka and then back to our place. I also called Jesse and got a good laugh when he asked (and we talked about my thesis) "can I have a testicle cancer in my brains?". I laughed so much!

J-P and Maria are so cute... at the background we're jumping.

Me, Kirsikka and Reija

Me and Kirsikka dancing, after this song Kirsikka bended me back too much and I spilled our drinks over my computer (luckily not over my laptop).

And it's funny, we went to sleep at 4 am which is only hour later than we usually go to sleep! And woke up at noon which is also normal in these days. And I'm not having hang over because I drunk water (about 2 liters) before I went to bed. And that's good.

5 days!!! I can imagine being abroad but I can't imagine traveling alone there... But I can still remember how it was so exciting to travel by train to Tampere and back for the first times. Muaha! Or to Savonlinna and I had to change to bus and I had never traveled there before. It's not that it's not exciting to travel with someone, but alone! I don't know why it's such a big deal. Maybe because I've used to be with Tarmo everywhere I go. Or that I'm not that experienced in traveling and I fear that I get lost (right...) or confused (could happen!) or I get so nervous that I can't speak English (right...) or I miss my flight (so what?) or or... I still know that this will develop me and I want to experience this. But it still scares me.
I know that traveling alone doesn't mean that I won't be social or get company on my way, I know that I will look so frightened that someone more experienced will come and chat with me, muaha! No, I mean that I'm so social that I'll chat with people anyway and that'll relieve my fears. I know that there will be other people who are just in the same situation that I'm in. And it's no point thinking (seriously) what if questions. If something happens then it happens.

I'm not so nervous about actually being at Iowa, not knowing anyone. Well, I almost know someones there. But whole new environment doesn't make me nervous. I know that there are so many other people who I'll meet who are just in the same situation, and I know how to get to the hotel, I'll get my breakfast there on Saturday morning and then my temporary roommate Paola will come and then, then we'll go to check out the city or something. But then I have someone who I can talk with. And it's not that I couldn't go and check out the city by myself but it's the company. And still the airports scare me. Not the flying itself but the airports. All the security checks make me nervous (as they're supposed to do I think) and as being control freak I fear that my tickets are wrong (aren't), my bags include something prohibited (don't), flights will be late (matters only if the flight from Helsinki to Dublin is hours late) or or or... And here I go again.

But still I need to think about these things. I still wait when I'll start crying to Tarmo that I'll miss him, I don't want to leave him and our cats and home, I want him to come with me. The hardest part of this exchange thing is that we'll be separated for four-five months. We're so close to each other and we are used to cuddle, chat and just be with each other every day. We'll still talk to each other every day in the internet but it's not the same. I need comfort and Tarmo gives it to me. But we'll manage. I can only wait the Christmas when he comes there.
And the kitties. I will miss them too, I'm so used to someone soft and warm to curl around my leg or back when I take nap or some black tail to sweep me now and then. Sigh. I will miss my friends and family too. But then again, it's only half a year. It goes by so fast and then I'm suddenly back.

I did this choice to go overseas. I did this choice to miss everyone (not that I could make a choice not to miss anyone, muaha). This is one of my dream come true. Oh I get so excited!

Today is going to be a hang over day though I don't have hang over. This means that I don't need to dress up or go to anywhere. I can just relax. Nice.

Dream Bag

Now how come everyone dies at the same time??? My mothers cousins dad just died. Olavi's brother. Sigh. But he (hopefully) is last of that generation, now there shouldn't be anyone who'd pass away of old age. He wasn't so close to me though that doesn't mean that I wouldn't mourn him.

I realized yesterday while I checked my flights (and realized that I really can't check them earlier that 48h before the departure) that I have a problem. I was supposed to carry with me a small suitcase, laptop bag and handbag. BUT I can have only my small suitcase AND ONE personal item which is laptop bag OR handbag... So I'll have to leave my handbag away and try to fit my papers etc stuff in that suitcase and it can weight only 6kg! My laptop is so heavy that I can't put it in the suitcase and the laptop bag is so small that I can't put my handbag stuff there. Did I explain my situation clear enough? I'm in trouble! I can't leave without handbag! Where am I supposed to carry my items when I'm in US? I could buy a new bag but I need time to find a PERFECT bag (though I'm bagaholic, I won't buy just ANY bag). Though if I leave my bag home that'd be a good reason to try to find my dream bag... I already found one from Helsinki but it cost over 100€... And I've been trying to find one almost a year! It's like this:
BUT brown and bigger and it has smocking like this bag:

And yes, I really have seen one! So my dream bag exists! Sigh. I feel so superficial. Muaha! Which reminds me of my another problem. My hairdryer. I can't take it either with me. I didn't pack it before because I thought it had fit into my suitcase but it turned out that it doesn't fit. But that isn't that big problem. My hairdryer isn't so good anymore so I'd need to buy new one anyway sometime... But the bag... By the way, these bags are Daniel Ray bags if someone wants to know.

I packed my suitcase yesterday and weighted it, I got 1kg away by leaving some papers away but it still weights 1kg too much. But I thought that I'll try again next week. Thought there isn't much stuff that I can leave anymore... I need to survive one week with that bag (and its contents) so I can't just leave clothes away (and I don't have many in that bag). And my cosmetics include only must-haves like shampoo etc and they're all samples! But I'll worry that again next week. My bag just weights alone so much... But I can't buy new one because I already have this one, it's red and I got it from my friends as a gift and I want to use it because it reminds me of my friends. Oh why is this so complicated?? And it really isn't, I just make it complicated.

But now that I wrote it down, maybe I'll leave my handbag and buy new one from Iowa. I'll buy new bags anyway, muaha! Yes. That I'll do. The bag weights quite much anyway... Problem solved.

It's beautiful weather outside, it's been ages since there was that beautiful and warm weather! And that suites me because I'm having my leaving party today and I'll keep it outside! We'll barbecue and when it gets cold and late we'll go to Rentukka.

And last but not least, me. I got ready almost an hour ago, still another to go before the party starts! I just needed to take a pic where my hair and makeup is fresh. Muaha! And I don't know why but it looks like my eyebrow had a scar. Though it is kind of bold from that spot, has always been. But there's no scar. But I kind of like it.

On Vacation

I felt so grown up today! I was at the bank and I got some dollars and travelers checks. I've never had checks before. And I've never changed money at bank. I had to take a pic of my new money, muaha!


I used as a background our new pillowcases and pillows! I've been supposed to buy new pillows for ages since the old ones were quite bad already and then I had really wakening moment when we slept at Ilona's. Her pillows were so perfect that I thought, now! And they were expensive, 70€ each, but at 70% discount! I also bought pillowcases for them and new curtains to bedroom!


I'd like to have new shower curtain too because kitties tore the old one and it looks ugly. But I couldn't find any nice shower curtains! So I didn't buy new one.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm about to move away for six months and I can soon decorate my new room, but now I got this weird decoration boost and I'd like to have all kinds of new stuff in here! I already found sofa, tv surface, shelves, coffee table, dinner table and chairs, night table... Which means that I already renewed our house totally. I also dream of new curtains to our livingroom and new carpet... But I think we'll start to look those things when we get money somewhere. Tarmo already said that he trusts in my taste so that means no fighting! Muaha!

Yesterday we had a meeting where we went through my work. I didn't have enough time to go through all my pics but we wouldn't have had enough time to go through all of them anyway. But it cheered me up because I indeed got some results! I hadn't realized those things before, not that I had much time to think my work... I still need to edit the last pics and send Tuula some pics, then it's all done. But that can wait, I'm on vacation now!!! Finally!!! I washed our fridge and I thought I'd go through my exchange papers too today, or tonight. On Saturday I'll have my leaving party at our backyard. Then I'll just relax and enjoy Tarmo and kitties.

In a week I'll be at Iowa! Awful! Yet still wonderful! I still should call and reserve the transportation from the airport to the hotel and check my flights and pack bags. And check where I should be and what time when the orientation starts. I got a new ticket to my student card and there were lots of exchange students too. My tummy started to prickle...

But now I get back to arranging our stuff...

Feeling Better

Phew, I just had a nice migraine. My fingers went numb, as went my tongue and throat. Then the headache hit and even painkiller wouldn't help. I tried to do some editing with my photos but I couldn't stare the screen for long. Finally I went to sleep, slept almost and hour and now it's better. But my motivation is too low. I'd just want to relax. But that'll be soon.

During the weekend I read Harry Potter and the Deadly Hallows! On Friday we left to Tampere and I bought the book on our way there. On Saturday we went to this nice bar and some of my friends came there (though some of them didn't and I feel sad because of that though I know the must've had something else to do). But I had fun. And after all it's only half a year I'm away. We don't see each other anyway often.

But here's some pics from the evening.

Me and Ilona at her place (which was beautiful)

Tarmo and me (always so peaceful)

And I love this pic, Tarmo and me again. Quite drunk already.

We has so much fun that night. We went to sleet at Ilona's and slept well. My parents couch wasn't so comfortable and we slept that night badly the other night at Tampere. On Sunday we came back home. We had a friend who looked after the kitties, they were good, not a problem at all. So it's not that big thing to leave them alone over a weekend if someone just comes and sees them twice a day. Though I don't prefer that solution but sometimes there's no other way.

I'd need to edit about 1500 pics for Wednesday. My cell pics I mean. I'll just need to sit by my laptop the whole day tomorrow. I still have post migraine feeling.

But so, I read Harry Potter. No worries, I'm not going to spoil. It was nice reading. I sat my nose buried in that book all the time I could. Though I had to get it finished during the weekend so that I'd had time to edit my pics.

Ilona's place was beautiful. She lives in this old house and though it was a small place it looked so like her. Neat, white and brown, nice green couch, elegant. Now I want a sofa in here too really badly! But we don't have enough money to buy one now. So it'll have to wait. I dream of buying new sofa, bookshelf and some other objects. But maybe only after I get some money from somewhere (meaning salary).

It's not even two weeks and I'm gone! Awful! I still need to get the pics out of my to dos before I can start to think the exchange more. I need to go to bank and call a transportation for Iowa, the almost all should be in order. I also should clean out house throughly before I leave.

But now back to the pics. I still have much to do with them tonight. Luckily my day rhythm has changed, I stay up 3 am and wake up 11 am. Good.

I still need to say that I felt so much better last Friday when I put all my cells away. No more lab!

My Past

Muaha, I just found my old old blog I wrote when I had just moved in Jyväskylä. Oh god I was such a partygirl! Almost every weekend at bar. How could I afford that??? Well, I had been working last summer so maybe I had money. And I was lonely. I see it only now. I'm so much happier and more balanced than ever.

And my stress is beginning to ease. Though I'm now sick, luckily I had only two really bad days (fever and still 9 hours at the lab). I'm better now, still coughing and my throat is sore. Still one week to go with the work, not so long hours which is more that good. I'll survive as I said. And I'm happy that I did this much work.

I heard that the last Harry Potter has been published! I thought it'd come out tomorrow. I try to get it as soon as possible. Maybe I could read it next week. Or the week after that.

Tarmos mom and her husband will come here tonight. And my parents visited yesterday. and next weekend we'll go to Tampere.

I'm still thinking my earlier blog. My life was only reading, bar and tv. Well not only, I had friends but I realize now that I still was lonely. But what else could I feel? I'd just ended my long relationship, had moved to a new city ans started whole new life. But I must say, I did enjoy my single life, at least most of it. I do feel better now with Tarmo but I needed that time. And I'm glad that I experienced that all. My biggest fear was that I'd turn up cold but I didn't. It was fun to read my thoughts two years ago and to notice how much I've changed. I am adult now and I've developed much emotionally. And I feel more secure now. I don't stress up so much of exams (though I should) and I've calmed down. But isn't that what happens when one gets in a relationship? Though I'm much poorer now so I can't afford to go to bars every weekend.

But enough of my past life. Lets think my future.
I chatted with Saana last night and I realized that I'm starting to think the excange more and more. Now I have the time to think about it. I start to be nervous about the flights (well I'm not nervous now but every time I think of them, I get nervous). How do I find all the desks? I've been traveling so little especially by plain, so I fear airports a bit. Though I know I'll manage, I can speak and I'm not afraid to ask someones help if I need it. And luckily I'm women so people are more friendly towards me. At least I believe so. I'll just look innocent and frightened so that they'll just feel sorry for me and help me. Muaha!

I'll try to wake up at 11 am beginning next week. Then I've turned my dayschedule four hours. And the last week I'll try to wake up at 12 am. I believe that's the point I just can't sleep later.

This text is beginning to be just a stream of consciousness so I'll stop writing now. In a hour there will be this movie I'll watch. Hope the next week goes fast! I want to stay home!

I'm Cracking Up

Oh I'm so tired.

I don't know why but Tuula has some kind of stressing influence on me. Every time I talk to her I just get more and more stressed. She doesn't seem to get it that I really have enough work to do. She has said herself that she hasn't been in the lab for a years and I believe she has forgotten that even a little things take time.

I made these tests for her and she forgot to mention some important things about them and it took several hours to figure them out and because of that I couldn't take pics of my own cell things and because of that I now have too many object glasses to shoot. And it stresses me more. I should shoot them in order to get some results and I need the results now to know what to do next.

And I think she got angry with me today. I was in a hell of a hurry and she'd already messaged me and I hadn't had the time to read all the messages and then she calls, the phone is right beside me and there is other person at the lab too so I answer and say quickly that I don't have time to talk now, call later, bye. Then I get a message: I'm not calling. WHAT THE HELL??? Then don't. I don't care. Well I do and I get sad if someone is mean to me. Because I could tell that she got offended or something and got angry. Well I am sorry but I was in a hurry and I couldn't speak!!! It pissed me off so much that if I had been alone I would've cried.
I know that she just tried to help me because I just had said her that I'm missing some dyes. But she was supposed to be at the university today and she didn't come (we should've had a meeting) and she asked if I'd need her and I answered that not necessarily (I didn't want her to come just for me cause I know she'd want to be home). Argh! Then I messaged her back few hours later (when I had time to write her) and said some things where she usually replies but now nothing. So I know that she's insulted. And so am I! But I'm just me and I won't say anything. But I know that if she says something tomorrow, I'll have to leave her room cause I'm so stressed that I'll get tears in my eye just for nothing. And this stresses me even more!

Luckily Reija helps me. If there wasn't her, I'd die. But I don't want to bother her too much. Just now I hang on because I know in a week I don't have to go to the university every fucking day. Then I just need to think what I've done and why and make some pics and charts... But then I can be at home.

I don't know why I'm starting to get a burn out (again) now... I'm so close finishing my tests and I do have all the material (in the form of experiments) I need for my thesis, I don't need to write it now and if I need to, I can do some extra experiments later. So why am I cracking up now?? Everything is perfect at home so it's not that either. Everything is fine with friends too. Why??? I feel like I'm so weak that I can't handle the pressure. And I'm getting a flu. I'm sure the first day I stay at home, I get a fever and I can't do anything.

I've been updating the official lab book too, I'm only a week behind (and that is 20 pages). I'll try to get it on date today. Then I should use my evenings after lab to do all the charts ready (not a big thing really) and retouch hundreds of pics (a big thing really). And all this before August. I plan to do NOTHING RELATED TO WORK on August. I need a vacation and I'm going to take it too. Muaha!

Still two weeks... I'll manage. I have to. I will.

Visa, Funeral and Party

I got my visa today! So another big thing under control.

I've been checking so many times for how long I really can be in the States. And I finally found a page where it is said clearly enough so that I don't worry anymore. It's just that in every place it says that one can stay in the US as long as is said in the visa. And it's 31 Dec in my case! I remember clearly that I've read many times that it's that time plus 30 days. But all I could find from the embassy's pages was that how much earlier I can enter US! But now I used half an hour to really find it. And here it is:

The initial admission of an exchange visitor, spouse and children may not exceed the period specified on Form DS-2019, plus a period of 30 days for the purpose of travel. The 30-day grace or travel status period is intended to be a period following the end of the exchange visitor’s program and is to be used for domestic travel and/or to prepare for and depart from the U.S., and for no other purpose.

From here.

So, now I stop worrying about that. It says so in my blog and I'm always right, right? (Please Kirsikka, leave a comment). Muaha!

And the funeral is over too. It's funny that before the funeral I cried once when I heard that grandmom had died (if the one time isn't counted, I cried when I thought she'd going to die last Fall), and once at the funeral (well almost all the time at the chapel). Then I felt relieved. It was over. The ceremony as it self was boring. There weren't any Karelian pasties!!!! Who cares if they had been bought from some shop??? Grandmom ALWAYS made them! Bah. And all the relatives from that side are lunatic. Well, almost all. Most of them.
One of her children is the craziest. She was there AND wrote an address where was something like this "Mom, sorry mom, you were important blaa blaa". Oh, so strange! They were always fighting (mom says there's gotta be something at the background, no-one can be that angry with ones mom!) and now she was so regretting and all. And everyone could see it's only a fake show. She's just so weird. She is! Her kids couldn't come there because they are having some fight (that has lasted as long as I can remember)... I just can't understand. I hope I don't have to invite them to any parties! I do hope so though if I'm going to have any party (meaning wedding or something, which means that at least SHE should have died.. she's over 70... mean but still...) I need to invite them. I'm not going to participate in their fights, as long as they don't fight in my party!

I'd post a pic of grandmoms coffin but I don't consider it acceptable. So I won't.

After the funeral we got back home and I left almost immediately back at lab, did some cell things and got back home. After that we went to Emmi's and Elina's birthday party. I had booze from the midsummers and took it with me. And drank it all. Plus the punch. Though not all of it. Muaha. Then I felt like partying and went to Karma where the sock sweat and urine smelled (not nice) and the floor was all sticky. But we spent some hours there, and I even danced! And drank three ciders. And water. After that we went to get some pizza and walked home with Kirsikka. I had a really good night and after being a bit quiet at the sisters place (Elinas actually) I felt nice. We spoke english at the pizza place and it was fun. I have no idea what time it was when I got to bed, my watch is at clockmaker. Next day I woke up at 9 am and couldn't sleep because I knew my parents would be here in a few hours (they were going to my aunts cottage, it's about an hour and a half drive from here). We had time to clean the house (the usual Sunday cleaning) and to recover a bit. I had a slight hangover. But not too bad. Now I can be sober for a month. Well, three weeks. Then I'm going to Tampere to celebrate my leaving with some friends and after that the next weekend I'm going to celebrate it again in here.

Oh, I just realized that I'm going to leave in a month! It can't be so soon...

And my cells... I don't have enough time to repeat my experiments as many times as I'd like to and would be recommended but I just need to cope with that. If I'm hard working, I'll get my experiments done in a three weeks. Then I'll have few days to think what I've done and few days off too. The latter one sounds quite nice.

And the final thing in this blog entry; I hate this summer! I mean the weather. It's nothing but rain and gray sky! It makes me feel tired!

I still had something to say but I forgot it so it must be nothing interesting. Oh now I remember, I turned one watch in our house to display the Iowa time. Now I don't feel so bad when waking up and staying up late. Handy.

Visa Interview

I had my visa interview yesterday and it was quite scary! Not really. The security protocol there was the scary thing.

So I left on Monday to Tampere, missed the train I was supposed to go by, got late at my parents house, went late to bed and slept about three hours. At 3.30 am I woke up to make coffee and our bus to the train left 4.50 am and the train left 5.33 am. Too early! So we were at Helsinki at 7 am and walked to the embassy area. It was beautiful and when we reached our destination, the US embassy, there was right away a policeman (quite handsome one) questioning us, who were we, what were we doing there and I had to show my applications and passport. Then he said that we should go to some cafe to wait until it's 9 am. So we walked to the beach (harbor actually) but the cafe was open only after 9 am. And mom got a call from her cousin who told that their other cousins husband had just died. So she cried and was really sad. And she said I shouldn't comfort her or she will just cry. So I gave her a big hug and tried to cheer her up.
Then we walked back to the embassy and I got in exactly 9.05. I went through a security check, got escorted (by other handsome policeman) to the interview place and waited there for an hour! There were three desks and the interview people were all behind this glass and you talked with them via microphone (just like in prisons... or in movies, muaha) and everyone could hear what you said to them and what they said to you! The first desk checked my application and took it in. After about half an hour the second desk asked my finger prints (the device looked just like the ones which removes your fingerprints!) and finally the third desk asked me three questions: where will you study, what will you study and how long have you studied in university. And then I got escorted back (by the first handsome policeman), got my bag back and then it was it. It was quite fun (with my imagination).

After that we went shopping. And it was... exhausting. We had this list but finally we got only half of the things (and the list wasn't long!). We sought for FIVE hours a shirt for me for the funerals! There weren't ANY nice and conservative, black shirts anywhere!!! Well there were but then they cost like 100 €. Finally we found this nice dress for me (it was quite expensive though in sale). Then we tried to find some quiet pizza place but couldn't find one (mom wanted a pizza) so we went to some chicken fast food place, ate nuggets and tried to use our last hour finding the last things we were supposed to buy. But still we didn't get all. Then the last train left and I read a cosmo with a BIG cup of coffee in front of me, changed train in Tampere (which luckily waited our late train) and got home 10 pm. And I was so exhausted!!! I couldn't even go to shower and I'm still tired. But my things to do -list is now one thing shorter. Visa in order, it should be here by tomorrow or Friday.

Last week on Sunday we had our anniversary and we went to eat to Banthai (surprise surprise). The food was (as usual) delicious. After that we went to home and just relaxed the rest of the day.

Tomorrow I'll have hard day again. I need to do hundred different things and I hope I can keep all of them in my head so that I'll do them also! I will.

And on Saturday we'll go to the funerals.

Rough week. Luckily it's already Wednesday, halfway through the week.

We'll go soon to downtown and find Tarmo a dress shirt and a tie for the funerals and some other things and then we'll go to Waynes Coffee for a chocolate coffee and big chocolate muffin!

Stress

I fucking messed up with my cells. Damned!

Well not really badly but still it pisses me off. Yesterday was a good day. I did a lot at lab an read a bit. But at night about 4.30 am I suddenly wake up eyes wide open - shit! I forgot to put cells in multiwells! What will I do now? I can't do any staining!!! I was up two hours and it took all that time to realize that it's really not that bad mistake. But I kept swearing how stupid I am and how can I forget such a thing. I finally fell asleep but woke really tired. And still pissed. I send Tuula a message where I said that there will be no cell dyeing this or next week. I also said that maybe it's good. If I can't remember a simple thing and concentrate enough to seed my cells at all needed plates, maybe it's not good to do hundred different experiments at the same time. She agreed.
And besides I still have four weeks time, and in that time I can still do the experiments three times. So no big harm. I still have a lot work to do, 100 plates to shoot and count. And in these plates I'll have four different cells and eight different treatments. So I believe that's enough for one week. And I still have one extra week if I need one, though then I won't have any free time... So I hope I can do all my experiments in a month.

And now next week isn't so stressful for me. On Tuesday I need to go to Helsinki for my visa interview and on Saturday we need to go to Tampere (grandmothers funerals). And on both of these days I'd have work to do and it would've been Reija who had done them. And now she doesn't need to stain the cells (and I would've wanted to do those because my cells don't play with me and the colors I use). So now she only needs to take pics and count the cells on Tuesday and on Saturday I need to come to work after the funerals, I need to shoot some pics, count the cells and do some apoptosis tests... Sigh.
And I would like just to be at home and do my work but I fucking have to travel around Finland. Maybe it's good to leave this environment just for a couple of hours, I don't know why I stress so much in here. Maybe it's because I would like to hang around home and be with Tarmo and cats as much as I can before I leave, because I start to realize that I'll be gone for half a year and because my experiments don't go well. I'd like to get all results before I leave and get some kind of conception what I've done and why.

These times I just hope I could do a meaningless job, where I could just do my work and wouldn't need to think anything. But I've done that job for six months in my life and I got bored! It's not for me. I love research. It's my dream job. I try to enjoy it. It's just that I'd need to get all results so soon. Luckily I was clever enough when I scheduled my masters thesis, I said I'd be ready only next spring. And it will.

I'll go home now to sleep with cats.

I Love My Man!

Oh I just love my man!!!

I am home alone and listen music from his computer and suddenly one sad song (Tori Amos - Bonny and Clyde) stops and there comes my song!!! (Seminaarimäen mieslaulajat - Taina)

He did some mystic things at the university and took the winamp under his control (windows remote desktop he says) and ahhh. Tears came into my eyes, I was so touched.

Sigh. I just love that man.

Midsummer

It was fun. We left on Thursday at 9 am, went to pizza, bought some groceries and at 2 pm we were there. We sang a bit before all the others arrived, then we ate and jumped with a rope! It was so fun that we had to buy another one too. And our legs got really sore but it didn't bother us at all. We ate too much and more. Four days went too fast and I could've been there few days more though it was nice to return home. And the whole time everyone were nice, we needed only one comment on someones behavior but after that it was quite nice. Weather could've been a bit warmer and sunnier but it was ok. We were quite a lot outside and the mosquitoes were a nuisance. But all in all the trip was really nice. I relaxed and didn't think work at all. Here's some pics:

Jump baby jump!

Still jumping.

I also tested my camera under water.

Some nice scenery at night.

Bonfire.

And still jumping.


I needed to test this video thing. J-P greets the others and some jumping.

I was really confused today. I was going to do wrong works and didn't remember what I should have been doing. But I did all things that I could do, I was supposed to take some photos but the computer said I didn't have enough space and I couldn't take any pics. I'll try again on Thursday. Tomorrow I'll stay home and edit some pics and try to write something.

Dyeing and Midsummer

We'll go to Tarmos parents cottage next weekend to celebrate Midsummer. There will be 10 people. Kitties will go to Tarmos mom. Can't wait!

I shot some pics of this family and they'll pay me for that! I still should do some work for them but I haven't got the time. I already worked with my cell pics several hours today. I did some dyeing and got some dim results. I'll use stronger concentrations tomorrow.

SH-SY5Y

This pic isn't informative but pretty. I had to learn all by my self how to make these pics from BW pics. It took few hours too last night. But now I know how to do it!

My day rhythm is funny. I've always been able to wake early but now I'm up until midnight and all tired at morning (I still wake up every day at 7 am). But I'll fix that starting next week. I'll try to invert my day schedule as much as I can. Then it'll be easier to go to US and (I hope) then the jet lag won't be that terrible. Eight hours backwards. I'd be happy to make even few hours change.

But we'll go to BBQ and chat about next weekend at our back yard.

She slept away today.

100th Post

Miracle!

Oh this just can't be true!!!
Grandmom will survive. They were injecting contrast matter in her and the blockage opened!!! Mom said she's live and kicking. Muaha. My super grandmother!

But now the issue is where she'll stay. She can't live alone anymore without constant supervision. I think she'll be hospitalized and that would be good. She's still weak but won't die in a days.

I can't do nothing but laugh. If someone survives from intestinal blockage, thats grand mom. It almost killed my mom and she was young and healthy then!

I just can't believe this. Unbelievable.

Now I'm in a good mood again.

And my apoptosis test worked well! NOW the dying went well and we got perfect pics. If only I just hadn't messed up with the concentrations, they would be perfect. Though I'll do them anyway again, the nanotubes will be needed to solve in some solvent we haven't figured out yet. And I played with my cells today in a such a way that I don't need to wake up at 4am next week when we need to leave at 9am to party midsummer into Tarmo's cottage.

And I went through my closets today because we'll reserve a table from a flea market to sell our stuff. I marked these words into my brain "Lose everything you can't remember when you have worn them last time, you'll get new ones from US". Muaha.

Super!

Grandmother

Grandmom is dying.

She got hospitalized last weekend because hes intestine got blocked up. She has the hospital bacteria so there will be no surgery. And even if there would be, she wouldn't survive. She's after all almost 100 years old (97 if I remember correctly). Mom says she won't last longer than three days.

I'm sad. Yet I feel that there will be better place for her. She got bitterer and nastier every year (she lived through war and her husband chased her with a knife around their house, so I don't wonder her moods) and she can't see or hear very well anymore. Not to mention the hallucinations she got. She didn't recognize her kids or other relatives and saw maggots in her ceiling and dead man in the backyard (and rats in the closet).

We thought that she had died already last time she had pneumonia but she survived from that. I cried a lot so I guess that's why I don't cry now. At least now. And I can't understand this yet.

Friend Gone

Many things done.

Flights are now (finally) in order, Tarmo will come to US via Amsterdam and stay one night there. He'll be at Tennessee at 20:30 if I remember correctly. When it's time, I'll try to book my flight to Tennessee about that time too. So we'll go to our hotel (or whatever) same time.

Which reminds me that I should start to look some houses/rooms that are rent. We'll rent a room for us because it will be more convenient that way to us and won't cost too much (I hope). If I just find some room that will be near the university, we don't have a car to use there. But we'll figure out something.

My visa should be ok too, I filled some forms (and it was a hell). I spent two hours filling the forms and trying to call to our international services office to ask some questions about the form. But there were no one who could help me. The officer said I should try later, so I went to eat and tried again. She said they have some meeting and after that there should be someone. So finally I got answers to my questions and filled the forms completely. After that firefox jammed. My other form wouldn't print out and acrobat reader jammed too. So I restarted it and filled the forms again. And same thing again. I was so nervous and mad! Tarmo came to rescue me while I was filling my forms for the second time and after I lost it. We tried to fill the forms via explorer but still I had problems to proceed with the other form (I did get the other form out though). I had to go to walk a bit to calm my self down and Tarmo tried to fix the computer. Finally at 3pm I got all the forms (and I started to fill them after 9am) and paid all fees and reserved an interview.
But I was so tired! I was supposed to do some apoptosis tests but I couldn't do that so I reserved the laminar for this day. I slept a bit and Tarmo bought us some candy. Have I ever told how cute he is! If he hadn't come there and helped me, I would have never finished the forms and would have ended up to some mental institution. Muaha! But really, I mean it. After I typed my information to the forms for the fourth time he checked that they all went right. I was so tired.

I don't understand it. Why did I get so tired about that? Maybe it was so stressful and I should have done some other things too that day. And it's not that the form was hard to fill, it's the computers. They seem always (well quite often) fail me when it's something I must do just that moment and I can't do home. This time I needed the printer and had to fill the forms at university for that reason. If I had been home, I'd have thrown the PC out of the window.

But, flights are in order and visa is almost in order. I'll have the interview next month.

I have some bad news too. Saana left. Snif.
She came to Jyväskylä to finish her courses and spent one night at our place. We went to terrace and to picnic. Next day we went to university to finish up things (that was the day I was fighting with the visa thing). We went eating and quite soon from there she left to her train back home. I knew all day that she'd go but when she was leaving, it happened so quickly. I hardly had time to say goodbye. Which is good, I would have cried. I almost did when she left but then I had to call about the visa.
Tarmo conformed me when I said I was sad. He said "You'll have skype and we can go and visit her". She will study at Ireland and we thought we could go there next summer for a vacation. She agreed. Nice!
But I miss her already! She is one of my best friends and even though we are quite different (and then again, we aren't), so I'm not surprised about my sorrow. I'm happy for her, I know she really wanted to go to study all those whale things (muaha) and she didn't like to be in Finland. And now I have one place to go to vacation for a reason! And it's always nice to have friends all over the world. I know we'll stay in touch. She's too valuable to lose.
But now I get all emotional, I better stop this issue here.

So, I went to do some apoptosis test today. The weather was (and is still) so good that I thought we should go out to do something with Tarmo. So we went to grill and ate in our backyard and after that rested for some time laying in the sun. But I'm so sensitive to sun so we couldn't be there too long. But we were there long enough to get my hands all red (though not burned, luckily). After that I reorganized my exchange papers and made do-list. Not much to do anymore. Some little details (including sending some of my stuff to US and getting the damned visa).
I realized I'll be in Finland only for two months anymore. I'll be leaving so soon! I know that this time will go fast, I'll be doing my masters thesis work intensively, I'll need to go to Tampere for that too and arrange leaving party one weekend (next month) and go to Tampere one weekend to see all my friend there too. And I really don't know how I can arrange all this time, I'm going to do all kinds of tests to my cells almost every day! Not to mention all the reading and writing I should do.
But no panic. This is why I scheduled my work to be done ready next Spring. I will not do it badly.

Oh it's so hot! I can't concentrate. I'll go and do something not related to thinking.

ps. Vepa dyed my hair and I love my new red hair!!! She put some stripes on it too, but I don't have any pics about it yet. But here's one pic of me and Saana.

Saana and me

ps. my arm looks like some animals leg. Muaha!

Fuck Kilroy!

MOAN MOAN MOAN!

Fucking Kilroy. They say that they'll cancel our flights if there is no flights for Tarmo. And Blue1 haven't announced their flights yet to Dublin and all the other flights to US will include at least three stops (now two) which wouldn't be nice at all. So if we don't book flights for Tarmo like by tomorrow, they'll cancel the flights and charge us 35€ per ticket!!!!!!!!

Fuck them! We've booked flights in USA and form New York to Dublin without problems and now there's suddenly a problem!

I'm so pissed!

We just need to wait and hope that Kilroy provides us some flights by tomorrow. Argh!

Of course I'll look some alternatives too but this is still unfair that we have to pay almost 100 euros for nothing!!!

Still Bad Flights

Still not right.

I can't book our flights because Tarmo doesn't still have his flights to USA. So we should book the first. But because I don't know which day my last exam is and when I'll go to Tennessee, we haven't booked flights for him. But now we should do so.

Now, that's not a big problem. I'll leave Iowa the last day when I can and that's 21st December. Tarmo will come to USA on the same day. No problem. I tried to look as simple flights for him as possible (and that is three flights max). And found flights from Dublin to New York and from there to Tennessee. But no flights from Finland to Dublin!!! I know Blue1 flies there but it doesn't show any flights yet. And there is no other direct and cheap flights to Dublin.

Not nice at all!

Since we don't know if Tarmo is able to go to Dublin on the same morning (staying night there is too expensive) we can't book the other flights either.

I still send an e-mail to Kilroy and asked if they could see some direct and cheap flights to Dublin and gave them the other flights too that I found for him. So I just wait an e-mail from them and hope that we could have the flights I already paid!!!

Annoying.

By the way, I did set up new blog for my exchange, I found this travelers blog where there is a map which shows all the palaces I visit. Quite handy and nice! I'll announce this new blog when it is time. Still two months to go.

And it's hot here and I played with my cells today, three hours on the lab! That must me my record. Usually it takes maximum two hours. And if Reija wouldn't have come it would have been four hours. But I did a lot today. Ampulled and stuff.

And now I have some weird phase. Usually I haven't been able to read efficiently at home but now I can't read at the university. Library is too short time open and the main library is boring (I don't like it) and at university there is too many people to chat with. I can't read there anymore! So I want to come home to read. And because of that we came home early (well, not so early, we still spent 6 hours at university) yesterday and today.

But now, the reading. I just had to write my aggressions about the flights so that I could concentrate on reading. Muaha!

Bad Flights

Luckily I noticed this!!! One of our flight wasn't booked!!! I wondered why there hadn't come a payment for it but it turned out that there is no flight!

This was all my fault because I thought Kilroys flexible flight would be such a kind that you could pay it later since I didn't get any bill. But it wasn't so and so we didn't have any flights to come home on January! But luckily I had already looked good flights and they changed only a bit. Still going through Copenhagen when we come home from USA (and Dublin). Only the change between the flights in Copenhagen is two hours longer. There was no earlier flight (which I had thought I had booked). But that's not a big deal.

But NOW I've payed them and they should be ok. And I also found out that I can't order ISIC card because it'd be only for this year and I need it next year! But that fixed with IYTC card. Complicated. It's 5 euros more expensive than ISIC but it'll be valid for a year. So those things should now be in order.

For the exchange I still should go to see a doctor to get my pills recipe and vaccination and other stuff in english. And visa. But for that I need some paper from ISEP which I still haven't got. And print out my official records. And reserve hotel for the first weekend since I can't go to Burge Hall's temporary accommodation until Monday (if there's space). And reserve a shuttle bus to Iowa too from the airport. And I should call!!! I hate calling! It's so expensive!
And mail my stuff to Iowa because I can't take it with me. And go to bank to get money and checks. And some documents from my insurance company.

And that should be it. At least I think so.

We should have played today but one of our friends didn't show up and we would have needed him. And I could've been in a bar talking about our fight with ecologists (not a real fight really). I was there an hour before I had to leave to play. But now I could reserve our flights and plan tomorrows cell things. And go sleep early. It's hot and I'm sleepy. I think I should start a new blog for my exchange period. I'll just find some nice one.

I've started to think the exchange again. And I'm excited.

Relaxing weekend at countryside

Last weekend was great!

Tarmo's mom was here and we gave kitties with her when she left home and went on Thursday to Savonranta. We visited Tarmo's grandparents and went to his cottage. And it was so relaxing! We slept 12 hours, went to sauna and I even jumped into (really cold) lake! We cooked and read books. Next day we went back to Savonranta and came home today. Weather was nice! And kitties enjoyed the countryside too. At least I hope so. Muaha!

The cottage

Lake scenery

We wondered how the kitties let us sleep in peace and this was why. They had found Tarmo's moms threads. It was so nice to roll them back. And of course kitties wanted to help with cleaning!

And I fell in love with Tarmo's moms new kitchen. I love the colors and that thing in the middle! I'm too tired to even think its Finnish name. The bus was hot and noisy and the kitties kept beeping almost all the way home. Or Neko beeped. She was so upset, poor thing. It was too hot to travel for them. But now it's nice to be back home.

And Pollo ate a bee. But luckily it didn't sting him.

And I rally should start to work beginning next week. And I will. I really needed this weekend. Now I'm not so tired of doing all things.

And I realized one thing a while ago. On Spring, when my menstruation wasn't right, I slept all the time. So maybe it was some kind of burn out or a big stress. Though I didn't realize it.

I had funny dream last night. I met (IRL) this girl from Germany who is also coming to Iowa next Fall (I've seen her photo once) and she was with me at Iowa (in the dream now). Iowa was in Helsinki and Tarmo was there too though only one day. I was surprised because I didn't have to share my room with someone else but had my own room. There was a bed and some chair but our desks were at living room (and they were way too small). We lived next to a monastery where we could rent a bike and there was a library too.

The monastery came to my dream because we went to Valamo's monastery on Saturday. It was a beautiful place but there wasn't anything more. But it was nice to sit in the car while Tarmo drove. I've always enjoyed traveling in a car. And traveling as it self.


But I'm too tired to write anything more. Not that much anything else had happened. Muaha!

Fun Times

So, long time no see.

The courses are over and report has been written. We still hope that we won't get it back all underlined with red. And I got tired with my cells and threw all them away. Not really. Though I did throw them away. But it was just because they started to look bad and I'll get new cells next week for my Masters Thesis. And I tried to look today my latest apoptosis experiments results but fucking fuck! They were still all fucked up. Background was awful, I could hardly see the stained nucleus! We finally concluded that it must be the coverslips. And so I'll do the experiments again. For a third time. Fuck! But this time with new cells. It started to piss me off that the old cells started to look bad and though I had separated the different morphologies they started to look wrong. I know what I blame or what I think is the reason. One is that I've used one sucking pipette for all cell types, one is the rush I've had (so I haven't concentrated well) and one reason I won't say.

So, we had a meeting today and discussed several hours about my coming experiments. I will be really busy. I've already abandoned my plans to get the thesis done before going to US. But of course I'll do as much as I can. I try to do the experiments so that I'd only need to write and read. I also abandoned my plans for vacation. No time for such. Maybe after few years. Muaha.

I was in Helsinki last Friday too at a meeting. It was fine a and fun. A gay guy (I mean it, he must have been gay!) slapped me at my butt and said "sorry" with a most gay voice I've ever heard. And he had this white jacket and brown golfers gloves (yes, gloves!) and his hair up and sun glasses. He was so in! Like right from some cover. But I just couldn't stop laughing. And he was with two girls. Can't understand. But it was so funny. And when I came home at night some other guy tried to be so charming and he just didn't success in it that I felt sorry for him. When the train came he opened the door and bowed and said "ladies first" but didn't realize that there were people coming out. So cute! But when I stepped in I thanked of course.

What else... We just came from grilling. We took kitties out again and they were so much braver than last time. We took a long trip with them (well went where they wanted). And now they're so tired! Should sleep well all night!

And Saana is here! So nice! She'll be here at least until tomorrow.

Oh I went yesterday to gym with Tarmo at morning and on afternoon to body and my muscles are acing so much! We'll go to gym again tomorrow. I try to lose some weight (very little though) and to get my tummy at least a bit smaller. Summer is coming and I realized how big it has grown! But it's nice to know I've done something. And it's good that I got Tarmo with me there.

And oh! I almost forgot! We had this course ending party and I got SO drunk! But it was SO fun! Here's some pics.

Reija and Me

Me laughing and and actually not posing.

Course mates. (Riikka is taking the pic.)

Tarmo and Riikka.

We actually found out that they might be relatives. Funny!

This is how drunk I was. I spilled Mikkos beer on my lap. All of them.

This is also one proof that I had few too much. Muaha!

What you mean by me posing? And Sira. Also drunk.

And that's all folks!