I Hate Locals

Yesterday was fine.

I'll not trust again to locals, at least in Vantaa. The train was fine though I didn't get a seat because the ticket machine wouldn't sell me a seat to pendolino. So I had to move few times after Tampere. At Tikkurila I found the bus right away. I asked if the driver knew the place and he was confused. When I showed him the map I got, he said he knew where I should leave the bus. But after me there came this guy who asked if the bus goes to the airport (it does) and the driver answered "yeah". Then he asked when it will be there and the driver replied "yeah". And I gulped.

On our way I saw the hotel which was marked on the map but there didn't seem to be a stop and soon the driver said I should go. A guy left on the same stop and I asked him if he would know where I should go. He was looking at the map and finally said I should go towards these buildings. And I thanked and started to walk there fast. I still had half an hour time before the course would start. After a while I started to doubt the guy. There was nothing! So I called to one of the people at Olympus. She didn't answer first but on the second time she did. I had already walked back to the starting point. And there was 15 minutes left. She said that I was too far away to walk there in time, she'd pick me up. And she did and I was right in time. Huh! So thanks to the bus driver and this guy, I had to bother this women! But she was nice. And if I had trusted to my brains, I'd probably ended in the right place. BUT, I still blame Olympus the most.

• They assume that everyone has their own car and by giving only an address everyone will find to place
• The map they gave didn't have enough streets, only two streets on every side of the building

And thanks to these, I didn't see the street I was on and got lost. And there was this road construction so one road was missing on the map. But I didn't miss anything and that's the main thing.

I got a cup of coffee and nice bread. The course had lectures which lasted for couple of hours and after that we went to lunch. And that was it! We didn't have the hands on teaching because all of us (six persons) had different softwares. I did learn some new things though so the course was not in vain. But still over 100 euros for thins course would be too much! Luckily it didn't cost anything for us. And our department will pay back my trips too.
AND, I got this Jamie Olivers Shaker! It's so cool! And very handy! And of course I got a certificate from it. So, not a bad trip.

And thanks to early ending I got time to surprise Mom. I stayed in Tampere for a few hours and spent some time with Mom. She was so happy. And I had nice time too! We went to coffee and she bought me nice shoes! And a new toy for kitties. They've already broken the last toy (same toy actually), it's their favorite! And I was back home at 8 pm. And I was really tired.

And I've had some time to play with the camera and phone, and they're nice! Really nice! I love the camera, it's so good! It takes good pics and I get much information from them with this program (which I don't like, I should've bought Olympuses picture card in order to use the program fully!!). I still need to learn how to use it, but I know some basic features of the camera now. And it was so fun, one of the first things was to play with it under water! Muaha!
And the phone is nice too. I really like it. And it came to my mind, that because it has radio in it, I can now listen to it instead of silence in the labs when I'm working with my cells! Nice!

I'm really happy with my shoppings. I got what I wanted.

But I need to go to sleep. I've noticed that I'm quite tired. I need to take few days of vacation after the course is over. I really need some rest. I get tired so easily and after 8 hours in the lab I'm exhausted. And I still would need to do reports and read articles. And normally I could do that. But not now. Luckily weekend is coming. Though I need to write the report on Saturday or Sunday with Reija. But the course will end next Wednesday! And next Friday I'm maybe going to Helsinki again. There is the meeting of cell biologists and since I'm one of the council, I don't need to buy my trips there. And people there are nice.

But now to bed.

ps. I'm menstruating again. Phew.

New Camera and Phone

I finally got my new phone and camera! BUT!!! The phone was black. I thought it had some brown figures on it but no. I misunderstood the description. But it doesn't mind so much. I could have bored to the figures. Now my phone is just simple and cool.
But the camera. The Camera! It's so nice! The first thing was to get it under water and play with it there. I haven't dared to drop it (though they promise it will handle it). I won't risk it yet. It will face a lot shocks during it's life of service.
I don't have pics of my new stuff and I need to go to sleep asap, I'll need to wake up at 4 am!!! My train to Vantaa to microscopy course will leave Jyväskylä 5.30 am. Horrible. And I'll be at Vantaa after 8 am and the course will start 9 am. I just need to hope that the train won't be late. I still need to take some mysterious buss to the place. But I'll handle this all.

I just needed to come and say that I HAVE NEW PHONE AND CAMERA!!!

And Pollo was so stupid just. He run right to a mirror. And really fast. Poofball. Muaha.

Unclean Desk

Yey, I get my new phone and camera next week, maybe even on Tuesday!! Super!

Tuula pissed me off again on Friday, on 5 pm after being in course lab for 9 hours she moaned that she has to do seven lectures for next week (which she has already done last year but needs only to look through and maybe add something). I was already really tired so I just let her words go through my ears and left as soon as I could. Of course I was sympathetic and understanding. Mom just laughed me when I told her about this. She said she could imagine me with my ears all smoking about her room (it really is one of the biggest issue that bothers me; her unclean room). But I've already helped her with that and it is not my job to clean it. (Though I've already made a stack of papers which have been all around there when she wasn't there and I needed some space at the desk). It really is that bad.

But I try not to let it bother me.

Yesterday I was playing with my cells with the help of Reija. We (or Reija) noticed a mistake in our last apoptosis experiments, so fixed it and now I have to go to university today too. But it's only about an hours business I have to do there and Reija said she'd come too, so it's not a big deal. But now I have to go to university at 6 am only on Monday and Tuesday. (And be there until 6 pm.) Even thinking this makes me tired. I just need to make coffee with me on these days.
On Wednesday I'll go to Helsinki to this microscope course we got with the camera. I'll need to go to train that leaves 5.30 am! Luckily I can sleep on the train. Then I need to go to place X by bus (I don't know how). They haven't bothered to give any schedule yet or any directions. And there isn't anything on the web about it! So I'll need to contact them on Monday if they don't start to send some information about it to me. I do need to know where I'm going and when!
Ah these last minute things really make me stressing about all things. Stupid.

But now I'll start leaving to university.

I'll ride a horse today!!!!

Wrong lifestyle

Argh! I'm screaming inside just now, can you hear it too??
I almost snapped to Tuula a while ago. I know she didn't mention it but it still pisses me off.

I was getting my clothes and chatted a bit with her, I had already said to Tarmo that I was leaving and we agreed to see outside in a ten minutes. I knew that she'd chat as always for a few minutes but then she started to go through this order we already had gone through several times! I've done that order for her about two months ago but we need the stuff in a month so we order them only now. I said to her that Tarmo waits me already and she just said "No can do" and continued. It's nothing but it rains outside! We discussed about the schedule and since my last course for this Spring started today and I got it's schedule only today (8 am to 6 pm every fucking day, maybe even longer!) and said that I'd come to do our apoptosis experiments on Saturday because tomorrow I'll be too tired after the course and I don't want to go to university at 6.30 am! And then she said "Well, now you know how my days always are and what it is to be a scientist." FUCK YOU! As if I haven't already introduced my self to a scientist world by being from 8 am to 8 pm at the university on weekdays and 9 pm to 4 pm on weekends, for every fucking day last Fall!

I really am not mad at her, I'm just pissed of that people don't realize that I really work outside university too. And that I need rest too. Even that I'm young and restless, doesn't mean that I couldn't be tired. And it wears me out if someone says "you should work harder, you can't have rest". And this pisses me off because Tuula knows that I work hard and I know she works hard, but I know she could work harder! She just needs to put some of her things in order, like:

• clean her office

Now it's just tens of boxes around the room and she doesn't fin anything, all her papers all over and she keeps losing everything all the time. I've cleaned her room last summer but then she had to move and it's as bad again. Organize your stuff! It would be a lot easier and you'd find everything! I don't want to imagine what her home looks like.

• eat well

Okay, she's fat and her heart is bad so she doesn't do exercise. But at least she could eat better, not just coffee and one banana in a working hours! I don't even want to think what she eats then when she gets home. Eat something else too and don't drink so much coffee! You have already got an heart attack!

• get an internet home

She said that she had internet but then she was there all days and nights chatting with colleagues. Who says that you need to chat with them all night? You can handle your business already during working hours, put the damn computer off at 12 pm and go to sleep!

And there you go, healthier lifestyle and internet at home, and you can sleep and be more efficient! One of the main reasons for my (or my try to be health) lifestyle is that I'm more energy and I can do more when I exercise and eat well.

Ah this helped my feelings. I'm not that pissed off anymore. Muaha!

About the weekend. The Labors Day went nice. We barbecued at our backyard with friends and continued our place. I drunk almost a bottle of wine, the last glass was too much so I gave it to Kirsikka and continued with water. I got really tired (I had already been at university doing apoptosis experiments six hours at morning) and went to sleep 12 pm. People continued to party until 3 am and finally Tarmo came with me to sleep. I did sleep however two hours and was wake only an hour at bed. Next day we did A LOT doughnuts and at evening after being in sauna for two hours I felt really bad. I hadn't eaten well (only doughnuts and grapes) and my head was acing a bit because of the wine. So we went to bed early. Next day I was updating my lab book and wrote some methods for Tuula while others player Stawa-game (I didn't have a character in it so I just listened).

And now I'm confused what day it is because I had "a weekend" in the middle of the week. But it's nice. I planned to rest next weekend (too) because as I already mentioned, I'll have a hellish next two weeks. Ten hours of course plus my own experiments. But I'm happy because my spring tiredness is over and I don't need to sleep 10 hours anymore and drink three cups of coffee in order to keep myself awake. That wasn't nice.

I saw Saana today at university and I got her to come with me to do some exercise at bodycircuit! And while I was chatting with her I realized how much I've been missing her while I didn't see her for a few weeks. We saw at least few times at the gym every week so I've been missing her company! Know that! Muaha!

I'm flying

5,3 kg.

My bag alone weights about 3,5 kg and 6 kg is the smallest restrict what I can carry with me. And laptop in its own bag plus because I'm a lady I can have "purse". Which in this case is my spacewonder bag where I can fit A LOT stuff. But no worries, I made a list where is all I need for few days and I could still pack 700 g stuff there but I won't.

I had to try and weight packed bag so that I'd know what I should leave unpacked etc. But I don't need to do that which is nice.

I ordered flights back to Finland. Though I still need to have flights to New York from Tennessee and from Iowa to Tennessee, but they're no problem. I can order them when I'm in US. I also calculated that I've spent almost 1100 € in flights so far!

Helsinki - Dublin - Chicago - Iowa

Nashville - New York - Nashville

New York - Dublin - Copenhagen - Helsinki

A lot to travel also. Can I already go please?

I also looked flights for Tarmo, they should only be reserved but we still don't know the exact day when he'll arrive. And some of the flights aren't flexible. And he doesn't have money to pay them now so it just needs to be done later.

I'm hungry. I'll go and moan to Tarmo so that he'd do some tortillas for us. Muaha!

Getting real

Finally I feel like the first paperwar against the exchange is over. I mailed my Housing Application on Monday and the first orientation is over. It was nine hours full of information. Still recovering from it.
I went to bank today and took care of some things.
I also ordered The Phone and Camera! Should be mine in a month! Muaha!
And my last course for this Spring will begin next week. I really need a vacation. I'm quite tired. But not in a few months. When my courses end, I need to focus on my Masters Thesis. Blah. Luckily it's weekend now.
I met some new people at facebook.com. Got some valuable information. Nice!

And I spent too much money today. I bought samsonites laptop bag (70 euros!!!). But it was the cheapest of Samsonites bags and should be good one too! Vepa said yesterday that she'd cut my hair on Monday and asked if I'd like, she could dye it too. So I couldn't resist to buy dyes! Though I'll dye my hair later on July I think.
I also tried to look for an adapter for my laptop but the only one I found was strange because my laptop wouldn't fit to it. Weird. The guy at the shop said I should look adapters from some kind of electricity shop. But there isn't any close. So I called dad if he could find one.
Mom promised to buy me new shoes and I found one nice ones but they didn't have the right size. And I thought that I'll save the money (at least from that) and buy new shoes from US. Cheaper and I'm sure there are a lot of better places to find shoes. And other clothes. Muaha!

The exchange is beginning to feel real. And exciting! It's the thing in my head all the time. I already planned to get my bag and pack it to know how much it weights and optimize all. Ah! But my tummy says it's hungry and my head says it's tired so I'll go and do something about them.

New York, New York

This year must be THE year for me! So many of my dreams will come true!!!

1. I rode a horse
2. I'm going to exchange
3. I go to NYC
   

I've been dreaming to ride a horse since I was a little girl but I've never had the change to do so. Last Sunday I did it and I get the change do REALLY do so (and not just sit at the back of the horse).

I've always dreamed of going abroad to study and finally I have a good time in my life to go and a real reason (not just to go to college or something).

And when I was in high school I was sure I was going to move to New York to study. Nowadays I don't want to move there but I want to visit the city.

And all these are going to happen! I just reserved us a Hostel (Wanderers Inn West, a real roleplayers choise!) and requested flights from Kilroy (again). The airline didn't recognize Finland as a country when I was supposed to give my phone number (and it was required for the reservation). Has happened before. Now I just hope that I could get the flights. And this all will cost a lot but I will get some taxes returned by Christmas and decided to use them beforehand. Muaha!

I also asked from Miki if I could leave some of my stuff in his place while I'm in New York. I really don't want to take all my half a year stuff with me in there. This way I can buy more! (Though after all this traveling, I will not have any money left...)

But I feel so GOOD! I love traveling and all this planning makes me so high! Ah! And Tarmo is (of course) so excited too! Ah, Ah, AH!

Can I go already please?

I'm horsegirl!

I rode a horse today!!!
Well actually I was just sitting on its back and Vepa led the horse. But it was so cool! I've never been on the back of a horse before! And Vepa promised that I could do it later too, ever ride! Wow! Wonderful!
I was taking pics of Vepa riding and of daughter of Vepas friend. And got some nice pics too! But they're now on Tarmos computer because Tarmo had my laptop with him. He was playing and needed laptop there.

But today was a nice day. The weather was beautiful, we cleaned (finally!) our home, did some flower beading and went playing role playing games. Actually I wasn't playing but just went to spend some time before going photographing. And it was so nice at the stables. The smell! It brought some memories in my mind. I was working one summer at a farm few years ago an I loved it! And I've never been so close to horses but I wasn't scared at all! And after training Vepa asked if I would like to ride her horse. And of course I did! It was so relaxing and the horse was wonderful and patient. Looking forward the next time! We planned that I'll go with Vepa to the stables on weekends when I'm at home and when Vepa is going to the stables. NICE!

And I met a Finnish girl in facebook.com (ISEP recommended that page to find other exchange students) who is also coming to Iowa. I home I'll meet other people too beforehand. It could then be easier to meet them and go to talk with people when we have just arrived at the place and know no-one there. I also e-mailed with Miki and we planned that I'd write him when I've settled down to US and would then start to plan our visit there.

The whole weekend was quite nice. I slept quite late though we didn't have much time to be home with kitties. On Friday we were late home from university and didn't have any energy to do anything, on Saturday we were at Lillukka making the groups costumes for RopeCon and today we were playing and I visited the stables. At least I started one work report which I was supposed to begin. So no bad feelings about doing nothing.

I'm ready to go to sleep already. So to the bed.

Another Problem

So, again problems.

Finnair is fucker and it doesn't have alliances with other airlines (or something like that) and Aer Lingus is bigger fucker because it doesn't have alliances with ANY airlines. So I'd have to wait for my luggagges to arrive at Dublin and then go to check-in. No problem, but i have only TWO HOURS time! And I should be at check-in an hour before my next flight so only hour time to get my stuff. And if you think what time it takes to get to the place where the stuff comes and then drag it to another place... ONE HOUR?! Not enough!

I took me a while to figure this problem out. And here's the solution:

I will have ONLY my hand bag and one bag for my other stuff. And computer bag.

All the other stuff will be sent for me via mail to Iowa.

So no problem. I just have to wish that if I send my other stuff to US, they will be there few days after I arrive there.

But then I found another problem while I was checking for all kinds of restrictions for handbags. My baggage is 7 cm too big on one side for Aer Lingus! I haven't solved this yet but I asked from Kilroy what I should do. And it's Friday evening so I'll get my answer only on Monday.

But I already planned what to pack! Muaha!

And printed some maps for Dublin and Chicago airports. Maps always comfort me. (Not car maps you stupid, internal maps I mean.)

I finally finished my Housing Application (I finally got the answer for my questions from US). I still need to mail it. But I'll do it on Monday. I'll send it via university so that I don't have to pay anything.

I still need to find out where to buy adapters for my laptop and phone. And buy the camera and phone! I planned to buy them next month (one week to go, muaha). And go to nurse to get my vaccination records, get my pill prescription so that I can buy enough pills form here.
What else? I need to contact Miki and ask about the lab thing, get insurance for my things, go to bank to get Tarmo a piece of paper so that he can deal with my money issues. And get some dollars.

So that much things still to do before I get next hundred thousand papers to fill and things to do.

Another big thing for this day. I prepared about 150 letters with Sira. It took two hours but it's done now. It fas for the Cell Biologists in Finland association (or something like that).

But I think I still have some energy to do something for the exchange thing. Bad thing that the Iowa House haven't still replied for my e-mail. So still waiting... Though I do need to reserve a room from there. But I just don't know for how long. I remember reading somewhere that I might stay at some cheaper place after the weekend. But I just don't remember where I read that. I could find that out...

Flights in Order

So, I got my flights!
So excited!

Though it still worries me if two hours is enough. But it has to be.
I downloaded some maps for the airports in Dublin and Chicago. They should calm me down a bit.

I've also browsed some things for my new cell phone and camera. Yes camera. I've decided to buy a new camera also. I found a RED camera which is also waterproof and shockproof. All I need! It's not that cheap though but I still want that camera. It's not that expensive and cheapest of the shockproof cameras. And if you look my old camera, you'll understand why I need a camera with that feature. And I'm going to buy the cell phone too soon because I need to know that it will be good (as not breaking on the first instant) and I need to learn to use it well. I haven't used Nokia for a few years (6 years to be specific). And my phone hasn't delivered some messages for me.

And Americans are so slow! I wrote an email to the local ISEP coordinator and she still hasn't answered to it (two days ago). I also asked for the Iowa House about room reservation but they either haven't answered my mail. I hope they would answer me soon so that I could send my Housing Application there.

Still much to do though I've done a lot work. Got flights, insurance, ISEP registration etc. Long way to go still.

Traveling

So, I got a letter from Iowa University. And more paper from our International Office. And I just reserved my flights! Well, most of them. I send a request to Kilroy if they could get me a flight which didn't show at their database from Finland. I don't dare to book the US flight myself through internet since I'm sure there will be all kinds of problems. So I hope I can get all my flights via Kilroy Travels.

But so far I'm now in Chicago. Here's my travel plan:

Helsinki - Dublin
07:40 am - 08:50 am

Dublin - Chicago
11:50 am - 2 pm

Chicago - Iowa
9:10 pm - 10:05 pm

The last flight isn't sure yet but I hope I can get that flight.
I'm a bit concerned about the Dublin, since I have only two hours to be there. The thing is that if the flight is delayed or there is some kind of other problems. Or I get lost at the airport or or or... But that was the only good flight for me.

But I got all my flight much cheaper than I expected! Cool! About 700 euros. And do notice: the traveling time will be LONG! All the times are in local time so I'll be on my journey about 24 h!!! A long way to go... And all alone.

I should fill the Housing Application and send it to Iowa as soon as possible. I had some questions about it and sent them to the local International Office contact person. Now I'm just waiting for her answer so I could send the application.

I should also fill the ISEP applications and I'm going to do it today after I've spoked with mom (she should call in any minute).

I got this wonderful thing there (actually two). I can get my courses from undergraduate AND graduate level though I'm going to be an undergraduate student there. And I got meal stipend. So no meal plan. So I can go to shop my own food or if I'm lazy I can go eat to the cafeteria.

And I'm going to share my room with one person and the kitchen and bathroom with four people. Not impossible.
Here's the floor plan:

Though I don't if the floor plan is really this kind (bunk beds or single beds etc.).
I'm going to stay at the Iowa House Hotel for the weekend (I'm going to be at Iowa at evening on Friday) since the residence halls open only when the orientations begin (on Monday).

I'm so happy that I've had so much information. It's beginning to get organized in my brains and I've a quite good image of what I'm going to do, where I'm going and when. I've still been lazy and not downloaded the BiTa pics, and I'm not going to do it now either since I'm going to finish some applications.

It's really good that the paperwork is quite easy to do and all the information are available and I know people to ask my questions. Though one has to see some effort to get the exchange place, it's quite easy when you get it.

And I did some apoptosis experiments today. We'll fix the cells tomorrow, on Friday and if necessary, on Saturday too. Finally I got to play with manganese (I did my Candidate Thesis about it). It's fun but it really needs some brains and when you have been in lab for a six hours, there isn't much brains left to do anything else.

But now some paperwork...

BiTa

Phef, not pregnant. Well, that wasn't the most obvious reason for my lack of periods. But one possibility. Thank God it wasn't so. I worried about it a bit in BiTa but not way too much. And about BiTa:

It was fun. There were more familiar people than I assumed and we formed a nice group there. I was drunk on Friday night but not too much. I didn't have any hang over but I had so much fun! We were the first there (as not obvious since we were the city who arranged BiTa this year). So we had much time to spend so we played games. And because of that most of my muscles are sore now. One other reason was the hard floor we slept on. On Friday we went to the other of the two local bars and it was so fun! I didn't drink much there and had a class of water every time I got cider. A nice way to keep on. And I chatted with many people. And Teppo. Again. He was so wasted that it almost got me pissed off. But I promised him I'd take care him so that he'd end up sleeping at the place where we slept. We'll he had to have a taxi in order to get to the place but I didn't go to it, it was only 15 minute walk! So he went with some other friends and we got to fire place to continue partying. Soon it was 4 am. and me and Reija got back to the place to get some sleep. Then Sari came to me and asked if I had seen Teppo, he was gone missing. So I dressed up again and went to find him. And I found him. He was sleeping in the most tiniest place he could find and since he didn't snore we couldn't find him. And his cell phone was soundless.
So finally I got some sleep but didn't sleep well. At 8 am. we went to get some breakfast and took a short walk since the weather was beautiful. Then we got to the first seminar and after that we went back to sleep. The subjects in the other seminars weren't so interesting for us. And then we got lunch and went back to sleep. And then coffee and back to sleep. Though we couldn't sleep because of the noise but at least we rested. And then we got outside just to hang out and after that on dinner. And after that we got to sauna while others played some games that didn't interest us. And hanged out at there, moved back to the place and at 11pm. to the other local bar. I drunk only one cider because I felt a bit strange and nauseous and worried a bit. And shared my worry with Reija and Kirsikka. They were supportive and I felt better after telling someone. And we were back to sleep at 2am. Though people came back all noisy at 4am. and performed a show (I was too tired to get up and I've seen it twice so I just listened and laughed at my sleeping place). And when it finished I fell back to sleep and woke up at 9am. I felt nauseous again but it was only because of the SMELL there were. Old booze and puke. YUK!
Luckily I had called to Tarmo last night if he and his friend could pick me up earlier to home (we were supposed to be back at 2pm. and there wasn't anything to do anymore, except to clean the place of course). But I was worried and wanted to get home. So they picked me up at 11 am and we got home via Pharmacist. And only after then I finally found out that I REALLY wasn't pregnant. My periods still haven't started.
I'll call to the doctor tomorrow morning.

I still feel a bit tired (not a surprise) but I hope I'll cheer up by tomorrow. But in order to do that I'll go to sleep now. I'm too tired to get my pics on the camera, so I'll do that later.

SO glad my plans won't go all messed up. I hope.

Too Much Thinking

Oh my blogger has been changed in Finnish! Just noticed.

I'm going to go to BiTa today. I'm not in the mood going there but I've already paid it and it has been fun earlier. I believe that I'm getting in the mood when I get to the bus and to the place. Luckily it's near Jyväskylä, so the journey to there won't be long.

I have a worry. My periods haven't started yet. Though my tummy is messed up today (as it always gets on the first day). And though they should've started only yesterday or the day before that. But they were so weird last month too. Only one day period and even that wasn't The Period. Not in details. I hope that my tummy knows these things again. If they don't begin this week (as they should since I eat pills) I'll have to go to YTHS to see a doctor.

I really don't know if I'm more worried about is there something wrong with me or am I pregnant? The latter would change all my plans (including the exchange) and that would piss me off because I've really done a big effort to arrange all my things. But if there's something wrong with me... One of my biggest fear has always been that I am not able to have a child. Though adoption is not an issue for me but still. And abortion. Nothing against to it too but I really don't believe it could be an option for me (though how could I know, I've never been in a situation where I should've had to consider it). And the reason for that is again that if in future I couldn't have a baby I would regret the abortion for the rest of my life. And when it comes to children my emotions are on surface and my baby would be the first thing to be thought of.

I believe that if it would be so that I got pregnant, I would be ready to be a mom. I'd have to. I wouldn't give my baby to anyone. Luckily I'm quite long in my studies, so that if I had baby, I could do some book exams on Fall and few courses on Spring. And then I'd go to USA. But then it might be working business, not studies. Or PhD studies there. So my Big Plans wouldn't change. They would only delay.

And about my love, Tarmo. As always I told him about my worries. It almost got me into tears (again). He's so wonderful! I really can't believe I've such a man. We didn't discuss much about the possibility of me being pregnant. And that's only because I'm too afraid to REALLY think about it. I afraid that it might be true. But back to Tarmo. When I told him what worries me, he didn't say much. He mentioned abortion and I said what I think. Then we did other casual stuff and when we got to bed we talked again. He took me in to his arms and conformed me. Then he said that if I'm pregnant, can I go to US? I said no, at least not for that long time I planned (if so, I might go there for a three months or something like that if that's possible). Nothing much else. But the way he talked to me said that he would accept the baby and wouldn't force me in abortion. At least I feel like that. I think also he doesn't want to think this thing.

Okay, I admit now that I've been thinking this a bit. But as I said, I'm too afraid to think it too much. And I'm too afraid to go to Pharmacist and buy a pregnancy test. At least today. I want to focus my thoughts to BiTa. And if my periods won't start by when I get back I think I have to go to Pharmacist. And then to doctor. But that's the furthest I dare to think this.

I can't deny that I haven't had a baby boom. My hormones tell me a lot of stuff about babies. But my brains say other stuff. And I believe my brains. That's one reason why I wanted our kitties. (One of the other reasons were that I've wanted for long some kind of animal). And I can't say that these darling kitties wouldn't have helped. I do want to have babies as young as possible but not sooner than it's necessary. And I've always thought that that would be then when I have a job and I get enough money to take care of the baby well. I don't say that one can't take care of the baby with a little less money but I'm just that much after money. And I've always thought that I'd finish my studies before getting pregnant. And that's what I want to do!

I believe that it doesn't hurt me to think these stuff even that I'm not pregnant. And I'm so lucky that I have this fiancee that supports me and thinks these stuff with me. That's a lot more that I could have ever hoped (because I'm used to men who are just grumpy if woman wants to talk these kind of stuff). Have I ever told how much I love this man?! And the thing is that I DO want to have his child. BUT NOT YET!

I know that if I'm pregnant our parents will be worried because I know they too want us to graduate first. But I also know that they won't abandon us if that happens and that they will support us. Whatever our decision is. I also know that a lot people will think us crazy. But I really don't care. I'm just concerned about our future and I too obey the Darwin´s laws. I just want to pass my genes on to next generation.

I also know that maybe I shouldn't think these stuff before everything is sure or worry before there is something to worry about. But I don't worry this that much that I couldn't sleep or that it would distract me all the time. This is just me thinking all kind of stuff and thinking what if.

I won't worry too much until Sunday. And that's two more days. And I have all kinds of stuff to do before that. And if I need to worry I know who to call and who to worry with.

But now that I've shared this with the internet I can do some other stuff. I just needed to think these stuff through a text.

Happy Holidays It Was

SO, Iowa it is!!!

I got an e-mail from there where there was ID:s for me to log in. NICE!
And today there was a message: Admitted. VERY NICE!

I've browsed the pages and configured my e-mail (and my other e-mail too). I updated my address books. And that was something what I've planned to do so long. But done.

Eastern. Was nice.

Parties went well and I did just nothing yesterday and today. Played Sims2. Muaha!

People from Tampere were here only too little time. All were gone by 10 PM. And so I had made way too much food. We had to throw away some of them today because they started to smell bad. And we already ate almost three days from the left overs. Now I know that I won't do food anymore. Die in hungry in my parties! I don't care! (I do.)

And the gifts! The gifts were sooooo nice. Our parents updated our dishes and we got luggages, art, flowers (have to keep out of sight for kitties), Moomin cups etc. All very nice gifts.

And I'm SO bored to my cell phone and camera. I moaned about them to Dad so that he would feel like I need new ones. Muaha! Though I will buy them my self but I hope Dad will help me financially a bit. Though I really have a good reasons for new ones.

My phone:

• is about 6 years old
• it's battery is bad
• it won't always accept my button pushes
• I've missed at least one message (still haven't got it)
• it won't work if it is too cold
• it complains that the card is missing
• it won't be useful in US
• it's OLD

My camera:

• won't take pics right away
• one have to push the button several times before it takes pics
• it's ugly
• it's old (3 years)
• it's weared
• it's big

Reasons enough? I'm planning to buy new ones as soon as I dare. Though I have first to buy the tickets to US and the visa and other exchange stuff. So no new cell phone or camera at least in a month. I hope I could buy them soon still!

But back to party. Here's some pictures (well, one). I didn't take many my self because people had better cameras and I'm quite tired for it's behavior (not taking pics when I try to take them).

How did this go again?

More pics in here: http://www.cc.jyu.fi/~antahall/kuvat/kinkerit/
The pictures will tell a lot about the party. It misses though the first few hours at our place.

AND THEN, the exchange! So, Iowa it is. I'm happy. I can't wait to have the info package from there where they tell all! And I'm glad our lab course is now easier (not all day) so that I have time to go to deal all the things (insurance, tickets etc.).

But now I need to write some e-mails and then I'll go to sleep. I'll have a long day tomorrow. And on Friday I'll be going to BiTa (meeting for biologists in Finland) for all weekend. Drunk again!

Party party or not?

Why can't people do things the easiest way?

It makes me sad because I really have made an effort to do food and arranged a place where we could celebrate i peace, and where we'd have a lot of space etc. And then people just say that "we'll just stop by". Fuck them. I even arranged some mattresses there so that people would be comfortable to sleep. But now it seems that NO-ONE is going to sleep there. And I already promised to go and carry some other mattresses away from one building in order to get mattresses for us. And because I already promised it I can't cancel it. So all in vain.

I'm sure I'm going to make way too much food there but that's not that big problem, we'll just have to eat them our selves during Eastern. But the thing that pisses me off is that people don't even bother to say to me that they won't sleep here and will leave early. Not until I ask and have already arranged all.

I know I'm just stressing too much over this but it's just that I'd like everyone to have fun and eat well and me a good hostess and no-one ever thanks me. Well Tarmo says that I'm doing everything well so on. But he'd better to say that! Muaha!

But not anymore about that. If people won't enjoy I'll hang my self. Or not.

But some nice things too have happened. I've done my Bachelor of Sciences courses! All of them! And I got 5 from the virology course! Nice!

And still nothing from Iowa. I keep thinking that they won't take me there and I've arranged all my things in vain. I don't know why it's one of the most biggest things that bothers me always. I mean that I'm always afraid that all my efforts are in vain and I do things just for nothing and all my plans will go fucked. Stupid, I know.

I got some funny pics about our kitties but I've been lazy and they're still in my camera. I should empty it for tomorrow so that there would be only our engagement pics. Our parents will come tomorrow at noon and we reserved a table from Banthai! Tarmos mom Raija and her husband Kari came to stop by already today. They're going to Tampere and will come from there tomorrow. And my other brother and his girlfriend won't come at all. Stupid. They didn't even bother to say anything before. Though I knew already that they won't come the first time I asked them because they were so lame about it. "We'll see" they said. Yeah right!

But again away from the moaning. Our parents will come tomorrow and after they leave I'll do all the salads for Saturday. And on Saturday morning I'll bake some baguette. And then it's it.

I hope we could arrange the places already today so that we could just take all the stuff to the place on Saturday.

I just want everything to be perfect. That's why I'm stressing. I know. Nothing's perfect. And that sucks.

Happy happy

Mom was so cute.

Mom: "So, are you now engaged?"
Me: "Yes, we are" *happy happy*
Mom: "Oh, I'm going to cry!"

And dad also.

Dad: "So, how does it feel now?"
Me: "I'm quite happy." *happy happy*
Dad: "I'm happy too if you are happy." *snif*

I'm so happy!

<3

Excitement

I really don't get it how these weeks keep passing by so quick! It's Friday again!
And only two days to go and we get engaged. I'm so happy!
We've planned the party a lot and we did rent Lillukka for us. Next week I'll have to do all the cakes and all. Luckily I have Thursday free and then I have time to do the food and cleaning.
This weekend I should read for the virology, I'll have an exam about it next Tuesday.

And I have such a problem. I don't know how I will do my hair and makeup, no to even mention my clothes! I thought I'd curl my hair and leave it free and do dark eye makeup since the lip makeup will wear out while I'm drinking and eating. And I'll put my new skirt but I don't know which shirt I'll wear! Well, maybe I'll figure it out.

I'm waiting the reply from the University of Iowa. I keep thinking that they won't take me there and I don't get the exchange place! I hope I get the information about it next week. They said that we'd know it on the beginning of April. And it is it then! And I try not to think about it. I just get too excited.

And I got my Master's Thesis lab BOOK! It's black and so nice! I covered it and made a piece of paper on it so it is easier to see what it is. It's SO nice! I feel like I'm doing something important when I write something in it. Though I have my old notebook where I scribble my notes while working, another notebook for my self (because the lab book won't be mine, it will go to my university). And it's nicer to write all my doings neatly so that I can memorize what I've done easier. And speaking of it, I should go and update my nice lab book and cover my note book...

Up

She said for the first time that she knows she'll get over it.

And the exam was fine!

And I'm up too early if you think that it's Saturday morning!

And it's beautiful outside!

Happy Angry

Finally I can say it!

We are getting engaged!!

And what an effort it has been not to blurt it out! I have already said something like:
"We got a gift for... err... dishes..."
"Oh I almost said it but didn't"
"What are you doing on Eastern? We have... err... party"

I am big mouthed but I kept it as a secret! Of course our parents were the first ones to know and to get invitation. And we sent the cards for our friends last week. But I still have to say that I hope that not everyone is coming. We don´t have that big apartment. And if everyone was coming, it would be over 50 person in small room! Because the kittens must be in our bedroom so that people with allergies can be here and because someone of the guests are smoking and if people are drunk, they might not notice if a cat sneaks out to the balcony and fells down! We're living at seventh floor!
We are planning though to rent Lillukka, so the kitties would not be a problem and we could get more space. And Rentukka would be closer. But still planning. It would help if I could know who all are coming!

But some bad news too. One of by best and oldest friends and his boyfriend broke up! I was and still am so sad. But the guy was an idiot and he disgusts me! My friend had already suspected something. This guy had been partying since the late Fall and he didn't want to take her with him anymore. He didn't come home at nights but went to after parties. He didn't care her anymore as he used to care. I already then thought that this process would be so hard for her because they have an apartment together, most of their stuff are common and his mom is hers boss! And he already has a kind of place where to move in but she doesn't have.
Oh I cried so much after her call. I was playing like every Monday and went outside to talk to her and after a marathon call I cried to Tarmo so much that all got worried what had happened. And Vepa said that if I need to talk, I could talk to her. It was so sweet! I was sad but I was OK.
I called her every day and asked how she was. I was so proud of her (and still am) because she said she is sad and she still can't believe what had happened and she wouldn't like to leave him but she knows she has to. And she told me she is afraid that she can't let go. And I told her that I know she is strong! But still I was a bit worried if she couldn't let go. And even though I hated him for the grief he caused, I knew that this kind of things happen and it´s better to stop a relationship if people aren't happy in it anymore.
BUT last Monday I called her again and she was crying. She had read his messages from his cell phone and found like 200 messages from a girl! And he had sworn that there wasn't anyone else. Oh NOW I hate that guy! He had all the guts to get angry with her reading his messages! Yes, it is wrong but it was right in this situation! DAMN! I get all angry even thinking what happened.
He was explaining that it didn't mean anything for him and he was just laughing that girl with his friends. But the messages were from January to this day! JANUARY! FUCK!!!
GOD HE PISSES ME OFF!
HOW DOES HE DARE! HOW DOES HE DARE TO LIE IN A SUCH WAY! ARGH!

I can't write everything I think about this situation. But the point is that if I had been there I would've punched him. Or shaked him and yelled at him. I mean it. I'm not a violent person but I really got THAT angry. And still get angry when I think that. Did I already say it?

I don't know if they have already discussed about it and what has happened since because I tried to call her yesterday and she sent me a message saying she's too tired to talk about it. I said to her that she has to call me soon back. And promised that if she doesn't I will call. She hasn't called yet and if she doesn't call by tomorrow, I'll call. I need her to know that I care and that she can talk to me. I try not to judge anyone but can you blame me if I said something bad about him after last Monday?

But now I got all angry again so I'll change the subject.

It was funny today. There was a presentation in our department about a molecular biology corporation and the man in there thought that I had my own research group. It was so funny that I didn't correct him but kept talking like a real researcher. And it was real fun to act like a researcher! Even though I'm planning my own research and I'm going to try new things which haven't been tried before, I still don't think myself as a researcher. I'm just a student who can't do anything and who doesn't know anything. Even though people seem to assume that I know things, I think I don't. I've realized that the more I study the stupider I become and the less I know. I know, a common dilemma in science.

And back to the engagement thing. I'm kind of disappointed about the reactions we got when we told to our friends. We got few really nice reactions (and by this I mean the surprise it was meant to be). But most of people have only thanked about the invitation. Like the supposed this to happen? I don't know.

Tarmo got his new computer parts yesterday and he has been working on them since then (he did sleep at night though). He got even a "guru" friend here to help him today. And he's all smile. I can't help it but he's so cute when he gets this excited. And after his new machine is all ready, I get the old computer for playing. (Yes, I play games! The Sims 2 is quite addictive, my newest addiction is Civilization 4, though I play only at weekends.) But the problem is that we don't have an extra screen but Dad bought a new flat screen so I get his old one. What a coincidence!

I have a quite big sore bruise on my arm. I have no idea where it has become. And my back got jammed in the Monday sports. But it's already better. What else? I didn't menstruate last week like usual (no details about it). Anything else about my health? Muaha. Like the old peoples conversation.

I've been waking up quite early and have been able to read enough for the next exam about virology. Not that much to read which is nice. But it worries me because I think the course is easy, so I would suppose to get 5 from it (the best grade). And if I don't I get all disappointed on me again. I should write an essay for one course to get it through (no exam). And then I have still two laboratory courses this Spring. The other starts next week. It had a pre-exam and I believe (and hope) it went well.

But I think I have already written too much. How many of you read this this far?? Muaha.